Mindy
Jan 1, 2011
Mindy
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "Visiting hours are now over" - college essay [2]
so this is my really rough draft for the college essay question, but i'd love for anybody to critique it! so pleaseee help!
I walked across the cracked pavement up to the tall white building holding only Jane Eyre in my hand. I entered and led myself directly to his room. He smiled as he saw me and we sat down and began to read. After months of contemplating the thousands of influential people and debatable concepts I could write about, it came to me. I grabbed a pen and a blank piece of paper and my hand began to flow. He smiled when I wrote about the independence I now had, and my new founds hopes.
It was a cold day in October, before the snow had fallen but after the bright leaves had all disappeared. I dragged my feet across the cracked pavement and opened the door to the tall white building with a sigh. "What can I do for you?" the(woooord) receptionist asked. I told her I was there to read to the elderly, "I believe my dad called the nursing home last week?", she nodded. I made my way to the visiting area where several patients were lined up in wheel chairs waiting. After I finished reading I began my way back down the gloomy hallway when I saw someone that caught my attention. I must have caught his too because he told me to come over. He asked me what I was doing in the nursing home, and when I told him I was a volunteer reader, he handed me Jane Eyre. We spent hours reading in that small hospital room until an announcement came on saying that visiting hours were now over. Before I left, he asked me if I wondered why he was in there, only being in his mid-30's, I was curious. Cerebral palsy, he explained, a physical impairment that effects the way his muscles perform. Weeks and weeks flew by like the pages of the book. I learned more about his physical impairment and the ways he has learned to live with it. The time I spent there made me feel that my teenage life, wasn't so stressful after all. We read, watched movies and even painted pictures together. I watched as he put aside his disability to continue with his life.
The blank white piece of paper was now filled with words explaining our time together. "Visiting hours are now over" we heard the announcement say. We both smiled as I put away the piece of paper and said our goodbyes. I opened the door to the tall white building and walked across the cracked with a new sense of accomplishment.
so this is my really rough draft for the college essay question, but i'd love for anybody to critique it! so pleaseee help!
I walked across the cracked pavement up to the tall white building holding only Jane Eyre in my hand. I entered and led myself directly to his room. He smiled as he saw me and we sat down and began to read. After months of contemplating the thousands of influential people and debatable concepts I could write about, it came to me. I grabbed a pen and a blank piece of paper and my hand began to flow. He smiled when I wrote about the independence I now had, and my new founds hopes.
It was a cold day in October, before the snow had fallen but after the bright leaves had all disappeared. I dragged my feet across the cracked pavement and opened the door to the tall white building with a sigh. "What can I do for you?" the(woooord) receptionist asked. I told her I was there to read to the elderly, "I believe my dad called the nursing home last week?", she nodded. I made my way to the visiting area where several patients were lined up in wheel chairs waiting. After I finished reading I began my way back down the gloomy hallway when I saw someone that caught my attention. I must have caught his too because he told me to come over. He asked me what I was doing in the nursing home, and when I told him I was a volunteer reader, he handed me Jane Eyre. We spent hours reading in that small hospital room until an announcement came on saying that visiting hours were now over. Before I left, he asked me if I wondered why he was in there, only being in his mid-30's, I was curious. Cerebral palsy, he explained, a physical impairment that effects the way his muscles perform. Weeks and weeks flew by like the pages of the book. I learned more about his physical impairment and the ways he has learned to live with it. The time I spent there made me feel that my teenage life, wasn't so stressful after all. We read, watched movies and even painted pictures together. I watched as he put aside his disability to continue with his life.
The blank white piece of paper was now filled with words explaining our time together. "Visiting hours are now over" we heard the announcement say. We both smiled as I put away the piece of paper and said our goodbyes. I opened the door to the tall white building and walked across the cracked with a new sense of accomplishment.
Mindy
Jan 1, 2011
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]
I think with your name you should be protected from people stealing your essays
I think with your name you should be protected from people stealing your essays
Mindy
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "the cross-country team" - extracurricular activities [2]
My freshman year I joined the cross-country team as a way to "stay in good shape". I originally thought it would come naturally to me because running, seemed like a simple thing to do. My wake up call came during my first practice, when my 60-something year old coach beat me in a race. I was stunned. Never having finished last at anything before, quitting seemed like the only thing to do. My father insisted that I stick with it to see if things would get better. My couch must have noticed my frustration because he told me that I would "get out of it as much as I put into it". After that I began running just a little bit harder during practices and a few more times each week. Since then I have greatly improved and have qualified to run in two state meets. This experience has taught me not only how important hard work and self discipline are, but also not to give up.
My freshman year I joined the cross-country team as a way to "stay in good shape". I originally thought it would come naturally to me because running, seemed like a simple thing to do. My wake up call came during my first practice, when my 60-something year old coach beat me in a race. I was stunned. Never having finished last at anything before, quitting seemed like the only thing to do. My father insisted that I stick with it to see if things would get better. My couch must have noticed my frustration because he told me that I would "get out of it as much as I put into it". After that I began running just a little bit harder during practices and a few more times each week. Since then I have greatly improved and have qualified to run in two state meets. This experience has taught me not only how important hard work and self discipline are, but also not to give up.