Undergraduate / CommonApp Essay/Unusual circumstance: Moral ambivalence in a running bus. [2]

Hello guys.
I'm going to attach this to CommonApp.
Please help me to correct any grammatical mistake and give me some advice to revise the essay.
Thank you!

On one summer day of 2006, after three hours of rigorous kendo training, I was barely standing in a bus station, waiting for no.7 bus that would guide me home. Alas! It was five o'clock when usually all buses are full. It takes almost 40 minutes to home, and I wasn't so sure if my legs will not collapse in the rattling bus. Wow, it was my lucky day. I found a seat as soon as I got into the bus. It magnetized my fragile body with such a compelling power. I went comatose as soon as I hit the seat.

...Huh? Suddenly, with no reason, my eyes opened wide. The bus was already full. Looking outside, I was almost halfway home. I decided to continue to sleep. At the moment of closing my eyes again, I saw an old lady standing right beside me. Unfortunately, though my body resisted, my superego defeated my id that I almost instinctively offered my seat to her. Then, as I expected, a textbook scenario developed and we exchanged some textbook dialogues.

"Please sit here mam!"
"No, I'm fine, you can just stay there."
Knowing exactly what I ought to do, I offered her my seat several more times, but she was firm. I really wanted her to sit, but was afraid that reiterating the same words would annoy her. I needed to deliberate other method to persuade her. I stood up and told her that I'm getting off at next station. Finally, she sat down with a smile and I was pleased with odd satisfaction. I imaged myself to be one of those people who would appear in a public service advertisement or in a pamphlet that encourages people to observe public order and etiquette.

A moment later, suddenly, I felt a pat on my shoulder. It was the old lady. I smiled to her and was ready to listen courteously to whatever she says. To my dismay, the old lady was... um... frowning and looked extremely unpleasant. Not expected this kind of reaction, I was stunned. She didn't say anything; she just stared at me with such a weird look. On the moment of getting off the bus, the old lady pointed a finger of blame at me, and spat grumbling words, shouting: "You didn't get off! You little cheater! You fooled me!" Then, she hurried off the bus.

...I felt a string in my head had broken. Tears had moistened my eyes. Everyone in the bus was looking at me as if I had done something wrong to the old lady. I didn't know why I deserve such blame. All what I had done was just to practice what I deemed to be the right moral judgment. I felt as if the lady wrapped her hands around the stem of my moral universe and pulled it until the roots gave in.

What was wrong?
It was so a difficult questions for a 12 years old boy with immature sense of morality. I couldn't think of anything else. Every part of my body was concentrating on this question that my ears couldn't hear the noise of rush hour; my eyes lost their focus. When I finally came back to myself, I missed my stop and was at the final station. But I was still unable to find the answer. After I got back home, I didn't tell my family what happened on the bus. I wanted to meditate upon it and find the answer by myself.

After those fruitless days, one day, when I was sitting on the dinner table, an idea occurred to me like a spark. I discovered that all my efforts and time I devoted in chasing after the answer were vain, because the answer had never existed but has only started to exist when I defined it to be the answer. I was the only one who is responsible and eligible for building my moral universe and values and for defining correct moral view. They could only be meaningful when they were granted independency. Had I blindly accept what other people force on me, my cognitive judgment and action would have lost their meaning as the results of my independent consciousness. At the end of my contemplation, new moral value that would not be pulled out even in a severe storm took roots deep into my heart.

Few days later, when I was on my way home sitting in no.7 bus, I saw an old gentlemen getting on the bus.
"Please sit here sir!"

Undergraduate / Unusual circumstances in my life: Moral ambivalence in a running bus -CommonApp Essay [2]

I'm going to attach this essay to CommonApp.com.
The topic is: Unusual circumstances in my life
Please help me to improve it.
Be as harsh as you can!

At one summer day of 2006, after three hours of rigorous kendo training, I was barely standing in a bus station, waiting for no.7 bus that would guide me home. It takes almost 40 minutes to go back home and my body ceaselessly sent a message to my brain to spot a seat on my getting on the bus. Wow, it was my lucky day (...or not). Though it was five o'clock when usually all buses are full, I found a seat as soon as I got into the bus. It magnetized my fragile body with such a compelling power. I had fallen asleep as soon as I hit the seat.

...Huh? With no reason, suddenly my eyes opened wide. The bus was already full. I looked out to see where I was. I was almost halfway to home. At the moment of closing my eyes again, I saw an old lady standing right beside me. Unfortunately, my superego defeated my id that I almost instinctively offered my seat to her. Then, a textbook scenario developed and we exchanged some textbook dialogues.

"Please sit here, mam!"

"No, I'm fine, you can just stay there."

I offered her my seat several times, but she was firm. I really wanted to let her sit, but was afraid that reiterating the same words would annoy her. I sensed a necessity of deliberate other methods to persuade her. I stood up and told her that I'm getting off at next station. Finally, she sat down with a smile and I was pleased with odd satisfaction. I imaged myself to be one of those people who would appear in a public service advertisement or in a pamphlet that encourages people to observe public order and etiquette. Unable to sleep, I related a topic to another, making up my own messy story. When I finally decide to finish it, I was a billionaire dwelling in an old shack.

Suddenly, I felt a pat on my shoulder. It was the old lady. I smiled to her and was ready to listen courteously to whatever she says. To my surprise, the old lady was... umm... frowning and looked extremely unpleasant. Not expected this kind of reaction, I was stunned. She didn't say anything; she just stared at me with such a weird look. On the moment of getting of the bus, the old lady pointed a finger of blame at me, and spat grumbling words, saying: "You didn't get off! You little cheater! You fooled me!" Then, she hurried off the bus.

...I was shocked. I didn't know why I deserve such blame. All what I had done was just to practice what I considered to be the right moral judgment. I felt as if the lady wrapped her hands around the stem of my moral universe and pulled it until the roots gave in.

What was wrong?

It was so a difficult questions for a 12 years old boy with immature moral value. I couldn't think of anything else. Every part of my body was concentrating on this question that my ears couldn't hear the noise of rush hour; my eyes lost their focus. When I finally came back to myself, I missed my stop and was at the final station. But I still couldn't find the answer. After I got back home, I didn't tell my family what happened on the bus, because I wanted to meditate upon it and find the answer by myself. A day had passed and I was still unable to find the right answer.

Then, suddenly, an idea occurred to me. I found out that chasing after the answer is meaningless, because I am the only one who is responsible and eligible for building my moral universe and value. If I blindly accept what other people force on me, than my moral judgment would lost its meaning as the result of my independent consciousness.

New moral value took roots.

Few days later, when I was on my way home sitting in no.7 bus, I saw an old gentlemen getting on the bus.

"Please sit here sir!"

Undergraduate / Korea: Essay about a significant expeirence: Naksangmae [NEW]

Naksangmae
"In Korea, there's a hawk called 'Naksangmae'. Direct English translation would be 'fallen and injured hawk'. It has long been considered as the epitome of braveness and tenacity."

In the summer of 2009, my heart was inflated with grandiose confidence and pride when I registered for Korean college entrance exam. I was already qualified as high school graduate when I was 13 by teaching myself, and academically eminent among my friends. I had no doubt that I will be admitted by the university I applied for.

However, what left behind after the exam were the despicable test result that proved my immaturity, arrogance, naivety, and insensibility of reality, scorn, and everlasting trauma.

I failed.
Thereafter, time had no meaning to me. It was merely a combination of capricious numbers that changes time to time. I couldn't talk with my family, my friends. Even their comforting words sounded as disdainful mockery. I built a wall around me and locked myself in a quarantine to be isolated from other people. I was ashamed of myself.

One night, I was watching 'Hitman' and surfing online. My everyday life was so enervative and repetitive that hardly was I excited even by doing numerous tasks simultaneously. It had lost its vigor long ago. Suddenly, my eyes were dragged to several keywords on the monitor. They were neither the words of Timothy Olyphant saying "how about we die with dignity?", nor were the words of a news reporting actress A's coming-out. They were words on a blog about animals. Wow, I never thought I was interested in reading philosophical descriptions of animals. However, 'broken beak' and 'shredded wings' were unusual enough to pull my attention together that has torn apart by languor. It was a short passage explaining a bird called 'Naksangmae'.

Feeding her young, mother Naksangmae drops the foods out of the nest on purpose. Then, little birds have to get out of their nest to feed. Often, however, young birds fall off from the cliff where the nest is located. Their small beak is crushed, frail wings are ripped, and tiny legs are broken. Unable to move an inch, they lie still in baffling helplessness, terrified, frustrated, for several day without eating anything. Then, they realize that they have to move forward in order to survive. Crawling up to their nest, most of the little birds die out from hunger, injure, and cold. But they never cease to advance. They continue to chase after a ray of dim light that shines upon them.

Reading the passage, I felt strong and lasting tremble from the deep down of my heart. I stunned; I was the fallen little hawk. Then, I was resolute to face the path in front me. I had broken the bound that restrained me from advancing. I could not let the first fall drag me into the eternal lethargy. Surprisingly, when I was determined to confront the inevitable risk, I was not nervous, but felt bizarre euphoria running through my vein. I was not bewildered, but was excited; my heart was fueled with passion.

My nest was in the higher spot than I had expected. I registered for 5 AP exams for the coming May, and made up my mind to go back to school, finishing seven years of self-teaching. Actually, before then, going to American university was just a vague goal for me, which consists of accumulation of my scattered dream and will. However, it became clear to me. Taking 5 AP exams with no more than four months left to prepare without any help seemed relentless. But when the results finally came out, I was one step near my dream, near my nest. I didn't reach my nest yet, but I found myself enjoying this arduous adventure.

Next summer, as soon as I reach my nest, I will find myself fallen off the cliff again. But I'm not afraid. Because ordeal is a necessary condition of growth and maturity; and life without growth and maturity is impossible. I will never hesitate to confront the distress, but will step upon it and make it a springboard for my future and ambition.

"....then, finally, when those survived little hawks mature, they become dominator of the sky to whom no beast dares to challenge, conquering the frightening height."