Required Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum)
How our lives are perceived is something we see as sacred. In a world where everyone is observed under a microscope, we strive to do that which is beneficial to us while avoiding as much criticism as possible. On the other hand, when it comes to the circumstances of others, seldom are we concerned enough to help out of our goodwill. Unfortunately, it is when we help others that we are truly benefiting ourselves. As a child, I failed to learn this. Like any other child, I was selfish and at times hurtful. It wasn't until high school that I matured. Joining Midwood Lacrosse, one of our requirements was to volunteer and help the community by cleaning and fixing up a daycare. Even though I had matured, I didn't feel up to putting a 100% into cleaning a daycare during an early Saturday morning. Walking into the daycare, I noticed the place was an absolute mess. Papers were everywhere, chairs were scattered, and overall the rooms were complete chaos. By the looks of the place, it didn't make sense to me how children could even enjoy their time there. Within minutes of entering I found my team and I were already put to work. When I met the workers, I realized how motivated and hardworking they were in ensuring that the place would be cleaned up. Suddenly it didn't seem like I was being "put to work" instead I was making it a priority that these kids came to a clean daycare. Together we swept, shined, wiped, threw out garbage and cleaned the elevator. After volunteering to come four more times, my team and I left leaving the daycare spotless. The following day we were greeted by the eyes of each grateful and thankful child and I felt my time spent at the daycare was well worth. I was proud of my teammates and I, for we as a team had helped to serve the community.
The topic of this is really great. It's definitely something at least sort of unique that your team was required to do volunteer work, I'm not really sure but I've never heard of it. It will be a nice change of pace for the essay readers to not hear about being on the lacrosse team, but about something you got out of being on the lacrosse team. Some of the sentences are a little choppy, and grammar is a little weird in some places. Read it over a few more times.
"Unfortunately, it is when we help others that we are truly benefiting ourselves."
^I don't think unfortunately should be in this sentence, maybe put but instead
Nor do I think you need the first sentence of your essay "How our lives are perceived is something we see as sacred", it doesn't really provide the topic of your essay, you don't really continue with that thought.
But definitely keep the topic!
thank you for the helpful response
how do you think i should start the essay?
How our lives are perceived is something we see as sacred affects us tremendously.---or something like that. Choose a word that is better than tremendously. :-) hahahah...
In a world where everyone is observed under a microscope, we strive to do that which is beneficial to us while avoiding as much criticism as possible. --I like this sentence! It would be good if this was the first sentence of the essay.
On the other hand, when it comes to the circumstances of others, seldom are we concerned enough to help out of our goodwill. Unfortunately, it is when we help others that we are truly benefiting ourselves. (end the first paragraph here)
paragraph #2:
As a child, I failed to learn this truth about helping others...
:-)
i think your short answer is way too big if it's for the common app :o
you need to shorten it alot!
