Writing Feedback / IELTS: How to measure one's experiences and knowledge? [5]

I've striked out errors to be removed and bolded corrections in red.

It is widely believed that the only way to measure one's experiences and knowledge is through verbal and practical testimonials, whereas unending standard projects are considered to be an ineffective tool for estimating students' ability at University level. The main aim of this essay is to show my opinion concerning both claims.(avoid mentioning "this essay" or "my opinion" in your thesis statement!)

With having several millions students being taught in various parts of the globe, it is becoming an urgent issue to find a beneficial ("efficient" or "better" might be a better word to use here) method of assessing students' performance in terms of academic studies. Therefore, the majority of university authorities rely on the practical and written types of examining the candidates knowledge for a number of reasons.

First, without being interrupted by outer factors such as variation of answers, like in tests, or the limitation of time in a computer assistant examination, a written form of answering the questions is a pure way of conveying knowledge while being examined.

Second, I have an impression that the practical explanation of ideas is the best way of showing something to others that one knows, because she/he can avoid different misunderstandings between the student and the examiner, which usually occurs in a written type of assessment. In other words, accompanying visual materials with verbal speech is supposed to be a qualitative approach for this problem.

As for course work and projects, however, it can be noticed that the time and availability of sources draw a line concluding that these types of works are more likely to be a useful way of learning something, not the tool for evaluating ones knowledge.

To summarize, I tend to feel that the type of examination is important, because it is the thingfactor that determines the condition in which a person will be examined in. Therefore, taking all the advantages of written and practical approaches of measuring ones ability, it can be concluded that these kinds are more accurate than the other ones.

Overall it's pretty good essay, but you might want to reword some sentences to make it flow better. Also, don't forget articles ("a" / "an") when nececessary. Other than that, I can't find many errors. Hopefully this helps. Good luck.

Essays / How to put together a good essay about "Bottoming Out" in King Lear? [4]

Thanks for the advice Kevin, I appreciate it. I've completed my essay and here is my opening paragraph and concluding paragraphs. If anyone has the chance to review them and tell me if there's any areas for me to work on, that would be really helpful!

Opening
When one "bottoms out," they are at the lowest point in their life, both physically and mentally. It is a point in one's life when life has become unbearable, insalubrious, and even violent. A common saying is "What goes up must come down" - for those who have "bottomed out," they have already come down. There is, however, a distinct benefit of this downfall, and this is clearly interpreted in the tragic events of Shakespeare's King Lear. For Lear, his "bottoming out" represents a turning point; he has reached a point in his treacherous journey in which the possibility of hope becomes evident; in which there is nowhere to go but up.

Conclusion
For anyone, hitting rock bottom is a complex and tumultuous event. This is no better exemplified than in the "bottoming out" of King Lear. A once noble and powerful king, Lear descended into madness, madness so strong that it evoked concern in his most ardent of supporters. Though as terrible as it may be, there is no doubt that Lear benefited from his downfall. He achieved self-awareness and a sense of piety. For Lear, his "bottoming out" represents a point in which there is nowhere to go but up. Perhaps a downfall, even for a king, is not so bad after all, for it invariably evokes change for the better.

Writing Feedback / Tourism: Type of company would you most like to see built in your hometown or city [4]

I have striked out errors to be removed and bolded corrections in red.

My hometown is a small village in the Belitung island. This village is far from everywhere("everywhere" is one word) and there is a lack of entertainment. Even though my placevillage is small, this place is a very beautiful place to visit. We can findhave a long crystal water beach, the beautiful scenery, interesting cuisines and good people. And I would like to see a tourism company that would builtbuild good hotels in front of the beach.

Tourism is needed in my island. Because, fishing is the man-main job in here and selling the staple food such as rice, vegetables, sugar, oil and so on is for women (this sentence is confusing, try to reword it ... "the main jobs for males are ..." / "the main jobs for females are ..." and then explain why that is relevant). My people need to change, and I think tourism would be the best choiceway to built (I think you might mean "build" or "rebuild") this place. There are so many natural sourceresources available in here. We have at least we have 20 kilometers along for white sand beach, great waves for surfing, fishing and diving spots, various traditional sea food, and many other un-exploreunexplored tourism objects . So, investors can start the tourism sector from here. And I think it would be relevant. (my own suggestion to replace the last sentence of this paragraph: "Therefore, I believe that investors can start a thriving and successful tourist sector here.")

Then, they may builtbuild their best hotels along the beach. Cause otherExisting infrastructures such as an airport("airport" is one word) and roads are available and quite good. ThatThe hotels will attract people to come and give multiplier (?) effect to the community. The people will get a job, the economy structure will change. And my hometown would be better than before. (my own suggestion to replace the last sentence of this paragraph: "People will have access to more jobs, the economy will improve, and my hometown will be better than it was before.")

To see a beautiful island with a better tourism facilitytourist sector and such a nice hotel would make me proud. People would be happy, they can taste the atmosphere and receive the technology which the sector brings to them. My small island will be a "huge nice place to see and to visit" because of theits beauty and the hotels.

Try to work on your English grammar to make your sentences flow better. It is a good start though, but definitely do some revising to make sure you are using the right words.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

Student Talk / How to speak English fluently and correctly? [62]

The best way is to talk to people who are native English speakers. They will help correct you when you make an error, and the more you practice at it, the better you'll get. The suggestion by others to watch English movies with English subtitles while reading it out loud is also an excellent suggestion. Practice makes perfect, so keep working on it and you'll gradually improve over time. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] cellphone and Internet are harmful to people health, why we use? how to do? [5]

I have striked out errors to be removed and bolded corrections in red.

It is obvious that excessive use of modern technology products, such as mobile phones and the Information highway (if you mean the internet you might want to specifically state that) is detrimental to the people both physically and psychologically. ButHowever, there are still a multitude of users of these equipments (this sentence is confusing, try to clarify better). In this essay, I will analyze the reasons, and give my suggestions as well. (avoid mentioning "in this essay," and instead try to develop a stronger thesis statement that summarizes what your essay is about)

Apparently , M odern technology in this day and age enables us to lead a more comfortable and more efficient life. With the widespread use of mobile phones, for instance, people can communicate with each other at lower expense in terms of time and money, both for business demands and for recreational pursuits. It also economizes us a lot when we speak to friends or family members who are living far from us.

In addition to convenience, we also benefit a lot from the appearance of the Internet in terms of acquiring knowledge and information. From the aspect of educators, Internet affords children with an infinite amount of knowledge to learn, which certainly coversall existentmany subjects and disciplines. It is not uncommon to see that youngsters have already adapted to search for materials through search engines such as Google and Yahoo online . Furthermore, the videos and lectures, such as the open course of MIT, can be accessed via Internet connection for free. Only with these high-tech advances could the students all over the world share the precious educational resources. Based on these merits, it is really unreasonable for people to give up the Internet as we cannot find thea replacement.

In spite of so many advantages, I admit the harmfulness to human health (elaborate here, specifically stating what is harming human health). Therefore, we have a lot of to do to alleviate the negative effect. First, people should avoid using cell phones abusively. Second, spending some time on outdoor activities with friends is a good option to keep fit. Last, it is the parents' obligation to monitor and regulate their children's behavior, protecting them from being addicted to computer games or pornographic contents from the internet. [317]

Overall I think it's good, but try to develop a stronger thesis statement and clarify some sentences.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "drug called Adderall" - An ethical dilemma you faced, how did you handle it [3]

I have striked out errors and redundant sentences/words and bolded corrections in red.

I was approached by a close friend last year with a supposed method which made you focus extremely well and use your time efficiently.method that supposedly helps one focus well and use time efficiently. He explained and saidthat it required no cheating, which had me uncommonly intrigued. Itwas a very stressfulhad been a stressful week for me because my uncle had just passed away in Karachi, Pakistan. This had all started on Monday when my family received the news from Karachi andO n top of my own sorrow, I had to help my mother through the rough time she was going through. The method which he stumbled across was a drug called Adderall, a type of amphetamine, which came in a capsule or tablet form. He told me about the effects of this drug, how it increased your concentration, cognitive performance, mood, and also decreased fatigue. I had an assortment of thoughts in my mind at that moment thinking that this was illegal, had intense side effects, addiction. At the same time I was also thinking about the positive side which would be receiving an A on my physics final exam. This decision had me struggling for days and it was the most frustrating decision I had ever dealt with. In the end I refused his offer and crammed for my test. I had just overcome peer pressure of the highest extent and said to myself that I wouldn't ever let the pressure affect me again.

Overall I think this is a strong paragraph, good summary. I eliminated some sentences to get it within range of 200 words. I copy and pasted the revised version into word and it came to 209 words. To get it to 200 exactly, you could reword "I had an assortment of thoughts in my mind at that moment" to something shorter and more precise. The part about your uncle could be revised to one sentence, mentioning that he passed away and that it was a tough time for you and your mother. I can't find anything else to shorten because most of it is pretty important for such a brief summary.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / It is not only the teacher who teach the student and student's ability is more important to study. [5]

I have striked out errors to be removed and bolded corrections.

Some people think that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. However, I disagree with this opinion. Because, it is not only the teacher to teach the student and student's ability is more important to study.(revise this sentence to make it flow better, it's very confusing as it is now!)

First of all, there are some people to teach students besides the teacher. After school, parents usually teach and take care of their children. And in Korea, manya lot of students have many teachers such as school teachers, institution teachers and private teachers. And many times, students learn many things from books or the internet without any teacher. When we consider these things, it is unfair to put the responsibility on the teacher.

Second, there is much difference in learning ability and interest among students. Some students are very smart and can learn faster than others. On the contrary, other students are not very smart. They need more time than other students. And also each student like different subject each other. (this sentence needs to be revised as well)

So, even though some students have good grades on some subjects, they could have bad grades on other subjects. SoTherefore, it is hard to check how much of an impact the teacher hasimpact on the student's studying.

To sum it up, I disagree that teachers areshould be payed as much as theretheir(should be possessive) student's learn. Because besides the teacher, there are many other aspects to influence on studying.

Overall I think this is a very good essay. Reword some sentences and make a few corrections and it will be even better.

Hopefully this helps! Good luck. :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: About job assignment between men and women [5]

I've striked out the errors to be removed and bolded corrections.

Overall, I disagree with the opinion expressed. Males and females do have many different characteristics in various aspects and behave differently in daily lives, but it doesn't mean that they have nothing in common in the working environment.

Normally, both men and women can acquire the same abilities required in any jobs if they are trained in the appropriate ways . That's why most of the people usually have one or more colleagues of the opposite sex. Certainly, I won't deny that some jobs are likely more suitable for females such as a nurse or kindergarten teacher, due toas women are often more patient and careful than men. But we have to admit that many men are working asthe same as women in these areas since they may have the same ability or contribute in other aspects, likesuch asto carrying patients on the back in emergency (I'm not sure if you mean to say in an emergency, or in the emergency room, so you might want to clarify to make it clearer), or bringinga more active atmosphere to children.

Furthermore, with the rapid development of science and technology, the heavy physical jobs can be increasingly operated directly by modern machine, alsoand the majority of complicated logical calculation works can be handled by smart computing systems. While humans are likely to pay more attention on monitoring and management in working environment in the future. So the physical and mental difference between males and females will affect much less on the assignment of jobs. (you might want to reword this last sentence to make it flow better.)

In conclusion, many jobs can be done by both men and women. Although some jobs are covered mostly by women, but doesn'tit does not mean men cannot be involved, and vice versa.

Overall I think it is good, but I suggest working on your concluding sentences to make your point strong and clear to the reader. Try to avoid contractions as well. But overall it is good.

Hopefully this helps! Good luck. :)

Poetry / "I was born in Korea and might die in Norway." [4]

I've striked out the errors to be removed and bolded corrections.

I was born in Korea and I might die in Norway.
I also mightmight also die in Saudi Arabia, USA andor Japan.
It doesn't matter where we live.
Even though we are living in different countries, being different ages, having different apperenceappearance, different favorite singer as well. (This sentence sounds unfinished. I suggest adding another sentence to emphasize the main point you are trying to make here).

But If we are friends, and getting close, we might be find common somethingsomething in common.
I want to be your friend.
Although we're far apart, but also this site ishas connected with us.
I want to hear what you said. I want to talk about memyself.
You never know, we might see each other.
You know What? It's a small world.
PlesePlease Don't say four-letter words. People allare weak.

Hopefully this helps. Good luck! :)