Undergraduate / "You're not dying" - My curiosity -- Common App Essay [5]

Hi everyone! This was an essay I wrote for my UC application. I really liked this, even though it doesn't have that much substance. I'm probably going to use it as a supplemental essay for the Common app but I want to make it stronger. I'd really appreciate it if you can help me with that, and with anything else, of course. Thank you all in advance!!

UC Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

"Grandma, I think I'm dying."

It's hard to understand death, let alone accept it, when you're only five years old. I did not expect that consequence at all before I consciously swallowed my first apple seed.

"You're not dying," she assured me.

Not convinced, I urged Grandma to prove it. Thus she introduced me to the children's biology section at the local bookstore. I remember listening to Grandma as she read my first plant book from cover to cover before I finally believed her.

I have always been known as the inquisitive girl with a reputation of taking matters into her own hands.

At times this meant trimming my bangs to the shape of ocean waves or restoring my favorite mechanical pencils back to working condition. Sometimes the results are favorable, other times, not so great. Although I did manage to fix some of my mechanical pencils, my bangs were a lost cause. Shocked that I'd even attempt something so ridiculous, Grandma unforgivingly snipped off most of my bangs. And despite my resentment at going to school with ugly, one-inch bangs, I don't regret having tried to cut my hair in a unique way.

I do not strive to limit myself to do only what others consider acceptable or sensible and I am not easily discouraged. Some people call my behavior disobedient when I question what my elders say. Some call it irrational when I waste time pondering the questions no one can answer. Some call it stubborn when I don't give in without being 100% sure. I disagree. I treasure my characteristics and I have come to appreciate the freedom my family has give me to ask questions.

It's been a while since apple seeds were on my agenda. Now I am wondering, how can we cure psoriasis? What can we do to motivate students to take their education more seriously? How can we improve the quality and efficiency of local transportation? How can we engineer battery-independent, solar laptops?

I know that one day, we will find the answer to all of these questions. But I want to take part in this phenomenon. My love for discovery feeds my hunger.

Undergraduate / "Learning to accept my new life" - Common App General Essay [2]

Thank you all in advance for helping me with this! I'm planning on reusing this essay with some corrections for my Common app, although it was written for my UC app. One of the problems I'm having is the lack of flow between sentences and paragraphs that make my essay, as a whole, confusing and incoherent. If you have any suggestions on how to improve that, I'd very much appreciate it, and of course anything else you think I should fix!! THANK YOU ALL!!! & Happy Holidays!!

Sometimes, the third time's actually the charm. But that wasn't what I was thinking about when I ran into my parents' arms at the airport. Having only seen them twice in nine years, I couldn't believe that this time, there was no time restriction on how long I could be held by Mommy or how long I could play with Daddy. I was overwhelmed with joy at the thought of living with them.

Raised by my two grandparents, I grew up in small city called Anyang in mainland China. My grandparents fed me, dressed me, loved me. They did everything parents were expected to do and more. Grandpa woke up early on Sunday mornings to buy my favorite breakfast food and Grandma stayed up to hold me in her arms whenever I fell ill. I was happy and spoiled by their love.

But the world wouldn't stop reminding me about the one missing link in my almost-perfect life - my parents. Through the few photo albums and my grandparents' stories, I learned that Mommy and Daddy made the decision to have my grandparents raise me only because they didn't want me to suffer the hardships they had to endure in America. I learned that my parents were endeavoring to obtain a green card so I could be reunited with them. And despite it all, I still cried on some nights. I cried about how deprived I was to grow up without my parents and hoped for change, but those tears evoked nothing except more self-pity and fear. I was afraid, afraid that my parents didn't love me enough.

When the opportunity to move to America came within my reach, I saw it as my chance to earn my parents' love. But as I packed my life into three suitcases, little did I know just how much life would change. The year after I immigrated, life was just short of excruciating. At school, I felt out-of-place and alone, with my bowl-cut hairstyle and out-of-fashion tights. At home, my parents forbade me from speaking Mandarin in hopes of accelerating my English learning. And no matter where I was, I always missed my loving grandparents.

Learning to accept my new life was the biggest challenge. Deep down, I'd always known that my old world was only 13 hours away by plane, yet I felt so distanced. Distanced, because I knew that although my old world was placed on pause the moment I left, my friends and family's world was not. Everything began slipping away. And as I strove to relive the pleasant memories, I began making necessary associations between the people and places of both my old and new life.

Perhaps that's when I first opened my eyes. Once I actually began seeing my new world, I could feel the two vastly different worlds merging together. I began seeing in my new classmates the smiles of my best friends and hearing in the new music the same beats of my favorite songs. I began recognizing the human kindness that I remembered from my hometown in the strangers beside me. However subtle these associations may have been, they made me feel more at home as I began making sense of my new surroundings. It was more than just a relief to know that a pat from a teacher in America meant the same as one in China. I had discovered that some things never changed, no matter where I go.

I found myself making not only connections, but also new friends while experiencing new thrills and even enjoying life a little. Though the magic didn't work overnight, in time, I was no longer the invisible girl who sat in a corner. In a sense, I became more me -- more like the girl who happily jumped rope with friends and eagerly shared her daily adventures with family. I'd more than just accepted life; I had learned to love it.

Undergraduate / "Architecture; the possibilities are endless" - Why Columbia [3]

Hiii, I'd really appreciate if you guys could read this and let me know what you think. Thank you all!!

Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why:

I love the architecture at Columbia University. I remember marveling at everything I saw, when I set foot on the main grounds. Ranging from Renaissance to Neo-Classical, structures at Columbia are unique yet they all fit together to create a magnificent campus. This ability to maintain individuality without disrupting order is not only a notable trait of the structures, but is also, more importantly, one of the student body. At Columbia, students from all cultures unite to explore their multifarious interests. Whether it's selecting double concentrations from different departments or joining both Asian American Alliance and French Cultural Society, students don't judge each other for their differences but learn to appreciate everyone's singularity. Although no student is like another, the pride of being a Lion unites all. Here, an engineering genius might find herself attending Professor and founder of Materials Research Corporation Sheldon Weinig's lecture with an aspiring entrepreneur and a math whiz. Here, she will cross the gateway into an environment that has educated presidents like FDR and Barack Obama. Perhaps she'll contribute to the growing list of alumni accomplishments in the near future. To put it simply, the possibilities are endless.

Being at Columbia means having no limitations on what can be achieved. Because, no matter how different the goals are, Columbians will find a way to mold them into one entity. And if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.