Posts by elisabeths

elisabeths

Nov 30, 2010

Grammar, Usage / To get correction of these sentences [11]

Academic Statement, one sentence correction

I had to write a short academic statement for the Dean of my Department to sign it.
Maybe you can proofread it and check the grammar etc.

Thank you!!

The student [...] is eligible for attending the Study Abroad Programme at Roehampton University, London. At this point in time a semester in England would fit in well with her education.

elisabeths

Nov 30, 2010

Writing Feedback / Does the development of technology lead to environmental pollution and energy crisis? [2]

I think your essay is a bit harsh...it sounds like you think science and technology is (maybe a bit exaggerated) the most evil thing in the world!

I study technical physics, so, I might see it from a different point of view.

Maybe you should write about another perspective additionally. I agree, that some (!!) new developments in technology lead to energy shortage, but people aren't forced to use these things. Yet, they do, so, "green technology, and renewable and clean energy" CAN help reduce pollution. And I think, that most countries which cannot afford research, have less pollution problems anyway.

Furthermore you write about chemicals. You can't just say that all of them are bad. I wrote an artical about "Organic Farming" last year and did a lot of research therefore. It showed that organic farming is even worse in some cases, because it leads for example to heavy metal legacies. Maybe you can have a look at an ecobalance.

Hope I could help you!

elisabeths

Nov 30, 2010

Undergraduate / "I began studying sociology" - UC Transfer Intro- Sociology Major [3]

i think it's written well...really like it!
you give some good (personal!!) examples why you're interested in that specific course.

elisabeths

Nov 22, 2010

Undergraduate / "I study Technical Physics" - study abroad in London [3]

hey!

i'm writing on my personal statement for my application to study abroad. maybe you have some ideas or can help me?

my first draft:

Travelling has always been a huge passion of mine. It is fascinating to explore new cultures and to understand different ways of living in foreign countries. I know this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity to fulfil my dream of living abroad. Studying at XY University would not only give me the opportunity to spend a semester in London, one of the most vibrant and multi-cultural cities in Europe, but also to develop my personal skills.

During a summer internship at an international technology company I realized that it is essential to gain international experience while being educated. I think it is important for my future career development to broaden my horizon by attending business courses, because of the close interaction between technology, science and business. Furthermore, spending some months in England would help me to learn to speak a second language fluently.

Though I study Technical Physics at my Home University, Vienna University of Technology, I have a broad interest in many subject areas. Beside my studies I am playing clarinet in an orchestra and also volunteer as a clarinet teacher for primary school children once every two weeks.

I believe that my analytical thinking, which I developed over the last year while studying physics, would help me to attend business courses successfully and my ambition to learn new things, combined with my desire to experience new adventures, is a good basis for an exciting and wonderful time in London.

Thank you so much!!