Posts by tavia528

tavia528

Dec 13, 2010

Undergraduate / The Low Steps - Columbia Short essay [10]

Well, the low steps are specific to Columbia, I believe. They're in front of the Low Library and thus are called the Low Steps...

Its not that I chose Columbia solely on the steps, its more what they represent to me and because I was already into Columbia after reading about their curriculum and activities. It was the difference between Texas and New York that was holding me back. The steps kind of made it feel like home in a place that was far different from home. Which is why I find them so appealing.

tavia528

Dec 8, 2010

Scholarship / "I love to learn, education is my passion" - Why you for this scholarship? [7]

That makes sense.
I had no idea what to write for those questions.

Thank you!

tavia528

Dec 8, 2010

Undergraduate / The Low Steps - Columbia Short essay [10]

tensplyr4eva

That is exactly what I am worried about. I thought the topic would seem like I only like that steps.
someone told me that if I'm applying they know I must love the core, love the city, and appreciate the education, but I feel as though thats assuming to much.

But I don't want to say something that I can write for everything like "I like the diversity of "__", "The core provides a wide variety of classes and I feel as though I could learn to think new and creative as a scientist and expand my interests."

And this is where I get stuck.

tavia528

Nov 26, 2010

Scholarship / "I love to learn, education is my passion" - Why you for this scholarship? [7]

Ok, so I added this to the end.

All I need is the opportunity to succeed. Unfortunately, every path has it's obstacles, money being mine. If education was a roller coaster ride I wouldn't even have enough to enter the park. By considering me you would be one step closer to giving me that opportunity and I would be one step closer to having it.

I'm not sure if that's good or not. Any other suggestions?

tavia528

Nov 26, 2010

Undergraduate / "Mongolia, a successful nurse or engineer" - "Realization" (need editing) [8]

Maybe you could say how important education is and what it does for the standard of living in a country. How would assist these other countries? Do you have any ideas that could help or will you just continue to advocate and volunteer? Maybe relate it to what you plan on majoring in?

As for your intro and conclusion you have a few error is grammar and usage but I'm going to assume that you already know that.

"I have seen my parents struggle to keep a roof over my head and to feed my brother and me. ~~They have always worked hard to provide for us.~~ " - I feel as though the second part is repetitive.

"to be able to dream bigger and have ~~bigger and~~ brighter futures than they could have ever hoped~~to have~~ ." - the second bigger is a bit repetitive, I would suggest finding a new word or just taking it out. I would also take to to have as I think that sounds weird and is a bit condescending to your parents, but they may just be me.

I hope this helps :)

tavia528

Nov 26, 2010

Scholarship / "I love to learn, education is my passion" - Why you for this scholarship? [7]

This is all I can come up with so far.

For me education isn't just a requirement for the career I will pursue. Education is a passion. I simply love to learn and if I could spend the rest of my life in classroom pursuing some new form of knowledge, I promise you, I would. Obiviously I can't spend my life in a classroom, but I can still work in a research facility and search for those missing links and learning about things that haven't even been discovered yet. All I need is the opportunity.

tavia528

Nov 25, 2010

Undergraduate / The Low Steps - Columbia Short essay [10]

Thank you. :)
My only problem is I have enough room for maybe one small sentence.
I managed to take one sentence out to give me more room though.

tavia528

Nov 25, 2010

Undergraduate / "Born and raised in Iceland; The crispy apple to the riches." - my life as a journey [4]

I like it, but I feel you cheapen in just a bit at the end. I think you want to show that your friends and family and the experiences you have had have helped you learn to stand on you own and achieve your goals rather than needing your friends and family to guide you still. Work on your flow and your word usage I changed a few of them but there are others. Also it's a little bit repetitive you say achievements and accomplish a lot. Elaborate more on how you've grown as a person and how you've changed, and focus it more. One thing my teacher tells me when I give him my essays is "Show me! Don't tell me!" So to reiterate him. Show me! It still needs work in my opinion, but you have good material.

That just my two cents.
Good luck. :)

tavia528

Nov 25, 2010

Undergraduate / The Low Steps - Columbia Short essay [10]

It's suppose to be 1500 characters, this one is around 1300-1400.
I'm not sure if I fully answer the prompt. I've asked several people but some people say I do and some people say I don't so I'm really confused.

Also is writing about the Low Steps... superficial?

Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:

I spent the first years of my life in a trailer in the country. Out there everyone sat on the steps of their porch as they talked, read, or stared off into the distance. But then times changed, and bills piled up. So we moved to an apartment in the city. Everything about the city was different, but there was one thing that seemed to pervade: everyone still sat on the steps and talked. So I clung to that and I built my home around it.

Last year someone told me that I should apply to Columbia University.
"Where is it?" I asked.
"New York City. Just look it up, okay?"
"Oh. Okay, I will." I'll admit that I replied rather insincerely. I originally had no intention of going so far from home for college. But I said I would look it up and so I did. I scoured through tons of information, falling in love with everything from the core to the research, but not quite reaching the breaking point. I needed a push and I found it. The magnificent Low steps filled with so many different people talking, studying, eating, and watching people play games all around them. I could imagine myself sitting there on a nice day reading about quantum mechanics or Dante's Inferno. It gave me a feeling I hadn't felt at any other school I'd looked at. I could fit in, I could stand out, I could be challenged, and most importantly I could make a home.