Undergraduate / "My Own Stereotype" - Stanford Roomate Supplement Essay [2]

Someone once told me (start directly with the quote) "to learn more about somebody, observe who they hang out with". While this advice may stay true for somebody, I find it completely irrelevant to a person like myself. Toss me into a room with 200 randomly selected people from wherever (redundancy, remove it) and I can guarantee I will find something I have in common with every single (don't repeat your self, you said every, no need to say single) one of them. There is no possible way to group me into one typical teenage stereotype. People group me as a jock, because I have played over 10 different competitive sports throughout my adolescence and teenage years; a math nerd, considering I spent summers studying math at the local college and have been out of my school's math program since sophomore year; a bro, because I rock vans, slim jeans, and a NorCal t-shirt; and a gym addict, due to the countless hours and dollars I spend in the gym and buying protein powder. (good) My peers constantly bombard me with these oxymoronic tags in futile attempts to harness my attributes into one single typecast. I've been called a guy's guy and a ladies man, a nerdy jock, or even a goody-good and a partier, which is odd because I have never drank or smoked and I spent nearly every Friday night at home on the couch with my family due to my mother's Seventh Day Adventist religion. So really, if I had to classify myself into a descriptive stereotype, I would say that I'm a 5'8", 145 pound nerdy bro, half-Asian jock, goody-good partier, urbanized Future Farmers of America member, who splits up his free time between the pumping iron and pounding protein shakes, sniping corners on a makeshift hockey net in the backyard, and searching all over youtube.com for new songs to learn on his curly koa Hawaiian made electric ukulele.

in general, I believe this is a good essay..

Undergraduate / My own place, Small detail in the world, New Curriculum - NotreDame Supplement [3]

The total isolation from the outside world helps me to concentrate on the matter - remove "to"

for the second essay, honestly, I don't thing your answer is relevent...

Undergraduate / "to become a good business leader" - Boston [2]

|" I found Boston University's business program is the one that inspired me the most " You have to add "that" after found

Change "I have heard" to "I have discovered" it makes it more credible
To apply to boston...
" In the website, it helps students not only in education, but also in interview for jobs." change or remove "in the website"..

Undergraduate / "interest in the Physics department" - MIT admissions: Part 2 [2]

I think you have to reformulate " my reply ususally is"
Some things are two words
"The sensations that comes with discovery is far greater than than that anything esle can bring" is better.

Undergraduate / Each Ivy League is unique + To love math - Brown Supplemental Short Answers [5]

I think you should remove your financial aid argument. I dont thing telling the college I am applying because i can have financial aid is good for you

Undergraduate / My view on stereotyped beliefs; Amherst Supplement [4]

affect people's choices or characters.... I think it is not very correct to say that , linking between choices and characters is awkward.

Undergraduate / "My natural skills are science and math" - NCSSM ESSAY [4]

My future dream ranged from an astronaut to a policeman. I think it is a weak sentence.
try: "At the beginning, I had no clear response. However, with time,..."

Undergraduate / "My passion for guitar" - activities essay [5]

hmm I am not sure as well if it is correct to say "who" in that case, can "that" be a good subsitute??

What can I put in place of "refill with energy"??
in general is my essay good enough?

Undergraduate / MIT Short Essays: Cooking and Medicine [3]

Ok the first impression I get from your essays: you are a person who is ready to listen to others, to share with them. A good quality for working in a group maybe.

Your determination in your career choice is clear.
I love all of your introductory sentences.
I don't think I have anything to add.
Good luck

Undergraduate / "I am proud of being inquisitive" - personality essay [6]

What do you mean by simple?
Is the point of the essay clear?
How can I readuce its size? What should I change or omit?

Undergraduate / MIT: greatest challenge. my mother leaving; not her husband [6]

I think it is a very good essay... it made me think of the song "I will survive"
I also think that you can show how this situation had made you experience independency and be more responsible of your life outside home duties as well.

Good luck.