TOPIC: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you
I close my eyes and think briefly how it was possible that even when things seem to all go in the opposite direction, there is still that one person that leaves me feeling safe and secure. Then, I open my eyes in an instant and stopped wondering. I lost the purpose of needing to be curious about the reasons behind such matters and decided to simply cherish the moment and to be appreciative that I have a mother who rises above every hardship for my sake and happiness.
My mom loved me, my dad and my brother more than anything, and it was evident that she would rather be inflicted with pain than to see us hurting. It was clearly evident in my eyes, but in spite of that, I ignored all of her hard work and. I never gave my mom a chance, never entirely appreciated her until my family went through a really rough crisis, but I am greatly pleased that it is not too late to show her how much I love and appreciate her.
Recently in the summer before my senior year, I found out about my Dad's affair. The news broke us all; My mom, even my brother who I'd thought was too young to know about this, and I were all hurt and the feeling of being cheated on to another family was an indescribable torture. Then, life became a blur, and I anticipate tomorrow with fear and anxiety. It felt like my dad's infidelity created this wave of unpredictability in our family affairs. My dad became untrustworthy. We looked at him with even more enmity as he would purposefully disregard his job and skip it most days, so in turn, my mom had pile up her hours for work just so we can pay the bills. Even with the weighty hardship she is bearing, she did not make my brother and I feel one bit uneasy and still continued to make us feel happy in ever moment of that summer. She tries so determinately to enclose my brother and I away from our dad's conflict so that we were left with no worries. My love and appreciation for my mom emerged as I see that even though she is dealing with the heaviest burden in her life, she keeps her head up and fights for the sake of her children.
As the heavy, burdensome months flew by, my mom looked older in spirit and terrifyingly emaciated from all the stress. Sometimes, I would cry all alone at night and pray to God to liven up my mom again. Even though in the beginning, I never looked or cared twice for her well-being, now all I ever want is to see a person in her again; She may be present, but her spirit is absent. The pain has been eating her alive that she is almost invisible and lifeless. Her life has consisted of working from 11 to 8 and 8 to 5 the next day. She is lucky enough to fit 5 hours of sleep every night in her busy schedule and her thin figure stems from having no appetite almost all of the time. Ever since my mom found out about my dad's infidelity, she changed emotionally and physically. The pain in her heart and the weakness in her eyes were visible to my eye but nonetheless, she puts up a brave front in front of me and my brother, but when she is alone, I hear her cry.
She tells me, "I don't want you and your brother to worry about anything. Worry about yourselves only; Worry about school." I was furious when her mouth spoke these words. I was angry at the thought of how much she is sacrificing for us; how in the midst of all the craziness going on, my brother and I still remain as her first priority.
For the first time, I saw that she may look weak in appearance, but her heart and soul is as big and strong as it has ever been. Had my father not cheated on my mom, I do not think I would ever see clearly my mother's sacrifices for me and love her deservingly. It is embarrassing to admit the necessity of a bad experience to bring me to this type of realization, but unfortunately, it is the truth. Regardless, my brother and I are the source of her strength, and for all those times I stood carefree of her kind actions towards me I make up for by being the best daughter I can be. I could tell that by that simple gesture, she is wholly contented.
Sob story? I hope not. My purpose for writing about this particular story is to show that I have recently dealt with a difficult crisis, and in the midst of it all, I have good people around me to help me keep my head up. It also brings recognition of my love for my mother; She gives me hope.
I am not a big grammar, vocabulary person so I apologize in advance for my incompetence ):
Any comments would be helpful and appreciated (:
I think the first sentence has a comma splice. I think on the third paragraph you need a comma after the word "Recently." I think you should watch your verb tenses. For example, the word "anticipate" in the third paragraph should be "anticipated." Also, spell out all your numbers.
Your story is very touching. It's not a "sob story."
I lost the purpose of needing to be curious about the reasons behind such matters and decided to simply cherish the moment and to be appreciative that I have a mother who rises above every hardship for my sake and happiness.
You have a nice way of writing! I think you can simplify this sentence so that the reader can appreciate it more. It is not necessary to include so many details. Just give a powerful experience with few details.
You can make it so that the main focus of the essay is on her strength and love -- not on "an affair." Your essay is great because of its ability to inspire the reader with this sense of unbreakable love, despite grief... it is something the reader can really appreciate. But the focus can be on something positive, and you can JUSTIFY it all by drawing a connection, in the conclusion para, between the lesson you learned from this and the career you want to enter.
:-)
