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Posts by Tranque
Joined: Dec 18, 2010
Last Post: Dec 18, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 4
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Tranque   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "My main concern was lunch." --Columbia Supplement [6]

It's good, but I feel there needs to be some transition between the introductory paragraph and the second.
Also, I would condense this if possible: "show that Columbia accepts people of different views and allows passionate debates"
Tranque   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / "Chess like war" - describe an intellectual or creative interest of yours. [6]

While I appreciate your approach as a chess fan, I would be very cautious in sending this as an admission essay. Where are you applying? Liberal arts colleges in particular may not be comfortable with the aggression you're projecting, using phrases like "killed it" and "POW". They tend to search for a more altruistic, harmonic perspective. Even larger public universities may be disturbed by phrases like, "If he seemed arrogant and annoying, like this particular kid, I imagined my captive men being dragged in to some dark, roach-infested dungeon where they were cruelly tortured and interrogated."

Not to be insulting, but given the violence and revenge in the passage, it seems a bit..childish. I highly suggest you consider writing about another topic, or choosing a new angle.

The first paragraph is acceptable.
Tranque   
Dec 18, 2010
Undergraduate / Approaching the "Common Good", Connection, Intelect - Bowdoin 2010 Supplement [5]

I have written so much (and for so many) over the past few weeks that my mind is drawing an absolute blank.
As I was writing this piece, I realized that I was answering a question, but perhaps not Bowdoin's. I continued with my train of thought, reviewed it, decided that it was better to have something than nothing and tied Bowdoin into it. Please review this and determine if it is an appropriate response to the prompt, and give some feedback as to what I can improve, what I should do differently, or if I should write another piece/select another topic entirely.

Thank you.

-----

250 words or less.
Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:

1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place

--
A key task in approaching the "Common Good" is identification - what is the common good? Is there really a defined standard by which all people were meant to live, crossing cultural and ethnic barriers? In a sense - yes. The essential realization is that such a standard is self-determined. Devotion to the common good is the dissolution of dominating self-absorption, yielding to the greater needs of the world at large.

This is complicated by such detail as cultural mindset and personal difference. People are of one blood but six billion brains, all dreaming of different worlds. How then, can one contribute to such a complex pool of needs? The common good becomes not one stony, moral pillar, but many tiny shrines to the multitude of personal ideals. The ultimate contribution to the common good, then, is the cooperation of people to abstain in judgment and to peacefully resolve difference, so that all individuals may decide their own tenets and be free in their pursuit.

In reflecting upon my understanding of the Common Good, I examined Bowdoin to determine its contributions relative to my beliefs. In addition to its service commitment to the community regionally and abroad, Bowdoin offers excellent diversity in coursework with classes ranging from Gay & Lesbian studies to the Classics. Surrounded by the educationally driven, community minded environment of Bowdoin, I would be given the tools necessary to broaden my mind and approach my goal - foreign service - with new fervor and refreshed ideology.
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