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Posts by InArts
Joined: Dec 31, 2010
Last Post: Dec 31, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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InArts   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "my first-degree black belt" - MIT -- Most significant challenge [4]

Edited the ending:

It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.

It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.

And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.

The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.

By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.

I won, 5-4.

At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. Confidence comes from doing, and yeah, it gets easier.
InArts   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "exposed to the effects of a lack of education" - UVA Suplement [5]

Needless to say, it wasn't the best place to live.

Then why say it? =)

From a very young age, I was exposed to the effects of a lack of education

This could be phrased better.

It was, as if,for the time thatwhile we spoke, I was no longer a young child

As I walked inthrough the gates of Miramonte Elementary School with my blue and white uniform, tattered shoes, Godzilla backpack, crucifix around my neck, and my head held high, the words that my parents spoke resonated so well in my head.

Why didn't they see it? I guess that's just the way it is.

Who are "they"?

With easy-money schemes readily available to those who choose them, education was not the path taken by many

At times, it did seem like the realistic approach to leaving South El Monte

What is "it"?

They were right. Así es, but not for me.

Good closing.

Hope that helps.

Note: I wrote this after reading the first version, site wouldn't let me post, so I'm posting this again, disregard anything you've already changed.
InArts   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "my first-degree black belt" - MIT -- Most significant challenge [4]

It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.

It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.

And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.

The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.

By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.

I won, 5-4.

At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. If I had skipped as usual, I never would have understood what I was capable of.

Just do it.

--------------------------------------

I have a feeling that the last line doesn't fit very well, any comments/critiques are welcome (especially critiques).
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