Posts by ceo108

ceo108

Nov 28, 2010

Undergraduate / "father's strict religious rules" - My dad's impact on me [6]

i personally loved your essay =D
it is a little long though and you do say a lot of things you don't really need to say..

"The awkwardness of the brief stare made us turn away, and I shook off the look of longing I saw in his eyes. "Wake up at six o'clock tomorrow, we have a lot of work to do," I heard my father say as he walked into the restroom. "Ugh." I sighed to myself, "I can never have a break!" "

the restroom part could just be deleted. also, you don't need to have a dialogue for that part. you could just say something along the lines of how you didn't want to get up early..

that's just an example though, i agree with fams though in regards to your 3rd para being rather long winded.. cut to the chase, you don't need to include "he turned, said something under his breath" etc etc

in the 4th, i'm not a huge fan of the line, ""It's because of you, dad!" I screamed." . it's a little redundant seeing that its obvious its because of your dad

ceo108

Nov 28, 2010

Undergraduate / BU's 5 to 6 sentences. Is it too petty to include ex bf? [4]

i changed absolutely everything
thank you for your opinions anyway though! :)

ceo108

Nov 26, 2010

Undergraduate / "After volunteering, a daycare" - SUNY COMMON APP EXTRACURRICULAR [5]

i think your short answer is way too big if it's for the common app :o
you need to shorten it alot!

ceo108

Nov 26, 2010

Book Reports / Critique for "THE ROAD," Cormac McCarthy's novel. Tell us about a book. [4]

i'm applying to macaulay's too ;D
i was crazzzzy worried about the word count, since when you imput it into the system, it says the amount of characters you used and how many words, which means who ever is viewing it can see that you didn't follow their directions -__-''

you can always edit out certain things like
the father tells his six year old son
and write young instead

anywaysssss

"are we the good guys?"
i think the A should be capitalized since its a sentence of it's own, but i'm not entirely sure

really good essay though :)

ceo108

Nov 26, 2010

Undergraduate / BU's 5 to 6 sentences. Is it too petty to include ex bf? [4]

My BU app is due on Dec 1 and I'm freaaaaaaaaking
I came up with a draft for the prompt:

In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

"Just make sure you don't go to the same college as him," said my friend Lauren in reference to my ex-boyfriend. Seeing that I was a Junior oblivious to all things college related, I decided to look into what I would be missing out and I internet searched Boston University. After being directed to BU.edu, I realized I really did not care if this boy was going to be in the same school; BU was too beautiful. I scoured the website and googled like a fiend. I practically begged my parents to take me on a college trip over the summer to see the campus and the surrounding Boston area. After seeing the buildings in person and soaking in the vibe of BU, I figured out that it was exactly where I wanted to spend four years of my life.

I'm just worried, is it too petty to bring up my ex boyfriend and how he was going to sway my decision where I was going? It seems childish, but it was true at the time. I've grown up a great deal since then.