Posts by paolalazarus

paolalazarus

Nov 7, 2010

Undergraduate / "Cliques at school" - Topics for My Essay to UT! [4]

In my opinion, this can either be a big hit or a big fail. Cliques is a very immature subject and the fact that a high school subject like such is of such importance to you doesn't really seem appropriate, not for a college essay at least. However, I might be wrong, if you an prove yourself as a really really good writer through this essay and sen out a deep message than, by all means do so.

Another reason why I believe it isn't a good topic is because it is a personal essay. It seems to me from your outline you're just talking about cliques in general, nothing that had a big impact on yourself.

If you can turn the story around and talk about ow it effected you in some way, than that would be better.

I do recommend brainstorming on more unique topics. I am applying to UT too and I am writing about famine in my country. Of course it doesn't need to be anywhere as serious. I know someone you got admitted to UT and his admissions essay was on socks being lost in the laundry machine. It all depends on how well you develop your subject.

Good luck!

paolalazarus

Nov 7, 2010

Undergraduate / "Had my father not cheated on my mom" -UT - someone who has made an impact on my life [5]

I think its a very strong topic to talk about and even though it is kind of a sob story, you developed a good structure to get your point across.

I really enjoyed reading this. I think it really is a good college essay since it's very personal and deep

paolalazarus

Nov 7, 2010

Undergraduate / "A special biology teacher" - Essay A - "Someone who has made an impact..." [3]

i think it might be too general. i think you should really talk about something life changing something really impacting that happened in that class. Its a good essay, and well written as well but I felt like you weren't really into in as you wrote it. seems like you just picked the first thing that came to mind.

its good that you talk about how she made you a better student. but give specific examples.

Once such special teacher that I've had in my life was my 9th grade Biology teacher from Jasper High School , Mrs. Pat Kite.
take this out

She proceeded to introduce her class and her rules, and then gave us a quiz. On the first day!
im not sure this is the best way to express your reaction. its a fragment and kind of just stray in your whole paragraph

i think you could make it a bit longer adding the stuff i told you
i hope i helped

paolalazarus

Nov 7, 2010

Undergraduate / "interaction with objects, images and spaces" - UT major - Interior Design [3]

this is only the first two paragraphs
but i feel it has no flow
any suggestions?
also my vocabulary is pretty basic

Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture, art history, design, studio art, visual art studies/art education), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?

It happened almost immediately I walked into the construction site of my new house. Even before it was built, I had already seen my house, walls up and fully functioning. As I walked through the place, I saw columns turn into walls and walls become spaces. I think my mom was probably giving me a tour of the place, narrating room by room and what would go where, but I don't think I was even listening, and I didn't have to. I already had a hologram vision of the whole place in my head. The construction progresses, the wall by wall, the once concrete block cocoon became the house just as I pictured it. As I walked through the finished house, even though it was empty, I could already see the furniture arrangement from the amount of sunlight coming into the rooms and the flow of movement. It was as if my head was an automatic space-making machine, it came as an instinct.

Soon enough this didn't just apply to spaces, it became a way of thinking and I related everything and anything to it. Not long after my first visit to the house, I was cutting open a pomegranate. I remember obsessing over it for a while; the pomegranate was just like a house, perfectly livable and proportionate. The way it was divided up unto compartments within it self, each providing a space for its seeds. The organic design of its spaces made sense and all of a sudden looked logical to me. I had always thought of pomegranates as a beautiful fruit, but never had I felt so deeply fond of it and analyzed its composition as I did that day.

paolalazarus

Nov 5, 2010

Undergraduate / My parents, influential persons - UT Austin [3]

"My parents had bought me two of the candy jars, for some reason (I can't remember), I knew I needed a third jar."

>Take the parenthesis out, but leave in the "I can't remember". Maybe try rephrasing. I couldn't think of a better way to rephrase though...

"...realized that the turned out to be my "brother". "

>realized that HE turned out to be my "brother

"word problems in chemistry and soon,"

>word problems in Chemistry
>Chemical equations
>Chemistry word problems

One last suggestion maybe add that more than a mentor, and just academically helpful, maybe add that he helped you socially and morally... if was in fact that