trine_321
Jan 29, 2007
Book Reports / Themes in Macbeth: Consequences of Corruption [11]
You don't claim to have all the answers, Sarah, but it seems that way to me =)
You don't claim to have all the answers, Sarah, but it seems that way to me =)
trine_321
Jan 28, 2007
Writing Feedback / Essay on out-of-town shopping centres [3]
My opinion probably shouldn't mean that much, obviously, I'm no expert. I don't even know if bluewater is a specific shopping center! But here it goes, anyway:
"This started first in 1980 when they came up with that idea, to create a massive center, that is reachable for people most" could maybe be replaced with something like "The idea of a massive center that's within reach for most people(,) was created in 1980."
"For people who have jobs and a tight schedule, has good benefit of out-of-town shopping centres..." could be altered to "People with a tight schedule will find many benefits in the proximity to everything needed."
It's a lot, not allot.
"Big centers means big noise, and we all now that old people don't like high noises" would maybe be better as "As we all know, large malls come with a lot of noise. They may therefore not be ideal for the elders."
When did malls start offering kids help with their homework? I've never heard of it. Oh, the "the kids might ditch classes because of the mall"-thing is a bit out of line. If a kid wants to ditch class, he or she will do that regardless of nearby malls...
Nature doesn't have "a good and happy life", because technically, nature isn't alive. You could probably say something like "The pollution from the cars and buses is destroying the wildlife (well, it depends on where bluewater is, but if the landscape around it is urban, this sentence should be ditched)"
This is all I had time to give feedback on. I din't start at the top and go down or anything, just picked a couple of sentences here and there. Sarah will probably have time to fix the rest soon (and correct any mistakes I might have made while correcting).
Nice work=)
My opinion probably shouldn't mean that much, obviously, I'm no expert. I don't even know if bluewater is a specific shopping center! But here it goes, anyway:
"This started first in 1980 when they came up with that idea, to create a massive center, that is reachable for people most" could maybe be replaced with something like "The idea of a massive center that's within reach for most people(,) was created in 1980."
"For people who have jobs and a tight schedule, has good benefit of out-of-town shopping centres..." could be altered to "People with a tight schedule will find many benefits in the proximity to everything needed."
It's a lot, not allot.
"Big centers means big noise, and we all now that old people don't like high noises" would maybe be better as "As we all know, large malls come with a lot of noise. They may therefore not be ideal for the elders."
When did malls start offering kids help with their homework? I've never heard of it. Oh, the "the kids might ditch classes because of the mall"-thing is a bit out of line. If a kid wants to ditch class, he or she will do that regardless of nearby malls...
Nature doesn't have "a good and happy life", because technically, nature isn't alive. You could probably say something like "The pollution from the cars and buses is destroying the wildlife (well, it depends on where bluewater is, but if the landscape around it is urban, this sentence should be ditched)"
This is all I had time to give feedback on. I din't start at the top and go down or anything, just picked a couple of sentences here and there. Sarah will probably have time to fix the rest soon (and correct any mistakes I might have made while correcting).
Nice work=)
trine_321
Jan 28, 2007
Book Reports / Themes in Macbeth: Consequences of Corruption [11]
Practically everyone does that at my school too, that's why daria.no (site where people posts their essays so that other people can turn them in as their own work) is so popular, lol...
As to the reading over writing-thing, I have a theory: The moderators are so good at what they do, that people feel discouraged to post their opinion. Why settle for the crappy input I can give you when the moderators can give you much better feedback? When I joined the forum (not too long ago), nobody posted replies except from the EF_Team-people, so I didn't either. I think if one or two people would start interacting more, the others would follow.
Practically everyone does that at my school too, that's why daria.no (site where people posts their essays so that other people can turn them in as their own work) is so popular, lol...
As to the reading over writing-thing, I have a theory: The moderators are so good at what they do, that people feel discouraged to post their opinion. Why settle for the crappy input I can give you when the moderators can give you much better feedback? When I joined the forum (not too long ago), nobody posted replies except from the EF_Team-people, so I didn't either. I think if one or two people would start interacting more, the others would follow.
trine_321
Jan 28, 2007
Essays / [about American people] - stuck with a sentence [3]
I guess an ice storm is a valid excuse, ha ha. Not the most pleasant thing to be stuck in, is it? I thought the weather in Norway was bad (and cold, very, very cold), but it fades next to your ice storm...
I can't use the 'uncle Sam's offspring', though, because I dont know who uncle Sam is/was. Well, it doesn't matter anyway, I'll just go with 'the people across the Atlantic'. It's not that bad of a sentence, really, I just needed some time to adjust to it.
But thanks anyway, Sarah. I appreciate the effort=)
I guess an ice storm is a valid excuse, ha ha. Not the most pleasant thing to be stuck in, is it? I thought the weather in Norway was bad (and cold, very, very cold), but it fades next to your ice storm...
I can't use the 'uncle Sam's offspring', though, because I dont know who uncle Sam is/was. Well, it doesn't matter anyway, I'll just go with 'the people across the Atlantic'. It's not that bad of a sentence, really, I just needed some time to adjust to it.
But thanks anyway, Sarah. I appreciate the effort=)
trine_321
Jan 14, 2007
Essays / [about American people] - stuck with a sentence [3]
I'm stuck with this sentence in my essay:
[about the American people] Their troubled past has made it difficult to successfully integrate ...
I need something catchy, or semi-catchy as an end to the paragraph, but so far, my best is: the people across the Atlantic. Does USA have any nicknames that I'm unaware of?
I'm stuck with this sentence in my essay:
[about the American people] Their troubled past has made it difficult to successfully integrate ...
I need something catchy, or semi-catchy as an end to the paragraph, but so far, my best is: the people across the Atlantic. Does USA have any nicknames that I'm unaware of?
trine_321
Jan 14, 2007
Grammar, Usage / [about society] - Is this paragraph understandable? [3]
Okey, thanks so much for the feedback
Okey, thanks so much for the feedback
trine_321
Jan 13, 2007
Writing Feedback / THE 12th CENTURY RENAISSANCE; history class essay [5]
Hi, realize that it's probably a bit too late, but renaissance means "rebirth", not "new interest...". It basically means the same thing, just thought you might want to know the more accurate version.
Hi, realize that it's probably a bit too late, but renaissance means "rebirth", not "new interest...". It basically means the same thing, just thought you might want to know the more accurate version.
trine_321
Jan 13, 2007
Grammar, Usage / [about society] - Is this paragraph understandable? [3]
I need a bit of feedback on a paragraph in my 5-10 pages long civil rights project...
Is understandable even a word? Apparently, I'm good at making adjectives from verbs...
"To understand what a society is and what it may be like in the future, one must look into the chosen society's past. This is because every action has underlying motives and consequences. The motives are consequences of earlier events, and the consequences of the action triggers later events. One can't predict the future unless one knows the past."
Is this a bit dodgy to understand or is it fine? The paragraph is supposed to be my introduction to an analyzis of the American society. It's kind of hard to analyze the society when I've never been there... ps: notice my attempt at parallellism(the 1. and last sentence)
I need a bit of feedback on a paragraph in my 5-10 pages long civil rights project...
Is understandable even a word? Apparently, I'm good at making adjectives from verbs...
"To understand what a society is and what it may be like in the future, one must look into the chosen society's past. This is because every action has underlying motives and consequences. The motives are consequences of earlier events, and the consequences of the action triggers later events. One can't predict the future unless one knows the past."
Is this a bit dodgy to understand or is it fine? The paragraph is supposed to be my introduction to an analyzis of the American society. It's kind of hard to analyze the society when I've never been there... ps: notice my attempt at parallellism(the 1. and last sentence)
