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Posts by jfk
Joined: Nov 21, 2010
Last Post: Dec 14, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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jfk   
Dec 14, 2010
Undergraduate / "How can we not care about American Indians?" - Common App Essay [6]

For future reference, ALWAYS include the essay prompt in your post. I don't know what the prompt is, so I can't really comment accurately about your essay.

That aside, it does feel more like a persuasive essay, something that I would write for an AP World History essay. This essay doesn't really show much about yourself, which is what the essays are all about. (Although it would help to know what the prompt is).
jfk   
Dec 11, 2010
Undergraduate / Dear Future Roommate, Stanford supplement. "Bring out your bling!" [5]

This is great stuff! I really do think the informal tone is appropriate and well-done. In some cases, this could be horribly botched, but I think you nailed it.

This is the one essay that is really supposed to be personal, and as Altons said, your eccentricity is great.

Nice job, and best of luck.
jfk   
Dec 3, 2010
Undergraduate / "to stand up for my friend" - Experience that helped you define one of your values. [4]

Any and all feedback is welcome, I appreciate it!
(Did I go overboard with the quotes?)

Using the following quotation from "The Moral Obligations of Living in a Democratic Society" as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world:

"Empathy is not simply a matter of trying to imagine what others are going through, but having the will to muster enough courage to do something about it. In a way, empathy is predicated upon hope."

- Cornel West, Class of 1943 University Professor in the Center for African American Studies, Princeton University

"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." I once stumbled upon this quote while surfing the web, and it has been a constant reminder of how to approach issues of morality. Ethical dilemmas, more often than not, are character-defining moments, and it is in these moments that we can learn about ourselves, and grow from the experience. When I was in middle school, I faced a decisive ethical dilemma. I was in class with one of my best friends, Sawyer, when a classmate came up, made fun of his appearance, and said something along the lines of "go to hell." There was no mistake about it; he was deliberately trying to hurt his feelings, and for no conceivable reason at that. There I was, witnessing an entirely unwarranted assault, and I knew that I had to do something about it. At that moment, something inside of me was telling me to stand up for my friend. I knew that a great injustice had been done to him; I knew that it was wrong, and I knew that he didn't deserve it.

Even so, the worst part of the entire situation, was that I did nothing. Instead of doing what I knew was right, I internalized that feeling and failed to act. Not only did I fail my friend, but I also failed myself. "There is no such thing as a minor lapse in integrity"; looking back, few words have ever shaken me so profoundly. I still feel guilty for not acting-I was the bystander that watches something unjust, and I did nothing about it. It occurred to me that I, his best friend, didn't stand up for him, and it was at that moment that I took a good, hard look at my character. I then resolved to never let something like that happen again; I resolved to never be the bystander that watches and does nothing. When I witness the state of the humanity, I always think to myself, "things can be better. Things should be better." However, change and growth starts at the individual, and it is in experiences like my own that we learn to "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Empathy, means "having the will to muster enough courage to do something." Questions of ethics, honesty, and integrity can be intensely challenging, and it is in these trials that we affirm and develop in our integrity. I matured from my experience, and I have lived with the growth, the memory, and the regret, ever since.
jfk   
Dec 3, 2010
Undergraduate / ("Princeton in the Nation's Service") How to Improve Princeton Supplement Essay? [30]

This is an incredible essay, powerful writing. I agree with StillLifeWitHam, it felt real, like i was experiencing it with you.

Your conviction and emotion are manifest, and I don't think I've ever been touched by an essay like this. I wouldn't change a thing, this is [i]incredibly[i] powerful.

Stay strong, I wish you the best of luck.
jfk   
Nov 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay: Interest about math, science, or engineering? [6]

Thanks for the feedback!

I see your point, so I should be discussing more concrete details/examples?

When I was writing this I got into one of those writing fervors, but could you explain a little about how it is wordy/ what i can do to fix that?
jfk   
Nov 21, 2010
Undergraduate / Caltech Essay: Interest about math, science, or engineering? [6]

Prompt: Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman (1918-1988) explained, 'I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium'; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by 'piddling around all the time.' In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

Any feedback, comments, or suggestions are gladly welcome!

My interest and curiosity in the world of academia is best embodied in a quality that I consider inherent in my personality; that is, the quality of intellectual vitality. "Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." I once stumbled upon this quote from Albert Einstein while surfing the web, and it has been a constant reminder of how I should approach life. I value this sense of intellectual vitality immensely, as it pervades virtually every aspect of my life. In each day that passes, I find myself asking more and more questions about the world around me, and nothing pleases me more than the pursuit of these answers. From the very basest of questions in every day life, to the most complex questions in theoretical physics, I find myself wanting to learn more and more every single day. The actions of learning, discovery, and wonder are exhilarating to both my mind and spirit.

My passion for learning truly evolved and flourished in high school. Before then, school was just school-nothing more. But it was at that point that I began to develop the intellectual maturity, curiosity, and presence of mind to truly appreciate the action of learning and discovery. Here, I was immersed in a world of intellectual freedom where nothing was impossible or out of reach. Since then, this passion has only grown more dynamic and more vibrant. Every experience I have strengthens this enthusiasm. The greatest way that I express my excitement about science is the unrelenting, indefatigable questioning of the world around me. Some might consider this a matter of imagination, but it is as real to me as the physical universe. Not a day goes by where I don't find myself asking, "How does that work?" or simply "Why does that happen?" It is incredibly thrilling to observe an affect, question it, and to pursue the answers, whether by discussion, reading, experimentation, or plain thought. Oddly enough, the only thing more exciting is to reach the end of the trail, where no one knows the answers; no one knows what is beyond the trail. It is in these seemingly simple pursuits that I find the most engaging, exhilarating crossroads: where the vitality of the mind reaches the edges of the known universe, where the possibilities and thrill of imagination and discovery are literally endless. This is what excites me most about the sciences, and the simple act of questioning is how I express that interest.

The expression of this excitement manifests itself in more ordinary ways as well. I pursue these opportunities academically, as a form of expression. The plain act of signing up for challenging courses in chemistry, physics, biology, and calculus is a way of satisfying my interest and curiosity in the sciences. The fact that I get to face these opportunities every single day is of immeasurable value to me. Even more so, this expression reaches out of the bounds of school. I have engaged myself in Michigan Tech Youth Program explorations, as well as summer engineering programs at the University of Wisconsin- Madison. This previous summer, I volunteered daily in a Materials Science and Engineering lab at UW- Madison. This was by far one of the most engaging and exciting academic experiences I have ever had. I shadowed a graduate student and his research in "Nanostructure Fabrication with Scanning Tunneling Microscope," and I even learned how to operate the STM! Every experience, from the first lab tour to the weekly research paper discussions, satiated my excitement, but at the same time, made me hungry for more.

In a different light, newfound pastimes reading the Scientific American and National Geographic have revealed to me the degree of my interest in the sciences. This passion extends even to the realms of fiction, where authors like Isaac Asimov have quickly become all-time favorites of mine. Reading, and the sphere of imagination is becoming an ever-greater source of expression. Einstein is quoted to have said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." Particularly in the realms of science and discovery, he could not be more right. Every day that passes, my passion, interest, and excitement for learning grown only stronger. The expression of this passion comes in different forms and in different manners. Whether in the simple act of questioning, seizing academic opportunities, or in the form of imagination, the ways that I express my interest remain crucial to my intellectual vitality.
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