Posts by kelseyxramirez
Joined: Aug 22, 2011 |
Last Post: Oct 8, 2011
Threads: 2
Posts: 5
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From: United States of America
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Displayed posts: 7
kelseyxramirez Oct 8, 2011
kelseyxramirez Oct 8, 2011
Undergraduate /
'Asian Indian background' - rutgers essay [4]
i think it's important in any essay to not only TELL them what you are going to do, but SHOW them and I think that giving them examples of the clubs and activities you're planning to join is a step in the right direction. I also like how you made it more personal and gave that example of "Desi."
I think you should take out the "Finally" in the last paragraph, but other than that just read it a coule of times, even out loud to yourself and make sure that it SOUNDS right.
kelseyxramirez Oct 5, 2011
Undergraduate /
University of Florida essay Topic about how living with my father made me independent [2]
Here is the Prompt: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
I am just about to write my essay and was wondering what you guys thought of my topic. As of now, I am going to write about how living with my father, who worked for most of the day, my freshman year of high school has made me independent since I basically had to do everything for myself since he wasn't around.
So...any thoughts? I was also thinking of maybe writing about a trip to the Dominican Republic (where I am from) and how seeing my father went from having nothing to having everything has served as a sort of encouragement for me...
Thanks for any feedback
kelseyxramirez Aug 22, 2011
kelseyxramirez Aug 22, 2011
Undergraduate /
"a youth group called USY" - UF College [3]
I'm gonna be completely honest with you, this is one of the few essays where I actually wanted to read past the first paragraph. it's not the most formal essay I've read, but it's enticing and i feel like you're being yourself in the essay which is awesome, and I'm sure UF will love it. I agree that you should explain what USY is... other than the fact that it's a youth group. But i like how you started off in the present and went back a few years. But overall I think it's a great essay, but i I think you can combine certain sentences instead of separating one idea into 3 sentences.
Hope I helped and goodluck!
kelseyxramirez Aug 22, 2011
Writing Feedback /
The importance of natural resources (forests, animals and clean water) [16]
I think it's an awesome essay, only problem I have with it is the part where you talk about what you're going to be talking about in the rest of the essay(The issue of saving natural resources like forests, animals and clean water has always been a crucial virtue since the time of industrialization. It is believed that this should be the matter of global importance. This will be proven with clear examples in my essay below.)
I think that anyone who should be reading your essay should know what your stand is in the issue...it shouldn't be something that you have to point out.
kelseyxramirez Aug 22, 2011
Undergraduate /
Choosing Topic about meaningful Event (University of Florida Application) [5]
I haven't written an essay yet, I just need some help deciding on what topic to choose...
I was thinking of either writing about a trip to Dominican Republic where I visited my dad's side of the family..and they happen to not have as much as we do and If I was to choose to write about this i would talk about how going there and seeing where they are and where my father has gotten in his life serves as some sort of encouragement...something along those lines
Or
How the experience of living with my father, alone, really made me more independent since he was never really around.
Thanks for the suggestions!
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