Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]

Posts by hamsterlover26
Joined: Aug 10, 2011
Last Post: Aug 13, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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Aug 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Pikachu, Charizard, Darkrai - influential character / figure / work -commonapp essay [2]

I very much enjoyed your essay! I was thinking about doing the same prompt but could not decide on a subject that would be suitable for applying to college. Star Trek is an uncommon topic, I think, and will stick out for you. I liked how you compared it with the pokemon craze going on at the time, bringing in a bit of humor which is good. Good job! (:
Aug 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / "independence from their parents" - Should people live with parents ? [4]

For example, if a couple having kids is working , they can easily remain free of worries regarding who will take care of their kids while they are in office.

That is the only part of your entire essay that I had a little trouble understanding. After reading it a few times I understood what you were saying, but maybe try rewording it.. perhaps like : if a working couple have children,

Other than that, your essay seemed very well written. I enjoyed reading it.
Aug 11, 2011
Undergraduate / "an awful situation is needed to reveal the potential" - experience common app [NEW]

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Please critique me on the subject too. I am not sure whether it is a bad choice.

The horrible truth is sometimes an awful situation is needed for a person's potential goodness to be freed. In my opinion, the instigator is never sinless, but has the options of feeling guilt and remorse, indifference, or satisfaction after the fact. A person's true character shines through after hurting another human being be which of these feelings they encounter.

Not unlike many other children, I used to tease a girl, an outsider, in elementary school. My best friend and I felt we were invincible and above this girl because she was different and without many friends. Although she never let us see whether it bothered her, I know she must have kept the pain inside.

The next school year, she moved, never giving me the chance to speak to her again. Since I never was able to give her my most sincere apology, everyday since, I have been filled with guilt and remorse. The pain from my conscience is nothing compared to what the girl must have felt.

When I got off the bus on the same day, I have never been as disappointed in myself at that moment than my entire life. I made a promise to myself from that day forward, I would never make another human being feel the pain I caused her. I changed the way I approached life. Now I follow the saying, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated". In every situation, I try to see things from the other person's viewpoint and understand their perspective. Then, I began trying to make my friends develop this habit as well.

Moreover, I realized if I could make one person feel that bad, I could also make a positive difference in people's lives. It first began when my friends or people I hardly knew teased or judged others, and I would defend their prey. I knew I was doing the ethical action because having another teammate gives the instigators less power. Then, I wanted to make a different sort of impact. I began volunteering at my local hospital's physical therapy unit. While pushing wheelchairs on just a few days per week, I was able to gain friendships with many patients. Countless times, the patients have told me how lucky they were to meet me because I brightened their days. In my heart, I feel I am the lucky one to have been touched by them.

I honestly wish I could undo the harm I put her through, but since I cannot, I have learned from my mistakes. Instead of having my action recycle, I became known as the "nice girl". This incidence has dramatically impacted my life to the point that anybody who knows me now would never believe the pain I caused her.

Thanks in advance!! (:
Aug 11, 2011
Undergraduate / "My Quest for the Perfect Reed.....and Acceptance" - common app [10]

I absolutely loved your essay! It showed your personality and shared something very unique about you. Through the whole essay you talked about Bessie as if she was a person, which added your individual writing spark. The personification also sort of adds humor to the piece, lifting up the mood so it is not just another essay about a girl's love for playing an instrument. I say its just about perfect, good luck! (:
Aug 10, 2011
Undergraduate / "The Lyre and Drum Corp and Field Trips" - EXPERIENCES - HELPED YOU DEFINE AS PERSON [2]

Everything sounds very good. The whole essay is extremely well written. These changes may or may not help, good luck!

As a student, it helped me in every problem I encounteredand give my best to make the best solution I need. ; I would give my all to make the best solution.

Also because of Music, I can express my feelings through it. Also, I express my feelings through music.

In these this side, I learned that I have a great taste on for traveling and discovering things you'd I never expected you would to like.

As I looked at those fishes, I'd I realized that even though you have all the items you want but the fact that you'd been controlled by the people around you is so meaningless.

Maybe we don't have much money, but my parents doesn't don't lack love for us.

Your essay was very good, keep up the good work!
Aug 10, 2011
Undergraduate / "diverse coworkers" - common app short answer--work and friends [2]

This is for the common application short answer prompt:
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extra curricular activities or work experiences in the space below.

As soon as I got my driver's license I knew the next step for me was a job. Being in high school, I could only have a part-time, minimum wage job; I chose Fox's Pizza. It provided me with an adequate amount for spending and saving, but left me with little free time. Although I grew apart from a few, I quickly realized who my true friends were. Through the typical rolling dough, sprinkling cheese, and slicing vegetables, I developed friendships with many of my diverse coworkers. I never would have befriended these middle-aged, part-time workers or teenagers in my school from different social cliques if it was not for this job. What simply began as a check for college savings and new clothes, ended with lasting relationships with the most unexpected people.

Thank you very much in advance for your critiquing of my essay, I greatly appreciate it!
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