Undergraduate / "Dancing Lifestyle; this loss did not alter my feelings" - UC Application Essay [2]

As the seven of us approached Monte Vista High, I could not help but feel nervous as we entered a small room packed with teenagers and loud, rumbling music. This was the D.B.E Jam, my very first breakdancing competition. Simply looking at how skilled the other dancers were made me self conscious, and I was afraid to even practice and warm up, let alone compete. I became doubtful of my capabilities, and began wondering why I even entered in the first place.

Surely enough, my crew GhostForce was announced over the microphone and my partner and I slowly walked up to the dance floor. As with all performances and nerve-wrecking moments, my heart thudded in my chest as I waited for the music to begin. I was up first, and while dancing I felt as if I had no control over my body; impulses had taken over and I allowed them to move me. During that same round I suddenly became comfortable, the beating in my chest softened and I realized how much I enjoyed this battling sensation. Yes, anyone could enter to show off, but to me it became more about representing my crew, testing my acquired skills, and engaging in a friendly competition with others who shared my love for dancing. Along with that discovery came a victory as GhostForce advanced to the next battle.

This unexpected success became a great source of happiness for me, and I channeled this into confidence as we soon stood face to face with yet another opposing team. This time I was ready; my heart beat against my chest as usual but the nervousness kept me focused on what was in store for me. Although my recent experience in the first battle was fairly new, I was able to instantly learn from it and utilize it in the second round. This time my mind and body cooperated; my moves became more fluid and connected and I was able to truly express myself on the dance floor. My movements were in tune with the music, and everyone else was enjoying it as much as I was. Once again our crew emerged victorious and we shifted into the semi-finals.

Not only did I enter and win once, but twice. The doubt instantly disappeared from my mind as I realized what I was capable of. My hard work and countless hours of preparation had truly paid off, and we were able to snatch two wins in our very first competition. Although the victories sparked my happiness, the jam was not over. Once again our crew was announced, this time with a more difficult opponent on the other end.

I knew that by facing them it would be extremely difficult to win, and to put it short, we lost. This loss did not alter my feelings at all, however, yet it made me appreciate all that I had learned. To this day I know I am capable; my hard work and perseverance have led to many successful moments, and whenever life places an opponent in my way, I will continue to battle until I emerge victorious.

Please help with grammar, organization, anything. Thanks!

Undergraduate / An Acoustic Lifestyle - UC Application Essay [4]

Prompt for Freshman Applicants - "Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

My life is easily compared to the structure of a guitar. The circles on the fifth, seventh, ninth, twelfth, and fifteenth frets represent the number of times I have moved. My almost nomadic lifestyle as a young boy caused my family and I to move from New Jersey to Seattle and finally California, with many other homes in between. This constant movement has made me appreciate my surroundings as I now live in San Jose, the fourth safest city in the United States. The wooden support beams on interior of the guitar signify the deep roots that I have grown here in the Bay Area, and everyday I appreciate my friends' company, the wonderful high school I attend, and the time, stress, and effort my parents have endured to allow me to enjoy my lifestyle today. If it weren't for these certain people my instrument would not be the same.

The many chords one can play on a guitar reflect all of my accomplishments; the beautiful sounds of certain chords portray my greatest accomplishments whereas the chords played wrong signify my failures and harsh memories. Nonetheless, each chord's resonating tone throughout the guitar's body represents the effect that every event has had on me, and to this day I continue to hear the sounds of my past achievements, learning from my mistakes and cherishing my successes.

Each of the six strings characterizes my various morals, attitudes, and even personalities as I have matured throughout life. The tuning keys at the headstock of the guitar represent the changes I have made to each of these aspects of my life. My morals have pretty much remained the same, but my adolescent attitude has slowly transitioned into the patient, calm person that I am today. Once the guitar is tuned to perfection, it is ready to create magnificent music that is pleasing to the ear. These songs can be played with fingers alone or with a small pick. This small, insignificant tool actually helps represent the choices made as I progressed through life. Each one has steered me in a different direction and eventually led to this single choice which will surely impact my future. I have carefully plucked many strings in my existence as a teenager, but now I need to carefully decide what to play next. College has become one of the six strings.

Any revisions would be extremely helpful thanks!