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Posts by pashnetala
Joined: Jan 15, 2011
Last Post: Jan 25, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  

From: Iran

Displayed posts: 7
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pashnetala   
Jan 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / Jobs that you enjoy or jobs that you can earn a lot of money [2]

Yang you wrote it very well.

but here are some points :

for answering the last writing question you should write at least 300 words.

we have one introduction, three body paragraphs and one conclusion.
provide 3 reasons (the 3 B.P.)

my suggestion :

do use adverbs and transitions as much as you can.

develop your B.P.s with examples, reasons ...

dont pay attention to the introduction, just clarify your answer then mention the 3 reasons starting with this sentence : I believe that the three most common reasons are...., ..., and .... .

for the body paragraphs start with the following phrases then do mention one of your reasons directly for each b.p. and develop it :

for the first b.p :
the first point I would like to make is that...
firstly,...
to start with...
-

for the second B.P. :
the second point I would like to make is that...
secondly, ...
--

for the last B.P. :
the last but not least, ...
Finally,...
---

for the conclusion start with:
In conclusion,
to make a long story short, ...

then provide and simplify your 3 reasons in other words (do not add any new thing) and for the end try to make an un answering question in related to your answer (I mean a question that everyone knows the answer like : who doesnt like great weather?! )

----
pashnetala   
Jan 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: TRANSPORTION (subway is the most efficient and environmently friendly?) [3]

Yang,

your draft about ambition is great the score of it can be about 24,25

actually Im not an expert and my english isnt very well

overall for the second question of toefl speaking which you should choose one topic then speak about it use these keywords then continue as I mentioned for answering the first question (develop your first sentence, make just 2 reasons and ...)

As far as I am an indoor/outdoor/introvert/extrovert type I prefer ...

In my opinion as far as I am personally concerned ...

I personally think at...

I favorite the idea of ...

I fully/firmly/strongly agree ...

I totally disagree ...

now, transportation

For another reason , it is goodgreat for the environment, in stead of polluted to it.??!!!

Sothese are the reasons why subway is goodthe best among other means of transportation for our life and our health.

instead of :

good : great, fantastic,...
very much: very often
happy: thrilling

To correct mistakes use I MEAN like:

she have... I mean she has...

use adj. and adv. as much as you can to support your view points.
use transitions as much as you can : besides,moreover,however,although,on top of that,...
nether... nor..., both... and...

for the end use:

thats all I can say about it.
for that matter...
these are the reasons why...
in that case...

use YOU KNOW as much as you can to make your speaking coherent.

and please dont answer your topics in my topic (MSc in natural gas).

here is my email if you need help for other types of toefl questions:

hosein.arya@gmail.com

sry my english is weak.
pashnetala   
Jan 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL -AMBITION (to teach Chinese as a froeign language) [2]

your answer is good but not great use adverbs as much as you can and use besides, furthermore, however,... and your answer is little bit too much to finish in 45 seconds. (considering the stops,making and developing reasons and speaking (you know what I mean) )

you know its much more like writing not speaking (if you wanna write it here ok do it as you speak)

first of all do develop your first sentence like:

My ambition is to be a teacher you know I love to be a teacher its my dream you know I do like teach chinese you know I think I will be a good one in it you know for one thing because its a challenge for me and I can improve... for another because I love to be a teacher you know I feel it deeply inside you know when I was young...

Yang dont say because of the following reasons, its very formal.

and please do answer and develop the free choices questions with just 2 reasons or causes.

45 seconds its not enough for answering and developing more than 2 reasons.

Yang, you dont need to be honest at TOEFL, (speaking, writing) you can use any reasons, causes ... to answer and develop your answers

like:

I love going to concerts you know Im kind of addict to it I actually go to concerts every day... (Yang I hate concerts)

you know my dad plays flute (but Yang my dad never plays flute) my mom plays piano and I do like playing guitar I think we can make a good band ...

;)
pashnetala   
Jan 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL SPEAKING-The most embarrassing moment for me [5]

First sorry if my english is weak

overall in my opinion it's better to answer the 2 free choices questions with two causes and develop them.

I mean use these key words:

The most embarrassing moment that ever happened to me is ... (then develop it like you know its terrible... you know i got... you know ...) For one thing because... you know ... For another because...

at last say: these are the reasons why .... is ... . or "thats it" .

and do record your voice at least 3 or 4 times in 45 seconds for each Q.

do not stop saying your words by sounds like eeeeeee... hmmmmm...

in that case stop making sounds,think, then continue speaking

say several times "you know" to get time for thinking and continue speaking

again sorry if my english is weak.
I just prepared for toefl in 2weeks and got 90 (toefl ibt) speaking25
pashnetala   
Jan 15, 2011
Graduate / Energy related course - Sop for MSc in Natural GAS Technology [8]

Here is my sop for a master degree in GAS engineering at NTNU

I would appreciate your comments.

Actually I was wondering how to sort the sentences and paragraphs in the best order I mean which one should go first and so forth.

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am greatly interested in pursuing master degree in energy related course (shouldnt I mention the main major natural gas technology?!) at your esteemed university, and it is my absolute pleasure to write this statement of purpose to explain about my interests, and to share my inspirations, career goals and professional qualifications. First of all, a few words about my personality and character.

Being an ardent adventurous, I dare to claim that throughout my life curiosity has been the main feature of my personal character. I always sought new challenges, new questions and new answers and I do believe that it has been this lust for novelty, which has led me toward educational success. Out of my multiple fields of interest, I had been extremely fascinated with the novelty and complexity of the "Physics" science since I was a teenager.

Having planned to follow my studies in this area of interest, I choose the "Mathematics & Physics discipline" field at my high school.

After graduating from this school, I participated in the National Entrance Examination to be admitted to the university. This is a very competitive exam and only a small portion of the participants passes this exam. Fortunately, I registered in Islamic Azad University. I selected "Mechanical Engineering" as my field of study, and after a thorough and careful review of my goals and interests and also consulting with my advisor, I perceived that it is "Mechanical engineering-Thermo Fluids" which is the right field that suits my education and research fields the best.

During my degree course in mechanical engineering, I became more interested in topics / subjects, which had a greater orientation towards the application: usage of energy. My inspiration for the filed of energy specially in GAS technology initiated when I was studying "Thermodynamics I&II, Heat and mass transfer I&II, Fluid Mechanics, Thermal Transformers Design, Power Plant and so forth. Putting a lot of effort in these courses, I managed to gain very good achieved scores in the class.

Recently, there has been major focus on the world energy conservation and adverse effects of environmental pollution causes by oil and gas exploration. These trends intrigued me and I started paying more attention to the energy needs of our planet and realized the increasing reliance of humanity on oil, gas and its products. I think that the demand for safe, affordable, clean energy is increasing constantly. All these reasons solidify my desire to become a successful GAS engineer to make a difference in the world. The whole world has aimed its research in to the field of alternative energy, but we are yet far from reaching an immediate substitute to fossil energy.

This makes it a very challenging field of study and I love challenges. I have every reason to believe that I would become a very successful gas engineer. The most particular part of my interest in to this field would be the implementation of my qualification / knowledge in to an immediate use. In fact I live in a part of the world where most of world's oil and gas reserve exist.

During my academic education, I also managed to attend some engineering short courses
in related to energy fields such as PFD-P&ID, piping, hydraulic, welding inspection,..., and obtained the relevant qualifications accordingly. Also I have been honored to be member of some nationals and internationals organizations/societies. At the same time, and out of my great interests in energy industrial, I attended the international oil and gas pipeline conference in New Delhi, India, organized by ASME.

As a graduate of Mechanical Engineering-Thermo Fluids, I have acquired a science- engineering program emphasizing math, chemistry, and physics, which provide the necessary background for energy engineering.

I was employed by one of the biggest companies in the Asia (July 2007-Oct 2010) in related to DAM and Hydroelectric Power Plant affairs and had held various Engineering (Mechanical) positions. It was well over two years that I had been working there (Mahab Ghodss International Consulting Engineers Company) and supervise the Hydro mechanical Equipments and hydroelectric power plant at Shahryar Dam (one of the biggest in Iran).

All through my educational and professional life, I have always aimed for the highest and worked hard to achieve the best.

All in all, I would like to add that I feel graduate studies in your program, will be the most logical extension of my academic pursuits and a major step towards achieving my objectives. I consider myself most suitable for the proposed degree both academically and professionally.

For my final words, I would like to emphasis that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a high level of intelligence, unwavering dedication and a lot of devotion and I am confident that I would meet all the above challenges, and hence I appeal to the Graduate Admissions Committee to consider me for admission

Trust, you are kind enough to consider my suitable for the course.

Yours Faithfully,
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