My body ripped open. Body parts were thrown across the ground. Blood was everywhere. Then all of a sudden, all I could see was pure darkness. "You killed me!" I sat there fuming in front of my computer as I heard uproarious laughter from the other room. Why couldn't I be born as an only child? I must have done something unforgivable in my past life, why else would I be punished with two older brothers?
I've always been influenced by my brothers. Without even knowing, they've shaped who I am as a person. "Mei," they called me little sister in Mandarin, "come here." I skipped towards them, doe-eyed. "Get on this chair and grab the candy." I happily obliged, eager to please these chocolate-hungry barbarians. I tiptoed and just as I got my hands around the jar, I heard panicked footsteps. I looked back and instead of seeing the two monsters, I saw my mother with fire in her eyes. First lesson learned: not everyone can be trusted.
My childhood is littered with such incidences. Being the youngest, I've always had the short-end of the stick. I used to tell them that one day, I'll be the oldest and then they'll see who gets picked on. But alas, reality is cruel.
I wanted to believe that they were horrible creatures. They committed so many crimes and were absolutely evil. And yet, I never failed to return to them time after time, begging them to invite me to the dark side. I wanted to be just like them, deathstar and all.
Slowly though, my perspective of them began to change. I began to see different sides of them- they were no longer the troublemakers, they were coming into their own persons. We were growing up. My oldest became a technology geek, my middle brother became a basketball fanatic, and me, I became a nerd. Despite our differences, they continued to teach me as before. "Don't take everything too seriously," they'd remind me," take time to enjoy life." They continuously showed me that life isn't just about grades, life is about living.
When I first got a taste of racism and felt at my lowest, they said: "be proud of who you are, we'll beat them up later." When I worried about teaching piano and everyone else was doubting me, they said: "don't listen to them, you can do it." When I stressed about applying to colleges and became easily susceptible, they said: "don't be intimidated, just be yourself." And just because they were the ones who said it, I believed.
My entire life has been affected by their trickery and vulgarity. But more significantly, by their love. They urge me to follow my dreams. The world is for the taking. So though they kill me without hesitation, stick me with their criminal records, and sometimes make me question humanity, I am thankful. For because of them, I am me.
I loved it! Reminds me of my family. (On a personal note: Believe it or not, you're lucky your brother's give such great advice. My siblings were useless, and stupid. The smartest thing any of my siblings ever did, was my brother tattoo'ing himself, and spelling it wrong! (I refuse to tell you how old he was when he did that.))
I think all you need is to correct a few spelling errors, (Such as capatalizing the quotes, and changing 'me little sister' to 'my little sister.) and rewrite a few sentences to make it feel more natural (a.k.a. Edit for readibility.). Also, in the second paragraph, where they set you up to get busted by your mother, explain why her footsteps sounded 'panicked'. (Or you could simply change the description to something else. Determined, angry, heavy, purposeful, etc. Although, If there is any possibility that your mother might one day read this, please DON'T use the word 'heavy'. That will come back to bite you, trust me.)
In your third paragraph, I think you should use more 'past tense' phrasing. I.e. I used to tell them that one day, I 'would' be the oldest, then 'they'd'.. etc. Or you could simply use quotation marks and present it like this: I used to tell them, "One day I'll be the oldest, then you'll see who get's picked on."
You mentioned a little sister early on in the story but you didn't include her when you told us how your older brothers turned out.
Great story. I really like how you depicted them as both mean, and loving.
Also, since you're older than her, you might mention how you acted toward your little sister. If you ever treated her like your brothers treated you. It might be interested.(This is strictly a suggestion based on my personal tastes and has nothing to do with improving your story.)
P.s. I loved the way you wrote the opening paragraph. It seemed disturbing to begin with, almost scary, then you explained it in such a way that it was completely normal and benign. Don't loose that, it's a fantastic way to catch the readers interest.
