Graduate / "To positively affect the lives" - Speech Language Pathology personal [3]

The essay that I need to submit must have the maximum of 300 words. My previous personal essay was about 600 words and I was able to knock it down to 395. I need help in figuring out if I should remove something in my essay because if may be repetitive, or perhaps suggestions on how to make the sentences shorter. I'd appreciate any help I can receive.

This is the following requirement:

- Submit a 300-word written statement of career goals
Statement of Professional Goals
The Statement of Professional Goals offers you an opportunity to discuss the talents, experiences and goals that qualify you for acceptance to the graduate program at St. John's University. In preparing your statement, please realize that the Graduate Admission Committee is seeking evidence of your qualifications and aptitude, as well as your ability to communicate clearly and professionally. You should incorporate the following in your statement:

- Your reason for pursuing graduate study at St. John's University
- Your personal background
- Your academic background
- Your work experience
- Your future plans
- Other information that may be of special interest and importance to the Graduate Admissions Committee

This is my essay:

Pursuing my Bachelor's in Queens College, I understood the importance of further education; which inspired me to apply to the Communication Sciences and Disorders graduate program at Saint John's. The program's unique educational focus on communication and swallowing disorders and clinical opportunities will help me accomplish my goal of working with children in clinical settings. My education, life experiences and volunteer work illustrate my hard work, motivation, and leadership skills, which guarantee my success in your program.

My desire to pursue speech language pathology as my career developed during my studies in Psychology. While attending a Childhood Psychology course, a discussion about the psychological effects on children developed by untreated speech and language disorders intrigued me. This guided my concentration in the Communication and Science disorders major. My decision only reinforced my thirst for knowledge of speech and language disorders and, most importantly, their treatment. Through my double majors, I cultivated empathy for people with these disorders. While observing therapy sessions of a child diagnosed with Autism, I felt compassion for his struggle in peer and family interaction. Even after the observation hours ended, I continued to follow up with the clinician on the progress of the client.

As Community Service Coordinator of the Delta Phi Epsilon International Sorority, I organized events with KEEN (Kids Enjoy Exercise Now), an organization which provides one-to-one recreational opportunities for children with mental and physical disabilities from various cultural and demographic backgrounds. My volunteer role involved creatively teaching children how to play sports and engage in arts and crafts projects. My biggest challenge included teaching the rules of basketball to a boy diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. This challenge provided me unique opportunities to learn how to provide a positive, active, and educational atmosphere. Witnessing the boys' achievements, through time and patience, I received an inspirational reward which reinforced

The theoretical and practical education I received in Queens College, laid a genuine foundation, which has prepared me to excel in Saint John's Communication and Sciences Disorders graduate program. I am certain of my commitment to your program because it brings me great intrinsic rewards in guiding people achieve their potential language abilities. With the acceptance of this graduate program, I will enhance the knowledge, skills and experiences needed to accomplish my personal and professional mission: positively affect the lives of those suffering from speech and language impediments