Writing Feedback / Why do you think cross cultural romantic relationship face difficulties? [3]

much better!
acutally, i can tell u r adept at varying sentence lengths and patterns.
my another sugesstion is if u can refine ur first sentence of each paragraph to make it simpler and stonger,ur this writing will be great.

pls pay attention to argument which should be closely realated to the main point" cross cultural relationship"
check ur first sentence of paragraph 2 ,4, 5 and U will see finance, communication and the incompatibility barely happens everywhere , not just confining to cross crutural relationship.

Although ur next explainations does illustrate the reasons from corss culture, it is dangerous if readers or professor like to judge writing by mere grasping first sentence.

Make ur "cross crutural" points stand out at the begining!

Writing Feedback / Why do you think cross cultural romantic relationship face difficulties? [3]

so this make them incompatible in their social live because some people come from a family that goes only to their synagogue on weekend basis while some come from a family that love to travel and see many things, an adventurous family, still, when these people meet in a relationship they will be incompatible because of their up brings .

1.makes
2.upbringing?
for the sake of reader friendness, strongly suggest wirter separates ur seond paragraph into several tiny parts according to ur reasons.

Difficulties in a romantic relationship are increasing everyday and it would not stop until the world end because of so many complications mentions above; thus, the world would not function without a relationship. Relationship they said makes the world go round.

ur argument rests on the difficulties of cross cultural relationship....however , ur last sentence indicates the necessity of the relationship , of course, which include the cross-nation ones.

so if u fail to show some proposals to improve the situation, the "relatinoshi makes world go around" will appeals no sense.

Undergraduate / UC#1 Descrbing the world you come from and aspiration: My new life in America [2]

I would be greatly appreciate it if anyone could help revise and leave a commentary for further correction. I am not describing my dream and aspiration...

1. appreciated

Providing me with both difficulty and benefits, I became a whole new person that I never expected to become; an aspect that derived from independence, optimism, and adaptability.

1.difficulties

Another consequence was the whole new system of education system that I had to be adapted to.
1.cut clutter. just use new system of education

I tell myself that the life I live happen for a reason and that I should not take it granted.
happens? or exists?

essay about diversity or the pharse to state how to conquer and put through the "alien peroid" to find the feets
is more cliche recently.
but if u can dig into depth and find a concrete instance to tell admission officer ur uniqueness among the pool of smaliar applicants, then u will be standed out.

wish u luck.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-schools should only teach students skill not ethical value? [4]

As nations confronting an issue of moral collapse, leaving the traditional form of education-academic orientation questioned, some people claim that proper balance should be found by the way of addressing more on ethic and social value in the process of teaching. While others think it should be best left up to their parents. I support the former opinion.

1. strike is better than find ,strike a balance
2. leave up to ? or just leave to

One of the reasons for my belief is that students of all ages spend more time at school than other places, so institutions are having profound influence on the modeling of students . In addition, the uniqueness of school is that it is akin to a community where it could be seen as the snapshot of children adult life, meaning some of their behaviour would, in all likelihood, be projected in to their life afterward. The stain found by the teacher on one's personality would be enlarged if the teacher had not making any efforts to mop it away. For example, if we take look at the school history of some convicts who committed a violent crime, we would be be able to amass an overwhelming body of evidence that shows that they treated their peers disrespectfully and intolerably, resulting in their wrongdoings years later.

1. my suggestion: on modeling students. verb is powerful than n.
2. snashot means a piece of information that quickly gives you an idea of what the situation is like at a particular time.
i guess here u mean epitome, thing that shows on a small scale all the characteristics of sth much larger
3.grammar error.

Another reason for my belief is that with the bulging flow of information that need to be processed nowadays, the more they have learnt, the more skilled they would be , however, the issue that hoe to use the knowledge and skill to contribute to the best interest of society rather than doing harms to others for their own sake is a big conundrum, again, teachers play an vital role in engendering students to live up to their best potential for the benefits of society as whole.

1. they would be skills? supernature?aliens?
2. ur whole thrid paragraph consists one sentence...from the again, it starts the typical problem of run-on sentence

In conclusion, although in an area of democratic society , people are allowed to be different with varied traits, that is not an excuse to rationalize disrespectful and intolerable behaviour, therefore, some basic values are obliging to be taught by the school.

1. cut clutter....leave democratic society alone

strongly recommend the writer to read "the element of style"

socre 7-7.5 is overstated.

high-score IELTS writing features in depth and conciseness as well as vividness. hope it is helpful to u.

Letters / letter about thanking a friend for sending photos of holiday [2]

First of all,I am extremely grateful for the favor you have done me sending the photos of
holiday which evoke memories of that calming and rewarding day to me.

[i]1.have done me? have done to me? have done for me ? anyway, either one sounds weird
how about a concise style like : grateful for your favor that sent me the photos of ....

2. evoke or evokes

3.calming day? u mean quiet ,peaceful with comfort or tranquil? calm often refers to the mood.
BTW, i guess it should be days rather day.[/i]

However,having not been in touch for a long term,I have to say that getting involved with
Business affairs prevented me to write you earlier.

1. prevent from

As a matter of fact, I have been having hectic days full of activities ,lots of meetings with
Businessmen ,spending time to estimate the shares' value , predicting stockmarket's future outcome
and so on all lead me not to be able to meet your expectations to write you sooner.

1. readers can tell u r so busy...but "have been having hectic" is busy with grammar error and redundancy. (bear with my rude. pls...)

2. i guess there should be a sentense break here. and it is better to re-organize this sentence.

All in all, hoping you entitle me for the belated letter, I propose you to come to my my homeland
and stay with me assuring you that you are going to have a pleasure time here.
I will give you my word that you will experience a relaxing time here visiting one of our scenic
landscapes in our ancestral village.
Yours faithfully,
Mohammad

Atten: there r still other mistake which i hope other members will help u to amend.

Undergraduate / My Father- A great Influence ('Learn from others' mistakes') [3]

It's taken me nineteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my father has been in my life. He's the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist he would most want to have his portrait painted by, the kind of father who always has time for his family and the kind of leader who is now heading a multinational company. Growing up with such a strong role model I have developed many of his enthusiasms. I have not only come to love the excitement of learning something new. I have also come to recognize the importance of giving something back to the community, in exchange for the sense of life, love and spirit offered.

1.takes
2.discussions? or vision, opinion
3."the kind of" is redundant
4.redundant, leave come alone
5.i fail to see the quality "give and take" from ur example; just because ur father is the leader of a multinational company?! PLS STATE THE REASON.

refer to the colleges. r u applying for undergraduate ?

Undergraduate / Experiences to consider medicine as your future profession - BROWN PLME [3]

I could not simply understand why it is so. We have already found the cures to Tuberculosis and Malaria, yet they not have been eliminated off the face of the earth, and they still plague the people living in the third-world countries. the Third World. or i will try to color like " and they still plague the people from countries that fall off the development wagon.

I once heard about the story of a young African girl from Rwanda who could have survived her DR-TB (drug resistant strand of tuberculosis), if any of the people around cared to give her the drugs. For me, it was the harsh reality too gruesome and shameful to acknowledge. I wanted to become a doctor because I had long thought that it is my great pleasure and my calling to share my knowledge in saving people's lives. However, as I faced the reality, my reason for becoming a doctor has changed forever: I wanted to become a doctor who can mend the system of medicine to save not only the handful of patients who would visit my clinic, but also the vast majority of people who suffer from the badly allocated medical infrastructure of the world.

This example is ok but seems weak because it is more related to a nation's economic policy or social wealthy system rather than to ur medicine or pharmacy career.

My suggestion: u can be a doctor or researcher who makes commitment to search the medicine with low and more accessible cost which poverty can approach.

Essays / Ideas needed - Why is expanding professional networks and coalitions important? [8]

I see an inevitable trend for an industry moving towards coaliton when its development climbes into a high level.
To put it another way, it is culmiation of the matrue development for one area.
The coalition can be formed as the Industry Associations, the Community, the union , even the Club.
Its form varies from characters to characters.
It funcitons as a protection mechanism to resist violations, and can play a role of judge to arbitrate in the dispute, and even to right the wrong if the coalition per se is powerful and authoritative enough.

Essays / Ideas needed - Why is expanding professional networks and coalitions important? [8]

Individually speaking, in summary, the expanding professional networks and coalitions is defintely a tunnel to gain the advantage on your labor market by more expertise , resources, referees available.

Updating ur expertise , information, new research fruits.

i am not ture whether ur subject is just limited in personal issue.

Nationally speaking, it is good for a industry, a area.

Grammar, Usage / How to use a colon in English? [11]

Great quiz, since more students right now oversees the power of colon in writing.
The abuse of colon would make ur writing less formal and more loose.
See the extract from the "Elements of Style" by E.B White and Strunk.

Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list of particulars, an appositive, an amplification, or an illustrative quotation.

REMOVED BY KEVIN.
PLEASE JUST POST LINKS WHEN NECESSARY RATHER THAN PASTING IN THE CONTENT.

:-) THANKS!!! Here it is: drgrammar.org/frequently-asked-questions
Again , from the Brible of writing, "Elements of Style"