Essays / the YMCA Achievers program, Illinois Essay #2 - activity/experience [3]

University if Illinois essay topic:
In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

This is a rough draft of my essay. Please let me know of anything I can do to make my essay better.
Thank you.

I am also looking for another way to end the essay. I am not liking what I have.

During my freshman year in high school, there was much talk about the YMCA, which I was not a part of. I wondered what the YMCA was all about. I figured it could not be that great. Before I entered my sophomore year of high school I decided to go check it out. As expected, almost all of the kids who talked about the YMCA were their, looking as if they were enjoying their time. I asked the lady at the front desk what the YMCA offers and how I could be a part of the program. She explained all the information to me and mentioned of the YMCA Achievers program which most of the students participate in. She stated that the program's mission is to: empower minority youth to make and achieve positive goals in their education and personal lives, and that they encourage growth in personal development, college preparation, community service and leadership, cultural enrichment, and recreation. I then learned that this program would be of no charge to me. With such great attributes that the YMCA Achievers program had to offer, their was no way I could turn it down. That same day, I signed up. Since then I have been actively involved in the program and have learned many valuable assets in the process. They have informed me about college and the many different career choices, which helped in making my decision to become an Architect. Currently the program is assisting me with getting into college by teaching me the proper steps I should take to get accepted into a great school like UIUC. I will continue to be a part of the YMCA Achievers and I hope to one day repay them for all the effort they have put into making me a successful individual.

Undergraduate / "my dream of becoming an architect" - academic interest, University of Illinois Essay [2]

University if Illinois essay topic:
In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

This is a rough draft of my essay. Please let me know of anything I can do to make my essay better.
Thank you.

As a child my family moved a numerous amount of times, which exposed me to the field of architecture. I have always been amazed by the different structures and designs of the houses we lived in and the buildings that surrounded them. It wasn't until my high school years when my fascination towards architecture started to progress. We were moving once again, and my parents were struggling to find a house that was fit for our family. I began to think to myself, "If only someone could build us a house from the ground up with all the necessities we needed, my parents would have nothing to worry about." So I took the thought upon myself and came to the conclusion that, that someone is me. With always having an interest in the design and structure of houses, this thought was a valuable asset in my decision to pursue the career of an architect. Although we did end up finding a house that was fit for our family, it was not what we were all really looking for. My parents are still in the pursuit to find the perfect house for our family, and as for me, I am currently enrolled in architectural classes and taking the steps I need to help pursue my dream of becoming an architect. I am determined to carry out my goals with the help of University of Illinois. I know that UIUC's School of Architecture will allow me to develop the critical thinking skills that are needed in today's world to pursue the career of Architecture and with their help I will be able to create the perfect home for my family.