Undergraduate / "when I joined a Youth Leadership Camp" - NUS admission essay [2]

QUESTION: This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is relevant to the course(s) that you are applying for admission.

As there is a space limit of 2,000 characters for your input in this section, you are encouraged to present your thoughts clearly.

It all began when I joined a Youth Leadership Camp organised by Swan City Toastmasters Club in year 2005. As an introvert, I was not much of a talker, let alone a leader! Being one of the youngest participants there, I find it hard to socialise with others. I would rather isolate myself than to give out opinions. I shuddered at the thought of speaking out loud. But after all the motivational talks and team-building activities, I was able to live outside the shell. I mingled and got along just as well as the others. I gained self-confidence. I fell in love with the camp and thus, returning a year after a year.

After joining the camp for 3 consecutive years, I was elected as the president of Pioneer council of 1st Sibu Girls' Brigade and the Chief Editor of school's Magazine club.

Being in the Girls' Brigade (GB) for 9 years, it became my family. Never would I have thought that I would be the one leading around 100 girls aged 13 to 18. I was told by the past president that there were a group of girls who are rebellious and I have to be stricter to them. My seniors doubted my ability to lead, but my Captain believed in me. I regained confidence and thought about the matter. Finally, I have decided to make it a win-win situation. I did not think that shouting like a Spartan would solve the problem because that would just make them rebel more. Instead I made friends with them as they too, will become leaders some day. I wanted to make them feel like how I felt for GB - like a family.

As the Chief Editor of the magazine club, I had big responsibilities. My first task was to run around town to get sponsors for the magazine. It was tough for me since I had to put down my ego and ask humbly for sponsorship. Of course, there were some obstacles during the task, some just ignored me seeing that I was just a student but fortunately most of them were polite. At the same time, some problems surfaced among the committee. Some of them were complaining about who was not doing enough. I had to remain calm and cool-headed to advise them on the matter. I emphasized on working together as a team and being a good role-player. For me, a leader is nothing if there are no good role-players. No job will be done.

All of these and I still have to juggle between my studies and co curricular activities. I have learnt to overcome obstacles and be strong and also that nothing is impossible if I have confidence in myself. I keep on reminding myself to never let words bring me down. If you lose to yourself, you have already lost the battle.

Help needed here. Need some advices on content, grammar and etc.

Thanks. =)