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Posts by zhonghua2412
Joined: Jul 4, 2011
Last Post: Jun 19, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  


Displayed posts: 7
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zhonghua2412   
Jun 19, 2017
Scholarship / I am applying for financial aid in order to continue my studies and get a Master degree. [4]

Kanyshai, generally speaking, your essay is already very persuasive. I think it would be better if you take the following items into consideration,

1. demonstrate a strong movtivation to your field of study. Give one or two examples.
2. tell admission officer that you can make a unique or speical contribution to the faculty's research outcome or show you have a strong interest in their research direction. One good way to achieve this is to read through the faculty published papers and their research topics.
zhonghua2412   
May 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / Students study a wide range of subjects or a few subjects. Discuss both pros and cons [NEW]

Title: Some people say students should focus on a few subjects while other argue that they should study a wide range of subjects.

Nowadays, along with the emphasis on overall development of individuals, students at school are forced to study a large range of subjects varying from history, painting, arts and mathematics and so on. However, when it comes to the question about whether students should learn so many areas of knowledge or focus on a few subjects which they may find their interests in, people hold divergent opinions. Personally, I am in favor of learning as much knowledge as one can.

The primary reason that makes me believe students should learn as much knowledge as they can is that all that knowledge taught in classroom will benefit them in the future. Without learning the basics of mathematics, individuals cannot calculate precisely; Without knowing arts, individuals may lose many chances to appreciate the beauty of nature; Without undertanding history, people cannot know how the human culture developed during past 5 thousands of years. Therefore, learning a variety of subjects can benefit people in many unexpected ways.

In the second place, having many ereas of knowledge in mind would help one get a decent job in the ever-increasing job market. Today, more and more multinational companies prefer to give interview oppotunities to someone knowing much more than others. the best example of this in place is that interviewees who are biligual or trilingual have a much higher opportunity to be recruited by the HRs. Therefore, it is always right to learn more and more in the today's society. Just as Steve Jobs left us the words: Keep foolish, Keep hungry. Keep going, Do not settle.

By way of conclusion, in today's society, even if individuals have tried their best to catch up the latest update happening in the world, they are still left far behind. Not to mention that situation of people who only choose a narrow range of subjects.

I am preparing Ielts writing test. Pls give your advices. Thanks in advance!
btw, how many scores can u give to this essay?
zhonghua2412   
May 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / leisure time essay; spending time equally useful for resting and for activities [3]

Well, there are many grammatic errors in the essay. Here are a few examples,

1.

most of the time people are engaged by their jobs or education

people are busy engagin in their jobs and educaiton.

or people spend most of their time on doing their jobs or receiving education.

2.

the next question arises of how they should spend this time in a useful way?

you can say it like this : when it comes to the question how they are expected to full utilize their free time, people hold divergent opinions.

your second paragraph is well organized, and the examples are also quite reasonable to testify the position of this paragraph.

Anyway, i guess this essay can get a band of 5.5 to 6.

Keep the good job.

:)
zhonghua2412   
May 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / The study of history and knowing how to appreciate the value of history [2]

While history serves valuable function to the extent that beyond to daily lives as well

-->On the other hand, history also plays a pivotal role in the extend far beyond our daily life.

it is known that teenage Bill Gates had had deep understanding of Napoleon's history

Accoring to the biography of Bill Gates, when Bill Gates was in his teenage, he read many books about Napoleon's personal history.

This is a story in an abnormal circumstance,especially Bill Gates he had dropped out from school,which demonstrates that it is hard to ignore the value of the history applying on abnormal cases.

I am not sure whether Napoleon dropped out schools or univeristies. If not this is kind of unrelated with this essay, and if yes, you had better add some words explainig both Napoleon and Bill had similar expeirience.

All above is just my oponion.Hope you can get better and better.
zhonghua2412   
Jul 4, 2011
Writing Feedback / Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office? [7]

Modern technologies allow us to finish our job through various ways. People can get up late
in the moring and say hello to their boss using Skype video, rahter than traveling
a long way and struggling with the traffic jam on the road to go to workplace. However, in
my opinion, despite benefits, we should see the potential hazards it brought us, like the loss
of movitation, causing problems to managing and personal future career.

working in the office means that we have an working atmosphere in which we can keep ourselves
focusing on the job. Seeing all the colleges are busy going around, the employees are more
likely to be productive. Suppose the secene that we work at home, we may have children running
,jumping and playing around. Also we may think that we have done enough work, maybe I need a
short rest. So in these situations we probably choose to stop working and focus on other chaos.
How can employees promise that they will not distracted from working while at home? Probably no
body can promise.

Another equally important fator that accounting for why I support that people should working
at office is that working at home may cause problems to the management of company.As a recent survey indicates that almost 60% bosses would like

their employees working at the office. Bosses are more facinated with the traditional way of managing. If he wants to talk to the employee, he may

directly talk to you face to face. Nontheless, the communication with the phone or email is not
as efficient as the face-to-face talk. In order to make the communications more effective, I
strongly suggest working at office.

Last but not least, working at home, to some degree, is risking one's future career. Suppose
your boss has never seen you face to face, how can he trust you as much as the one who is working
around him everyday? Career is so important for everyone of us, we seem not to be able afford
price of losing a job. Besides, nobody want to work the same position all one's life. We all
want to get a promotion right? Hence, in order to get a promostion or stay safely on one's job,
go to office and work there!

To sum this up, while we all want more time with our family or friends, the risk of losing a job
is a price too much that we pay for that. But there are also positive sides of working at office just
as what I mentioned above. Working at home using telephone or email is not better than working at office
at all.
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