Undergraduate / "surmounting the task" - Common App: "Evaluate a significant experience" [2]

I've already edited down a significant portion of this essay, and it's currently running at 625 words. Many thanks to those who can help to get it down to 500!

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I looked at the small glowing object in my arms, in awe by the fact that I'd had a hand in its birth. I had bled, cried, endured, and persevered for months for this tiny piece of me; and I regretted none of it. A sigh slipped through my lips as I caressed its smooth face, finally understanding what it was to work hard for what I loved. The world was a blur around me; people shuffled across the floor hastily, hugging and smiling while cameras flashed like fireworks. The mirrors on Pam's top danced as she walked over and told me it was time for a photo. I nodded, and we carried our second place trophy together to the front of the stage where the rest of the team waited for us and our baby.

As a child I was conditioned by my parents to study hard in school because the nail-biting stress and sleepless nights I endured as a teen would inevitably lead to a successful future. However, when I grew older, I was hesitant to believe their favorite maxim to be true. As the anxiety of one exam subsided, the anxiety of another took its place, and the cycle seemed never-ending. I did my best in spite of my apprehension, although my foundation shook as I made the grades but reaped none of their benefits.

With SAT's mounting the horizon, the summer after tenth grade looked as though it was going to reflect my pessimism until my dance coach approached me about taking part in a competition in Canada. Initially, my conscience faltered at his offer, but I decided to take on the challenge, and I vowed to do everything in my power to keep my lack of experience from holding the team back.

The next three weeks were pure bliss and utter anguish. Our team of 12 practiced for 4 hours a day, 7 days a week at a local college campus. Crunched for time, we speculated just how successful this venture would be with only three weeks to prepare. We experienced an even larger setback when one of the girls was diagnosed with tendinitis in both legs and I suffered from a torn ligament, but we both withstood the pain, working twice as hard as the others so as not to fall behind.

Twenty-one days passed in the blink of an eye. I struggled with myself the day before the competition, telling myself that what I was about to do was an utter mistake. I battled my nerves until the second the stage lights were set aflame and my limbs began to recount the story of my pain, my anxiety, and ultimately my determination.

In hindsight, the sheer exuberance I felt during our performance would have sufficed to convince me that a person can truly benefit from her travail. However, we were fortunate enough to hear our team's name as they announced second place, and in that moment I knew that the mental and physical tribulations I had faced had been worth it without a doubt. In the long term, this competition has made me a stronger dancer, leader, and role model for the girls at our dance academy. I never hesitate to offer a helping hand to those in need of guidance, and it's for that reason that I have gained an immense amount of respect among the children and their parents. My academic life has reached new heights because I understand why I must work hard. I'm certain that whatever trials I face and conquer now will benefit my future. No matter how arduous a task may be, surmounting it rather than avoiding it will be a learning experience-knowledge can only make me stronger.

Undergraduate / English and Political Economy- interest in study, Georgetown University essay [3]

This is my first draft, so you may find a lot of problems. Any and all constructive criticism is appreciated! Thank you so much!

PROMPT: Relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How to these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study?

Goosebumps intruded into every inch of skin on my arms as I sat in ICC 108, listening to a lecture about the Trilemma. I smiled without thinking, and a rush of intellect ran over me as pieces began to fit seamlessly into the puzzle of international finance. Rushing to catch every significant word, I realized I only ever experienced this sensation twice in my life; once during this course in International Relations, and again whenever my restless fingers tapped away at a keyboard, molding morphemes and phonemes in stories to be shared with my world.

I like to think writing was an in-born passion of mine. It's a difficult statement to argue against when you consider I first began my journalistic career at the tender age of eight, founding and producing my elementary school's weekly newspaper. From there, the text never stopped. I am currently the feature editor for my high school's newspaper, I regularly submit work to a national teen magazine, and I run my own blog onto which I post short fiction and poetry.

After spending the summer of 2011 learning about foreign affairs on the Georgetown University campus, I knew I couldn't abandon the information I'd learned. I thirsted for more, and that was the moment when my desire to major in only English turned into a need to double major in English and Political Economy.

I beam at the thought of having the opportunity to study these majors at Georgetown University because no other institution in the United States can rival what Georgetown has to offer. With Capitol Hill and the White House seated at the university's doorstep, I would have the opportunity to experience and take part in the processes of domestic and foreign policy. As a political science student, I would have the opportunity to attend lectures led by prominent figures including Madeleine Albright and Jose Maria Aznar, using their experiences to fuel the future political scene in D.C. Political Economy majors also take advantage of D.C.'s business district where numerous investment banks and foreign corporations station their head offices.

With my focus on print journalism, I would be able to make the best of the university's numerous publications as outlets for my work. Having had experience on a newspaper staff, I could easily see myself working vigorously in the newsroom at The Hoya. I could spend hours scheduling interviews and typing article after article concerning the happenings of the school and the city surrounding it. In my wildest dreams, I can imagine myself standing as editor-in-chief, watching over the newsroom in the same place Joseph R. Mickler (the newspaper's first editor-in-chief) stood when the entire operation began in 1920. My creative tendencies would also need satisfying, but no worry. I could submit work to The Georgetown College Journal, the university's literary magazine and the oldest publication on campus. The English department's undergraduate journalism program would provide me endless internship opportunities at organizations including The Voice of America and the Washington Post.

Walter Wellesley Smith once said, "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." I hope to have the opportunity to attend Georgetown University, so that when I write, I may open my vein and feel the pulse of economic policy-making throbbing.