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leisure time essay; spending time equally useful for resting and for activities


aidossodia 2 / 4  
May 7, 2012   #1
Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activitiesthat improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.

In this busy world most of the time people are engaged by their jobs or education and there is less leisure time for them. Therefore, the next question arises of how they should spend this time in a useful way? Some people believe that it is important to use the leisure time for activities that improve the function of the brain such as reading and solve word puzzles. Although, I have some sympathy with this idea, I believe that it is important to rest the mind during this period as well. I shall go on to suggest that this ways of spending the leisure time can be equally used.

Certainly, in this modern world most of the goals by people are accomplished through their mind work. Therefore to maximize their results they can use their leisure time to progress towards intellectual aspect. For example, solving the word puzzles improves concentration and expands your knowledge and reading books widens vocabulary and speaking capabilities. Consequently the positive aspects which are brought by these activities will have favorable effects on their studies and career growth.

Nevertheless, it not unreasonable that some people think that it is essential to rest their mind during the leisure time. In fact, many people get stressed and their minds fill with many problems while studying and working. Therefore, these negative aspects should be removed in some way, thus, watching TV or sleeping will refresh their minds.

In conclusion, it would be excellent if people use their time equally useful for resting and for activities. Balancing them will also benefit the physical health of people as the mind state and the physical state relate to each other strongly.

What do you think is the band score of this essay
zhonghua2412 2 / 5  
May 8, 2012   #2
Well, there are many grammatic errors in the essay. Here are a few examples,

1.

most of the time people are engaged by their jobs or education

people are busy engagin in their jobs and educaiton.

or people spend most of their time on doing their jobs or receiving education.

2.

the next question arises of how they should spend this time in a useful way?

you can say it like this : when it comes to the question how they are expected to full utilize their free time, people hold divergent opinions.

your second paragraph is well organized, and the examples are also quite reasonable to testify the position of this paragraph.

Anyway, i guess this essay can get a band of 5.5 to 6.

Keep the good job.

:)


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