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Posts by shahjahan
Joined: Dec 27, 2010
Last Post: Dec 29, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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shahjahan   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cloud Atlas" - has become more thought provoking that any novel I have read previously. [4]

One thing I notice is that a lot of the essay is spent talking about the book and the author. (Take my advice with a grain of salt as I am not applying to UVA and I do not know the prompt) Try to generally describe the novel and then certain aspects of the book that personally connect with you. Then elaborate on those connections. I would think that adcoms want more of your opinion and thoughts pertaining to the book rather than than the thoughts of the author.
shahjahan   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "Friendly Envy" - Common Application [3]

This is my common application essay, please make as many suggestions as necessary, they are much needed!

I have been jealous for a majority of my life. I realized this as I recently reflected upon my childhood. My life was driven by the desire to have what I did not, but looking through a friend's perspective gave me an alternate view on life.

In my childhood, I was jealous of a friend of mine, Mark, who could very easily have been the dictionary example of privileged. Mark's father obliged his every request. This unfortunately made me jealous of all the things he had and dissatisfied with my life. As a result, I strived to attain everything he had. For holidays and birthdays, I asked for the newest, coolest toy or gadget on the market. Whenever a new gaming console came out, Mark received it from his father; I, however, did not. For example, we both bought the NintendoŽ DS within a week of its release. Mark, as expected, bought the SonyŽ PSP only a month later and, as a result, I was no longer satisfied with my DS. I felt unable to keep up with his father's tokens of affection and after a while my parents told me that it was not financially feasible to continue our excessive purchases on toys of ephemeral value. I felt dejected, poor, and worst of all, insignificant.

After a conversation with my parents subdued my temptations to compete with Mark, I decided to avoid interaction with my former adversary. Sometime during the 7th grade, I found myself sitting next to him at lunch. Both of us had changed quite a bit, but the thing that did not alter was that he still had everything. Mark played on the football team, still lived in a mansion, and most personally, he dated the girl I had a crush on for quite some time. I went to speak with him expecting a conversation with an arrogant and pretentious boy but was shocked when I left the conversation having spoken with a surprisingly humble and understanding person. Mark told me that after his father had given him everything he had ever wanted, he realized that he had nothing. He no longer appreciated trips to a tropical country or the newest Nintendo Ž console. Nothing impressed him anymore, and that took the joy out of his life. What changed him was his mother's death. He felt devastated that the person he loved the most was taken away from him. He despised his own arrogance and promised upon his mother's casket that he would become a new person. After his sobering confession, I professed my past envy for the life he lived and the things he had. We discussed our previous friendship, and we realized that life will never feel complete when we are given a new thing. By the end of our conversation, we agreed that happiness revolved around being content with what we had rather than what we did not. Mark has been my best friend ever since, and without him; I would likely be the jealous and confused brat I was in the past.

Mark's grief stemmed from the loss of his mother, a person not a thing. This grief allowed him to understand the true importance of the people who love him over the things he enjoyed to play with. My life no longer revolves around the attainment of a new game or gadget; it revolves around my experiences with my family and friends. In retrospect, I now realize what a colossal understanding Mark and I had when we were 12 and how applicable this thought process is to my life. If I had allowed my desires to consume my life, I would never have been able to attain more important things such as knowledge, love, and friendship.
shahjahan   
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "soccer and running" - Princeton Supplement Summer [4]

I like the essay!
I had similar troubles with running since I had asthma and it was difficult for me to run or play any sports.
Glad to say I had similar success!
Your ideas flow quite well and the full circle back to the 2-mile run is is a great closing to the essay: Overcoming an obstacle previously seeming daunting.

Good Luck!
shahjahan   
Dec 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "mathematics is an integral part of my studies" - Northwestern University [4]

Hey guys, this is my "Why Northwestern" Supplement Essay draft, I am applying to WCAS for economics.

Please take a look and make any suggestions!

My father once told me that despite whichever major I choose, ensure that mathematics is an integral part of my studies. To facilitate my business career and follow my father's wisdom, I hope to supplement my economics major with participation in the Mathematical Experience for Northwestern Undergraduates (MENU) program. A strong background in mathematics will be beneficial in my professional advancement since a thorough knowledge of the subject will allow me to grasp with ease complex mathematical concepts in the business world. In addition to the MENU program, the Kellogg Financial Economics certificate program will build upon my foundational comprehension of finance and economics.

By attending Northwestern I hope to attain an academic depth complimented with a breadth of knowledge. This depth can be attained by learning from the exceptional professors at the university, some of whom are Nobel laureates recognized for their great work. Learning from the qualified professors at Northwestern University will develop my understanding of their areas of study. I hope to attain a breadth of knowledge through the flexibility of the quarter system.

The quarter system is an appealing attraction for an undergraduate student like me since it allows me to take more classes than the standard two semester schools. I have always held the concern that I would be unable to take interesting but inapplicable to my major classes, such as art history, over classes that are necessary for graduation and/or would impress potential recruiters. At the undergraduate level, breadth might arguably be more important than depth since taking classes that are unrelated to my major selection may be beneficial in expanding my realm of knowledge in areas of study that I may have previously been unfamiliar with.

Throughout my high school years, research has always been a major facet of my activities. I spent my entire 10th and 11th grades, including the summers, performing research pertaining to the inhibition of algae adhesion to metal surfaces and comparing the performance of microponics to conventional agricultural techniques. I plan to continue to research at Northwestern exploring the opportunities in economic research. Fortunately, Northwestern is very supportive of the research interests of their students and I hope to take advantage of the undergraduate research grants available.

At the beginning of the 9th grade I attended a relatively large high school with a class of around 1000 students. I dislike the impersonal, every-man-for-himself nature of the school. So, after a semester, I transferred to a nearby school within the district that offered the international baccalaureate program. I told the IB counselor that the primary purpose of attending this program, in addition to the international perspective, was to have a community of students with a common goal. After a semester of adjustment I found that I thrived in this environment. My grades and confidence significantly improved and my maturation into a capable high school student began. Northwestern University offers the same, prospects as evidenced by the 7:1 student-faculty ratio and a freshman enrollment of around 2000 students.
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