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Posts by estherfm
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Last Post: Oct 4, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

Displayed posts: 8
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estherfm   
Oct 4, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My experience in moving to Israel' - Common App [8]

I don't know how to cut down on the facts - this is the only way I know how to write. I agree that it's too long; I may just stick with what I had before.

I'm applying for Northwestern, among others. Good luck with your application too!
estherfm   
Sep 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Intellectual Adventure with Block Plan - Colorado College supplemental essay [3]

Prompt: The Block Plan at Colorado College has a tradition of innovation and flexibility. Please design your own three-and-a-half week intellectual adventure and describe what you would do.

Ancient History is not a subject to be taken lightly. Our knowledge is poor due to limited evidence and conflicting theories. To understand it, immersion is the best course of action.

Week one of the Local Ancient Civilizations course begins with preparation for an excursion to the Florissant National Monument to give students a glimpse of the past. The preparation is brief; there is some required reading and in-class discussion in the first class, and by the second class the students are ready to go into the field. At the park the students are greeted by a park ranger, who explains the meaning of seemingly insignificant markings on the rocks that today serve as a nesting spot for local squirrels. It turns out that the lines engraved into the stone mean that grains were grown and stored here thousands of years ago. There are other rocks that present evidence of berries, leaves, and tools; each is examined by the students as they listen to their instructor.

At the end of that day the professor declares that it would be grand to have a meal in the style of the ancients. She instructs the students to research the food that was consumed in the time period of study. Every student must bring one appropriate recipe for the next class, accompanied by an essay detailing the gathering of ingredients and preparation of food in years past. She lists a number of books and articles that will help the students with this assignment, and the class is dismissed.

The third and final class of the week is a feast. The professor has arranged a table laden with nuts, berries, rough bread, and strips of dried meat that she claims she cured herself. During the course of the meal the class discusses the relationship between food and early civilization. This segues into a lecture about the social structure of societies past and present, how they are related, and how, in some ways, the thousands-of-years-old structures were better than what exists today. The professor assigns three textbook chapters to be read over the weekend, and the first week comes to a close.

The fourth lesson opens with a pop quiz based on the reading material. Then the professor moves on to the religious habits of ancient societies: how religion began, how it changed, and how the ancient peoples became dependent on it. The rest of the week passes in much the same way, with reading and quizzes and discussion; the professor explains that she is "really an old fuddy-duddy" and not all of her lessons are going to be as exciting as the first three were.

The third week holds surprises. For the seventh class of the block period the professor has invited an eminent historian who specializes in the ancient native people who lived in this area and their connection to natural elements. He talks about the lake that once sat nearby, the effect the presence of the lake had on its surroundings, and how the people who lived here changed when the lake disappeared. He touches upon the subject of the mountains but says has run out of time to discuss them in depth. The professor reminds him that there is no time limit; the class will go on as long as he talks. The historian smiles and continues, and the class ends only at two in the afternoon.

The next class focuses on the interaction between groups of nomads and settlers; wars are described and peace treaties examined. There is another guest: an expert in weaponry of the old ages. He demonstrates the making of arrowheads, and the method of attaching arrowheads to sticks to create spears. The students attempt to imitate him, but, being untried in the ways of ancient weapon-work, fail miserably. The expert laughs and says it is all for the best, as weapons are not allowed on campus.

There is more reading homework, and an extra credit project announced: students have the option to create a visual display of an element, or elements, of ancient life, to be presented at the beginning of the final week. The last class of week three is spent once again at Florissant; this time students examine a re-creation of a settlement, complete with life-sized sculptures of humans and animals. The last hour of this lesson is devoted to explanations and questions about the final examination, due to take place during the last lesson of the block.

On the second-to-last day, those students who chose to complete the extra-credit assignment present their projects. One student has arranged pictures of her peers dressed in period clothing on a sheet of construction paper. Another displays a panorama of molded figures made out of clay and paper. This penultimate lesson is all review; some students remain into the evening to study. The exam takes place on the eleventh and final day, and the block period is over.
estherfm   
Sep 23, 2011
Student Talk / Common Application Essay won't upload! [40]

I'm on a Mac, using OpenOffice and Google Chrome; all of my docs upload just fine. So that's another alternative.
estherfm   
Sep 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My experience in moving to Israel' - Common App [8]

However, your essay could have been improved had you tried to 'show' yourself instead of 'telling' who your are.

Thanks for the feedback! Can you give me some examples of "showing"?
estherfm   
Sep 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My experience in moving to Israel' - Common App [8]

[Subject: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.]

(Parenthetical comments will not be included in the final draft.)

(This is a rough piece. I don't know how to end it, nor how to fill in the gaps. Feedback and suggestions are much appreciated.)

Conventional wisdom paints American life as heterogeneous; Israel is perceived to be relatively homogeneous. I spent my childhood in a Jewish neighborhood near Cleveland, Ohio, attended a Jewish day school and participated in a Jewish youth group. When I was in third grade my mother took a sabbatical in Israel; I encountered more variety in that one year than I did in fourteen years in America. The taste of life that I found in Israel was to American culture what cactus fruit is to corn. (I really wanted to include cactus in this essay.)

I yearned to savor the flavor; bolstered by feelings of national identity, I broached the subject of moving with my parents. After much consideration, we moved to Israel in the fall of 2006. In my naïveté, I had not given much thought to the impact a new culture would have on me. Our new apartment was one-fifth the size of our previous home; and whereas I had been in accelerated classes in my school in Cleveland, I now found myself floundering in school because I was unused to the language. My classmates too were very different from the uniformity to which I was accustomed. Their upbringings differed radically from mine and from each others', and their values were unfamiliar to me. Even the food was new: besides the obvious differences in cuisine, like the abundance of falafel stands and lack of cherry coca cola, there were less obvious but still jarring menu choices. The oranges that my classmates brought for lunch were green.

Despite these obstacles, I was determined to find my place in my new home. I boosted my vocabulary with the help of Hebrew novels and did not let differences stop me from making friends. While I found my schoolmates to be less-than-friendly, I had joined a youth group and auditioned for a part in a community play where I made friendships that have lasted to this day. I joined a debate team, where I learned to defend my own opinion while listening to others'. Volunteering too became a fixture: packaging food for those in need, serving and cleaning in soup kitchens, and helping new immigrants not unlike myself

The process of moving to Israel gave me confidence in myself and enabled me to venture onto new paths of experience. I became a counselor in my youth group, assuming joint responsibility for a large group of eight year olds. The role of instructor, guide, and friend to those children gave me the opportunity to make an impact on their lives, simultaneously teaching me that every voice is worth listening to. Working alongside three other counselors taught me patience and the value of teamwork, especially when we disagreed and were forced to compromise.

I taught myself to play guitar, and to speak Gaelic; my determination and perseverance were tested but ultimately strengthened by the challenge of relying solely on myself to learn new skills. (This needs more. But what?)

Leaving my sheltered life in Cleveland enabled me to broaden and redefine my world view. My life in Israel wasn't always easy, but my experiences provided ample reward. It has been a long journey, and (I have no clue how to end this).
estherfm   
Sep 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Sunday's meal a delectable delight" [3]

I liked it, except for the part where the women do all the work. Can't the men help out, or is this a misogynist setting where the women do all the food-related things while the men laze about?

You got my stomach rumbling, that's for sure.

estherfm   
Sep 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the block program, the mountains' - How did you learn about Colorado College and why [2]

All input welcome, thanks!

My introduction to Colorado College was through a friend I met on an online forum. It was the fall
of 2010, and I was on a post-high school trip around the United States to visit family. I had come
to Colorado Springs to see my mother's cousins, and while I was there I spent some time with my
friend (name deleted to preserve privacy), a sophomore at Colorado College. I visited the campus and sat in on a
robotics class with her, and she explained the block program and her experiences as a student.

When I began to consider attending college, my biggest fear was that I would not be able to
juggle numerous courses, tests, and assignments. Colorado College's block program will allow me
to focus on a single subject without distraction from other courses, which I believe will enable me
to get the most out of every course. The added benefits of small class size and no time limit on
any given lesson eliminates something that annoyed me as a high school student: class discussion
will be both possible and pleasant, and there will be no need to cut discussion short because of
schedule constraints.

Additionally, I had fallen in love with Colorado Springs during my visit; the mountains, the crisp
air so unlike the heavy city air I was used to, and the sheer beauty of my surroundings enamored
me. I am considering taking courses in environment, and the area around Colorado Springs is
perfectly suited to my interests. During my visit I was especially impressed by the rock
formations at Garden of the Gods; I would love to be able to study them as a student at Colorado
College.

I am applying to Colorado College as an early applicant because I am sure that Colorado College is
right for me. I think that the block program will enable me to achieve better academic results
than I would at any other college, and I believe that the beautiful environment in which the
campus is situated will inspire and accelerate my learning process.
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