Writing Feedback /
Essay on out-of-town shopping centres [3]
My opinion probably shouldn't mean that much, obviously, I'm no expert. I don't even know if bluewater is a specific shopping center! But here it goes, anyway:
"This started first in 1980 when they came up with that idea, to create a massive center, that is reachable for people most" could maybe be replaced with something like "The idea of a massive center that's within reach for most people(,) was created in 1980."
"For people who have jobs and a tight schedule, has good benefit of out-of-town shopping centres..." could be altered to "People with a tight schedule will find many benefits in the proximity to everything needed."
It's
a lot, not
allot.
"Big centers means big noise, and we all now that old people don't like high noises" would maybe be better as "As we all know, large malls come with a lot of noise. They may therefore not be ideal for the elders."
When did malls start offering kids help with their homework? I've never heard of it. Oh, the "the kids might ditch classes because of the mall"-thing is a bit out of line. If a kid wants to ditch class, he or she will do that regardless of nearby malls...
Nature doesn't have "a good and happy life", because technically, nature isn't alive. You could probably say something like "The pollution from the cars and buses is destroying the wildlife (well, it depends on where bluewater is, but if the landscape around it is urban, this sentence should be ditched)"
This is all I had time to give feedback on. I din't start at the top and go down or anything, just picked a couple of sentences here and there. Sarah will probably have time to fix the rest soon (and correct any mistakes I might have made while correcting).
Nice work=)