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Posts by RChodavadia
Joined: Jul 12, 2011
Last Post: Jul 22, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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Jul 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / "make my parents proud" - Unusual Circumstances Essay [4]

Very heartfelt, shed a tear myself while reading this. Any admissions person should and will really take this circumstance into great consideration. Great writing, great story. Good luck my friend in everything you do in life and I hope you do accomplish everything you strive for.
Jul 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / Essay about a personal quality(ies) that I have and am proud of [4]

Thoughts and critiques are very appreciated! Grammar mistakes, awkward wording, anything you can think of that you think would fit better, don't be hesitant to say it. Thanks in advance!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The measure of the impossibility of an idea is directly correlated to the amount of will someone has to believe the impossible, is in fact, possible. This is an idea that I have held onto throughout the course of my existence. The impossibility of something regardless of what topic or subject it concerns, is what I strive to combat. I aim to succeed past these limits placed by society, and seek to carve my own path through this journey known as life. In order to advance beyond this seemingly unclimbable barrier, one must have power. However, unlike the more common definition, power in this case is the power to think differently than others; the power to change and fix the world's problems that other would see as unachievable. As I have grown in age as well as mind, my desire to accomplish my dreams and goals has not diminished. The ability to never surrender to the clutches of incompetency and failure continues to fuel my will to attain my dreams and aspirations. After spending an immeasurable time in hospitals, watching not only other patients, but also family members and close relatives, I had an incessant urge to help those in need. I began to join many non-profit organizations and volunteered as much as I could, in spite of whether I would get community service hours for it or not. Even when my will was tested through the many trials and tribulations that come with the journey through life, I continued to fight through the strain and the stress. Having both the qualities of compassion towards those in need and a perpetual ambition to attain and surpass the impossible, is what drives me through this strenuous journey of life. Ultimately, if I am able to help mankind in any way, shape, or form, then my life as well as my dreams will be fulfilled.
Jul 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / Originality does not mean thinking something that was never thought before; it means [8]

"accede" - Try saying "concede" ; It fits better in my opinion

"a define definition" - Try saying "a precise definition"

In my opinion, I don't think you should say "to sum up", try thinking of a creative way to make it flow

Just my suggestions, otherwise great essay, and keep up the good work!
Jul 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / "beauty is in fact in the eyes of the beholder" - O level essay BEAUTY [3]

"humans' minds." - If you could think of some different wording here that would be much better. It sounds a little awkward right now.

"are a few evidences" - say "is evidence"

"In a nutshell" - Think of some other way to start this paragraph

Just some suggestions, but otherwise, great essay, and keep up the good work!
Jul 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / "fulfilled the dreams and aspirations of him and his father" - my personal essay [3]

Throughout our lives we meet and see a myriad of people. They come and go, fading into nihility and unimportance as we continue to grow. However, the few who remain challenge this fact of life and carve their own image into our persona. My father has been this image of inspiration as I have aged from a boy to an adult. Traveling from a small village in India, he had a dream not to become rich and famous, but to live a life full of happiness and blithe. He yearned not for elegance and luxury, but for a loving family with whom he could share his days. From an early age my father was the symbol of guidance and support for his younger brothers and sisters, showering his altruistic grace over his siblings as he opted to drop school in order to support them in their endeavors. And although this act of magnanimity would later come to obstruct his path to success, through hard work and dedication, my father would leap and bound over the fences of inadequacy and adversity, ultimately walking on the side of accomplishment and felicity.

It is this unbreakable resolve to strive for success that drives my own will to achieve my dreams. Although he didn't have a formal education, it is my desire to attain that for him. He has always told me to challenge myself regardless of the difficulty or struggle. Unlike other parents, he cared more for the continual demand that coexists with the harder courses rather than the grades I may receive. And in spite of the unrelenting rigor that comes with a full schedule of advanced placement classes, I have never once doubted that what I am doing is the best for myself. My father has taught me to take the rockier trail rather than the newly paved one. Even in times of hardship watching him in the hospital bed recovering from a heart attack, he continued to convey his hard working approach to life. It was these countless hours spent viewing over my father and others in pain that has left me aspiring to become a doctor, and it was his teachings and journey that have inspired my volunteer work around the community as an affiliate of many different non-profit organizations. Not only has my father influenced the morals and ethics that I adhere to, he has also left his imprint on my life, creating a person who will not labor for himself, but for others, and a person who will unceasingly challenge himself regardless of the distress, never once quitting until he has attained and fulfilled the dreams and aspirations of him and his father.