smiley34
Dec 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "school pride that I had back at home" - Why Columbia [4]
A lot of punctuation here, commas specifically. Split them into separate sentences.
I think it's rather cheesy? That's just my opinion, of course but maybe just eliminate it. Think about it. Or put something else that says something about you.
Good start, just needs revising.
When our taxi dropped us off in Morningside Heights and we walked onto the Columbia campus, I was amazed- I tripped on the steps of Low Memorial Library because I was too busy looking around. [This jumps and doesn't for well. Put something here that transitions between these sentences.] Then, as we listened to an admissions counselor, one thing interested me in particular: the core curriculum.
Going to a small, Catholic, girl's school for the past six years, I am able to talk to my friends of every grade level- rant or obsess over books we read, topics we discuss in religion class, and the like.
A lot of punctuation here, commas specifically. Split them into separate sentences.
in short, there is no place I'd rather be.
I think it's rather cheesy? That's just my opinion, of course but maybe just eliminate it. Think about it. Or put something else that says something about you.
Good start, just needs revising.
