Undergraduate / Student - connection to humanity [5]

Common app essay- influential person

What have I gotten myself into? I watched my new student and sighed hopelessly. He looked like an ordinary child. It was abundantly clear that he loved his mother. Unfortunately, although he adored his mother, he did not seem to adore me. "Matthew, press a key." He sat in front of the piano pretending not to hear me.

After our first meeting, his mother and I discussed future lessons. "Matthew is not a simple child," she hesitated, "Matthew is autistic. His condition keeps him from doing many things he wishes he could do... so please, don't give up on him." From the look in her eyes to her arms subtly stretched out to me, I could see her despair. My eyes widened. I didn't expect her to ask me of this. I wasn't sure whether or not I could handle this. Would I be able to reach him?

The following lessons were slow. Matthew, in his own world, refused to touch the piano. Questions raced in my mind: what if he never tries? What if this is futile?

One day, I couldn't take it any longer. I took his hands into mine.
He looked at me as if I appeared out of thin air, then his eyes focused on our entangled hands. I placed his hands on the keyboard.

"Try," I encouraged him, "just one note".

Silence.
In all my life, I have never experienced such an anticlimactic moment. His hands rushed back to his side and he sat there as if nothing happened. I stared at him, dumbstruck. Then, in disbelief, I laughed. He turned towards me and like any other child, he smiled.

Matthew's first notes came a few weeks later. It wasn't anything dramatic: one morning, he simply decided to stroll in and start pressing keys. It was just another day for Matthew, but for me, it was groundbreaking.

I didn't think that I could reach him. In all the weeks leading up that one monumental lesson, I had no idea that something was sinking in. I was afraid of teaching Matthew, dreading every lesson because I didn't want reality to confront me. I didn't want to believe that failure was possible. But what about Matthew? I had been so bent on my own misgivings that I had not been focusing on Matthew's. Had he felt that dread? Would he have played sooner if I believed in him?

While contemplating, an excerpt of John Donne's poem "For Whom the Bell Tolls" came to mind:
"No man is an island, entire of itself; every
man is a piece of the continent..."
I realized that despite everything, we're connected. Though Matthew seems detached, he's nonetheless a part of humanity and thus, a part of me. All of my actions affected him in some way. I finally took the time to see the world from Matthew's eyes and my perspective broadened. Past the superficialities, we're all one body. I am linked to Matthew. And he is linked to me.

I'm stuck :/ can someone help me try to improve this?

Undergraduate / 'My childhood littered with such incidences' - influential person (my brothers) [2]

My body ripped open. Body parts were thrown across the ground. Blood was everywhere. Then all of a sudden, all I could see was pure darkness. "You killed me!" I sat there fuming in front of my computer as I heard uproarious laughter from the other room. Why couldn't I be born as an only child? I must have done something unforgivable in my past life, why else would I be punished with two older brothers?

I've always been influenced by my brothers. Without even knowing, they've shaped who I am as a person. "Mei," they called me little sister in Mandarin, "come here." I skipped towards them, doe-eyed. "Get on this chair and grab the candy." I happily obliged, eager to please these chocolate-hungry barbarians. I tiptoed and just as I got my hands around the jar, I heard panicked footsteps. I looked back and instead of seeing the two monsters, I saw my mother with fire in her eyes. First lesson learned: not everyone can be trusted.

My childhood is littered with such incidences. Being the youngest, I've always had the short-end of the stick. I used to tell them that one day, I'll be the oldest and then they'll see who gets picked on. But alas, reality is cruel.

I wanted to believe that they were horrible creatures. They committed so many crimes and were absolutely evil. And yet, I never failed to return to them time after time, begging them to invite me to the dark side. I wanted to be just like them, deathstar and all.

Slowly though, my perspective of them began to change. I began to see different sides of them- they were no longer the troublemakers, they were coming into their own persons. We were growing up. My oldest became a technology geek, my middle brother became a basketball fanatic, and me, I became a nerd. Despite our differences, they continued to teach me as before. "Don't take everything too seriously," they'd remind me," take time to enjoy life." They continuously showed me that life isn't just about grades, life is about living.

When I first got a taste of racism and felt at my lowest, they said: "be proud of who you are, we'll beat them up later." When I worried about teaching piano and everyone else was doubting me, they said: "don't listen to them, you can do it." When I stressed about applying to colleges and became easily susceptible, they said: "don't be intimidated, just be yourself." And just because they were the ones who said it, I believed.

My entire life has been affected by their trickery and vulgarity. But more significantly, by their love. They urge me to follow my dreams. The world is for the taking. So though they kill me without hesitation, stick me with their criminal records, and sometimes make me question humanity, I am thankful. For because of them, I am me.