Posts by vivianliu

vivianliu

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / Why do not enjoyable things: necessity, importance for the future, families and friends in our lives [5]

In my opinion, you should extend your example and write more details to support your points.

vivianliu

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / In order to success, you should be more or different from others? [3]

Thanks a lot!

vivianliu

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / "children should manage their own money at the young age" - TOEFL [4]

There is a general discussion on whether children should manage their money at the young age so that they could be financially responsible adults. As to this, different people may have different views due to their distinctive background, personal beliefs, emotional concerns and so forth. Those who advocate believe that it will cultivate the consciousness of financial management of children, people who disagree argue that when children are not old enough, this pratice is not appropriate. As far as I am concerned, I don't agree with this practice. My conclusion is reached from the following analysis.

In the first place, I don't think children at the young age could well manage their own money, and they may waste it. Children like to get things that attract them most, such as fancy dresses, funny toys and delicious snakes. As is often the case, they soon lose interests in what appealed to them at the very beginning. When they know they can possess all these with the money they have, they will spent on them without the least hesitation. Thus,...

Besides, to let children manage their own money might somewhat mislead them and generally corrupt their value. When they spend money so arbitrarily getting what they want, they probably think money is the most useful thing in the world, and more likely, to show off in front of their friends how wealthy they are.(You can add an example. Like" you sister buys cell phone frenquently in order to compare with others....")

Admittedly, some parents hold the opinion that if children's money are taken away, it may deprive of the chance to let children become financially responsible adults. However, all these concerns are uncalled for, surely there are plenty of other ways to achieve the purpose. For example, parents could set up a family education fund and contribute children's money to the fund for their further education. Or else, parents could tell children that there are lots of people who still live in extreme poverty, perhaps they can donate part of the money to help those in need.

In summary, based on the above-mentioned reasons, I don't agree children should manage their own money at the young age.

Try to avoid some verbal saying like well.
Don't forget to capitalize the first letter of each sentence.
I think you could add more examples.

vivianliu

Aug 23, 2011

Writing Feedback / In order to success, you should be more or different from others? [3]

Agree or disagree, in order to success, you should be more like others than to be different from others.

Many people may choose to follow other's steps in order to succeed. In that case, they could avoid of making mistakes and raise the chance of success. Nevertheless, as for me, I think it is better for us to be different from others than imitate others in order to succeed. There are several reasons to support my opinion.

To begin with, innovation leads to succeed. Entering a new field provides people more opportunities and increases the chance of success. Just take Coco Chanel as an example. As we all known, Coco Chanel is famous for her fashionable clothes and styles. Her success was mainly based on her innovation on the traditional clothes. Women were limited to wear luxury but inconvenient dresses, and never had any women tried to wear pants. While others were considering how to design beautiful dresses so as to succeed just like some well-known designers, Coco designed the first pair of pants. This novel design caught a lot of attention and became wild-spread and popular among women. Consequently, Coco Chanel made profits as well as gained reputation. Therefore, innovation can easily catch people's eyes and without large amount of competitors, we are more likely to succeed.

Moreover, the situation varies from one to another, which means other's way to success may not suit your condition. For instance, Alexander Fleming found penicillin and succeeded. However, his success lies greatly in his good luck. Hardly could he find penicillin if he didn't see the decayed bread in the lab. But chances are that, we may never have that good luck. Thus, if we just imitate him, we can never gain success. I think we should analyze the current situation and find a proper way to solve the problems we face instead of waiting for luck.

Last but not least, we can find better way than others when it comes to seek for success. Difficulties and problems are inevitable on the way to success, and different solutions could lead to different results. We should think comprehensively rather than follow other's way. For example, there is no need to imitate Bill Gates and drop out of school in order to start the business career. When facing challenges, we should strive for the best solution. I do believe success will come.

In a nutshell, we should try our best to gain success in our own way instead of imitating others.

Thanks!