skayode
Aug 29, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Telecommuting and working at home [2]
Actually, i think there is a fault in your first paragraph. You can start with a fact, not necessarily with the definition. make sure your fact is a concrete one. I don't understand the meaning of 'more and more". i feel you can easily say"a lot". some minor grammatical errors. NO. you don't put your main reason for writing the essay in the second paragraph; it's meant to be in the first paragraph dear.
Actually, it is nice you start with your topic sentence, but there is a lot of ways you can do that in which your approach will be beautiful. never abbreviate in an essay- simply say what it means and put in bracket the shortened form, that way you educating the reader. I don't really like the way you constructed your 3rd paragraph. re-write the essay and i will re- check it if i'm less busy.
Actually, i think there is a fault in your first paragraph. You can start with a fact, not necessarily with the definition. make sure your fact is a concrete one. I don't understand the meaning of 'more and more". i feel you can easily say"a lot". some minor grammatical errors. NO. you don't put your main reason for writing the essay in the second paragraph; it's meant to be in the first paragraph dear.
Actually, it is nice you start with your topic sentence, but there is a lot of ways you can do that in which your approach will be beautiful. never abbreviate in an essay- simply say what it means and put in bracket the shortened form, that way you educating the reader. I don't really like the way you constructed your 3rd paragraph. re-write the essay and i will re- check it if i'm less busy.
