Undergraduate / "Family, the Sequoia National Park experience" UC Prompt 1 [2]

Hello, I have a very rough draft for the first prompt. I was wondering if I correctly answered it and if there were any problems. This was a really frustrating prompt because everything that I wrote always sounded cheesy and unmeaningful which is what I'm afraid will ruin my statement. The second prompt was a little easier and I felt like it tells more about me. The second essay has been heavily revised so I think it's ready to go.

Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Behaviorists believe that the environment we are raised in defines who we are. In a way, my environment can be easily described by how it influenced me. Although I am defined by my community and friends, my family has been the greatest factor. My parents, along with thousands of other 'boat people' fleeing from Vietnam, escaped their ravaged homeland by settling in the U.S. My father pursued his ambitions after becoming a citizen by successfully enrolling into college in New Jersey while my mother struggled to support her siblings. Although they faced difficult circumstances such as making ends meet, I was fortunate enough to enjoy experiences that motivated me to study the sciences, particularly biology and chemistry.

One of these experiences was camping for the first time at the Sequoia National Park when I was a child. It was a surreal feeling for I was not accustomed to sight of towering red woods or the calmness of the forest atmosphere. The abundance of creatures such as grizzlies and spotted owls, to the countless number of plants, fascinated me because I had never left the mundane boundaries of the cityscape. Since then, camping trips were more than family vacations; they were portals that drove my passion for discovery that allowed me to appreciate the natural world.

My family's willingness to accept answers from different perspectives has also attributed to my aspirations of studying science. As Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Being raised in an open minded home, I was always encouraged to seek answers that satisfied my curiosity. For instance, at age seven, I discovered that placing pH paper in my mouth made the indicator turn green. It would then proceed to turn red when placed in lemon juice and purple in soapy water. I was fascinated by this discovery and wanted to understand why the paper reacted this way. Years later, the pH indicator that I formerly used has now been replaced with indicators such as methyl orange or phenolphthalein, but the same fascination for new discoveries remains.

My aspirations of studying biology led me to enroll into John Muir Middle School which was a science magnet. There, I was able to take classes in earth, biological and physical sciences. By excelling in my passion, I was awarded the John Muir Medal which inspired me to continue pursuing my goals in high school. I still carry my family's value to keep accept different opinions which I believe are imperative to being successful in the scientific field.

Through my family, I have developed an unstoppable drive to understand my world. I know that through research and ingenuity in the biological fields, I can bring understanding to those curious as me. Behaviorists are truly correct about one's environment as mine has defined me to always uncover the facts, discover the mysteries of this universe, and appreciate knowledge.

Undergraduate / "Sports, Dedication", personal talent/quality [4]

#2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishmentmakes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

A man can only be beaten in two ways: if he gives up, or if he dies. I was never fully mature enough to understand how important the value of dedication was until late in my freshman year. Students at my school specialized in visual and performing arts, sports, and clubs while I passively went on day by day asking myself 'what am I doing?' After my freshman year, I decided to be someone by playing football, joining track, and eventually entering a club. I started to connect and meet with devoted individuals, like my future teammates. I realized that pursuing a goal meant more than understanding what it was. You had to make it revolve around your life.

Sports have taught me more about perseverance. "Hell Week" for football was my first test in my ability to respond in the face of an obstacle. Baking in the 102 degree summer heat, I marveled as my fellow teammates and I pushed through another grueling day of conditioning and practice, realizing that we relied on each other. We encouraged each other by motivating and cheering for those finishing laps around the scorching field. It was torture, but I knew that this exhausting work to perform at my absolute best would eventually pay off when the football season started.

Unfortunately we were not competitive enough in the A-league and had a record of 1-9 during my junior year. During this season, I became a gracious winner and respectful loser. It was no surprise that nobody dropped out of the team in the middle of the season because we stayed together, determined to play as a team. I believe this created a bond that made us greater my senior year which put us in a position for a league championship this year.

As I write so enthusiastically about sports, it may seem odd that I will be focusing on biology and dentistry for my higher education. On the contrary, sports have taught me to never quit or cut corners and my enjoyment of team sports is matched by my interest in the sciences. I live in San Jose; the heart of Silicon Valley where surrendering is not an option. Having the desire to succeed is in the DNA of our most accomplished and inspirational leaders like former CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman or the late Pat Tilman. Even my parents, who originated in Vietnam, did not abandon their pursuit of freedom in the wake of a war that was consuming their country. My father was able to learn English, attend college in New Jersey, and start his own business in San Jose. If he was able to achieve this feat, I should have no excuse to not take full advantage of the opportunities being granted by schools. Being committed and passionate about interests are values that I now believe are necessary for success. I no longer find myself asking "what am I doing?" instead, it's "where am I going?"

Undergraduate / "Importance of NAHS" and "Interests in Aviation" USC Short Answer Questions 1+2 [NEW]

Hello, thanks for reviewing my first draft of the usc prompt. Can you tell me if I:
-answered the prompt
-made any grammatical errors
-can use any improvements
thanks!

Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why. Please feel free to talk about an activity other than one you may have discussed in your essay.

I take much pride in being apart of my school's National Art Honors Society. The broad scope of projects that NAHS participates in is why I cherish being a member. We concentrate on working around the community by adding an element of artistic flair. One of the major projects that we annually partake in is Relay for Life, a cancer awareness and fundraising event that celebrates survivors and remind us of those who have died. Every year, we help raise hundreds of dollars by running in the relay and providing a face painting station during the relay to represent our school. In the spring of my junior year, I had the great honor of relaying with several cancer survivors and donors, a first hand experience of true tenacity.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections.

At age 3, I got a taste of flight when I looked up toward the sky. Four Blue Angels surged past me in a diamond formation at the Golden Gate Bridge during San Francisco's annual Fleet Week. The unique thundering roar of their jet engines was unforgettable as they flirted with the sound barrier. Ever since then, I've been fascinated in the concept of flight. Although my first choice is to major in biology, my passion is in aviation. I plan to pursue this interest at USC by enrolling in the aerospace program as a second major. Because USC is a leading research institution, I'm confident that I can expect the best possible engineering courses. I also believe the number of distinguished pilots at USC, including Neil Armstrong, has become source of inspiration for students like myself who look toward the sky.