Smity28
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "My most influential teacher" a Virginia tech application essay [5]
Thanks for the input. I also felt the ending needed something.
Thanks for the input. I also felt the ending needed something.
Smity28
Dec 28, 2010
Writing Feedback / Factory farming food. Your opinion about what it's better to eat. [5]
In the age, when wide variety of foods are available, many people prefer consuming food manufactured locally to mass produced, exported food. In this essay I will give my opinion towards this decision.
Never start off an essay this way. The reader already knows what your writing about if the prompt is provided. If it isn't, then your first sentence should be a thesis that takes a stand on the issue.
First of all, products, especially foods produced by a local farmer from a neighborhood are usually fresh, whereas exported goods are always experience a long-distance route, whichprobablytake a point of view and stick to it. be sure of yourself. worsens their quality. Quite often, people suffer from low qualitative y foods, and as a consequence they get ill. This will provokes awareness andin people and will make sure that they are eating safe and fresh food. Moreover, if to think more specifically, their decision to consume locally produced food can lead to the economic development of that area. Farmers and manufacturers will be encouraged to produce more goods and will have resources to improve the quality.
On the other hand,I think mass-produced products go through serious inspections,because many people will use these products, and foods are not an exception. Before exporting and receiving "factory farming" foods, they test them for safety and freshness. Another thing to mention is that food in enormous amounts is also usually cheaper than the locally grown varietygenerated ones . As to the long distance travel of factory foods, I could say that nowadays,that with the implementation of advanced technologies, transporting goods is very unlikelyrarely will result in the deteriorateion of their quality. For example, huge fridges are installed on the trucks and ships, which guarantee the initial appearance of food.
You really need to pick a side. Jumping back and forth doesn't flow well.
To summarize, I have an impression that buying and eating local foods is good when determining their quality, whereas people with strong consideration about the costs will most probably prefer factory made foods. Besides, products from factory are available all year round. 280 words ( 50minutes )
Hope this helped
Never start off an essay this way. The reader already knows what your writing about if the prompt is provided. If it isn't, then your first sentence should be a thesis that takes a stand on the issue.
First of all, products, especially foods produced by a local farmer from a neighborhood are usually fresh, whereas exported goods are always experience a long-distance route, which
On the other hand,
You really need to pick a side. Jumping back and forth doesn't flow well.
Hope this helped
Smity28
Dec 28, 2010
Undergraduate / "My most influential teacher" a Virginia tech application essay [5]
Diana Linkenauger has been, by far, my most influential teacher. Our initial meeting was in the first grade, where she served as my homeroom teacher. She fueled within me a desire to learn by teaching with enthusiasm and challenging me to go beyond my comfort zone. When I moved up into second grade, Ms. Linkenauger became the computer teacher - and while playing a lesser role in direct education, she still managed to find the time to assist me with any problems I had, be they scholarly or not. This educator continued in her role through my promotion to fourth grade, when she became the visions director, in charge of enlarging the viewpoints of the "gifted" students. In this capacity, she developed my skills in arithmetic, reading comprehension, and logic. Ms. Linkenauger prepared me for middle school, and later, for high school, setting me on the path to academic success, which I plan to continue in the coming years.
Diana Linkenauger has been, by far, my most influential teacher. Our initial meeting was in the first grade, where she served as my homeroom teacher. She fueled within me a desire to learn by teaching with enthusiasm and challenging me to go beyond my comfort zone. When I moved up into second grade, Ms. Linkenauger became the computer teacher - and while playing a lesser role in direct education, she still managed to find the time to assist me with any problems I had, be they scholarly or not. This educator continued in her role through my promotion to fourth grade, when she became the visions director, in charge of enlarging the viewpoints of the "gifted" students. In this capacity, she developed my skills in arithmetic, reading comprehension, and logic. Ms. Linkenauger prepared me for middle school, and later, for high school, setting me on the path to academic success, which I plan to continue in the coming years.