Posts by map18

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / What is this world and what it really taught me? - Chicago extended essay [3]

this sentence needs to be rephrased:
There are aspects in my life, which makes me think I am extra ordinary normal and some makes me think that I am nobody.
What is the difference between normal and extra ordinary?
There are times in peoples' lives when they are tired of discovering the enigmas of the world.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / How to write a good private school admission essay(s). To brag about myself? [3]

I would start by getting rid of most of the determined's. Show off some vocabulary or just go to thesaurus.
The 150 word limit is tough, but i would still try to give an example of a time when you were determined instead of saying what you would do "if" you were in those situations.

For the second question talk about what is special about your town. What would you like to share with someone. Maybe something that they wouldn't have in their country or something that is unique to your city.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / Engineering + My Dad + No work experience + Growing up in China - Syracuse [6]

When I first clicked into SU website, the Orange color really caught my eye.
For the third question you could talk about community service instead of work experience.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "Living the everyday" - Common app essay [12]

Very creative essay. I like your use a description, but I think you should elaborate a bit on the student government part. Why did many step down? I understand that you are trying to say that speaking is important, but unless someone is familar with the situation your trying to depict I'm not sure they will get your entire message.

The use of language throughout was very will done. It kind of reminded me of an epic poem.

If you could look at my essay that would be great. I'm having issues grasping what the prompt is asking for.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / Arts and Science (what to write about? - Supplement - Scholarship In Action) [4]

I'm having difficulties with this question too. It is phrased awkwardly.
I think you should elaborate on why you want to be apart of those two programs. Why are they important to you? Do you have any past experiences that make these programs special? Try to focus a little more on yourself.

If you could look at my answer to this question that would be great. I'm not sure I'm answering it right.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Undergraduate / "to find x as the lost function" Elusive - University of Chicago - Find x. [3]

Hey I wrote this essay too! I think you took a very creative approach to this prompt. Your last paragraph would be stronger if you got rid of a few of the questions. You need to tell the reader what's what. By adding so many questions your giving the reader a chance to disagree with you. You could modify a few of them by saying "The question we're left with is..." or something similar.

I like how it seems as if you are talking to the reader.
Overall it's a great essay.

If you could look at my syracuse essay that would be awesome. The prompt isn't as difficult as this one is, but it is awkwardly phrased.

map18

Dec 29, 2010

Scholarship / "I'm passionate about the public media" Syracuse Scholarship in Action question [3]

Hello! I was just wondering if anyone could tell me if I'm answering this question "right." It is phrased a weird. There are also a few grammatical errors that need to be worked out.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.

When the resonant tunes of 89.3 The Current first blasted out of my radio I knew I was hearing something special. My musical horizons expanded as new bands and songs reached my ears. They play new indie tunes alongside the great music of the sixties, seventies, and eighties. Local rap beats and nineties one-hit wonders burst out of speakers in the Twin Cities. The songs of Mumford & Sons, Tegan and Sara, and The Flaming Lips were presented to me like gifts. All of this is given to me and other avid audiophiles by the marvelous Minnesota Public Radio. I am a member of Minnesota Public Radio, and I am planning to remain a member throughout my college years and beyond. Public broadcasting is important because it brings programming that is more than just fodder for the masses. It has brought me more than my favorite music. Public broadcasting is not just entertainment, but both stimulates the mind and provides an unbiased news source.

Recently, the funding of public broadcasting has been brought into question by congress. If public broadcasting is cut from the federal budget, stations such as the Current will need listener support more than ever. I will be one of these supporters. It is my belief that public broadcasting is a vital source of thought-provoking programming. This support coincides with the idea of Scholarship in Action because it provides education for the world in the world. Public media is a topic that I am passionate about and it brings an education that cannot be attained in a classroom.