Undergraduate / "whatever decision I make with my co-members" - extracurricular activities or work [21]

Take internet reviews with a grain of salt. Admissions2012 is a horrible editor.

I have been so lucky during my high school experience to be involved in my family responsibilities. This has since created a platform where I not only try to bring out the best of my leadership skills, but also [develop] new leadership skills.

I enjoy going home each day knowing there is someone there who expects me to portray my leadership abilities in duties such as : [<wording is really awkward.] organizing my father's financial arrangements i.e banking and spending, (If you're going to use this, find a way to fit it in smoothly) cooking the meals and making sure my younger siblings are outstanding in their academic endeavors.

Tutoring my siblings not only helped save the cost of hiring a tutor but also helped me have a wider horizon on my academic subjects widen my academic horizons.

These experiences [have] motivate[d] me to thrive for the best and be persistent in whatever I do, be it in the science club, the d ebate team or the student government, due to the knowledge being instilled in me by my father (awkward). In these activities, I practiced teamwork and leadership, and I've always had full confidence in my decisions, however I am still open to my team's other ideas. (awkward)

You don't have to make the exact changes that I suggested. It's your essay, so make the revisions that sound the best to you.

Writing Feedback / Books have more influence on society than television. [4]

I don't think your essay presents a very strong argument. TV's influence on you does not necessarily apply to TV's influence on society. Even if books influence you more, you can't conclude that society thinks the same way with that argument. The "books are portable" argument isn't really valid. Even if we don't watch TV all the time, time not spent watching TV is not time spent reading books. Also, you claim that TV programs of violence and pornography don't affect society? That's not true.

If you want to argue that books have more influence on society, use stronger points.

Undergraduate / " Integrity has become a lifestyle" - my Issue of Importance Essay [3]

"future leaders who idolize them."

"...the ones who have no integrity, such as the driver texting or talking on a cell phone.." That's not true. You never know until you're in their shoes. I guarantee that not all drivers talking on cell phones have "no integrity."

Your introduction could use some work. I doubt it was your principal that made you realize what you really think about integrity.

Undergraduate / "musical waters of Hindustani" - Gutsy/Unconventional Common App Essay [4]

^Half of the things that bot is saying is crap. Don't even read it.

"comfortably wrapped in their comforters" sounds kind of weird.

What did you learn from your experience?

Undergraduate / "unless a man has has courage.." - Common App: "Pick Me!" DRAFT [5]

The transition between the second and third paragraph was really abrupt. Also, explain more of what you learned from the experience. When did you learn that what you did back then was wrong?