It is a response essay, and I would appreciate if you can provide me constructive feedback on the argument, sentence structures, grammar, organization, critical reasoning and transitions.
Thank you
In this time and age, science and technology are advancing at an alarming rate. It goes without saying that the rapid development of science and technology brings considerable benefits to human being. Thanks to science, we now live safer, more comfortable and convenient life. However, others argue that it also brings us environmental pollution and energy shortage. I totally agree with it.
Firstly, science should be responsible for environmental issues. When we enjoy the comfort and convenience of modern traffic, a large amount of exhaust gas from automobiles leads to serious air pollution. In addition, owing to the development of modern agricultural technology, farmers tend to use lots of chemical fertilizers and pesticides to increase the yield. Nevertheless, we often neglect the adverse effect of these chemicals, which severely poison our arable soil and underground water.
Besides environmental pollution, science also probably causes energy shortage. With advances in technology, we are able to use the modern technology to exploit more energy (including fossil fuel, coal, natural gas and so on) to meet the demand for the growing population. The more population we have, the more energy we need. Finally it results in a vicious circle with the energy consumption and the population growth. Furthermore, with the expansion of industrialization, requirement for energy worldwide has an upward trend. We have a great need for energy because of the rapid growth of our economy.
Admittedly, some people hold that we can reduce environmental pollution by green technology, and explore renewable and clean energy such as wind energy or solar energy to solve energy crisis. But these new technologies need a large number of investments on research and development. Most countries can not afford it. Therefore these methods are infeasible in the short term.
By a way of conclusion, I believe that it is the development of science and technology that leads to the pollution of environment and shortage of energy.
I think your essay is a bit harsh...it sounds like you think science and technology is (maybe a bit exaggerated) the most evil thing in the world!
I study technical physics, so, I might see it from a different point of view.
Maybe you should write about another perspective additionally. I agree, that some (!!) new developments in technology lead to energy shortage, but people aren't forced to use these things. Yet, they do, so, "green technology, and renewable and clean energy" CAN help reduce pollution. And I think, that most countries which cannot afford research, have less pollution problems anyway.
Furthermore you write about chemicals. You can't just say that all of them are bad. I wrote an artical about "Organic Farming" last year and did a lot of research therefore. It showed that organic farming is even worse in some cases, because it leads for example to heavy metal legacies. Maybe you can have a look at an ecobalance.
Hope I could help you!
