daniel44992
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the significance of lines in my life' something about you that you want us to know. [13]
To your above comment, maybe cut the "on their own." I don't know if this changes your meaning too much but it would help.
I liked the Harry Potter reference by the way. But you forgot the fourth line down the middle.
Very strong, I'm always trying to show rather than tell in my essays, I understand perfectly what you are doing there. I can see the philosophical meanings hidden in the essay and I'm sure the admissions will as well. One thing though is the use of big words like "proclivity," I might change those to simpler words. Yes, you want to sound smart but it kind of interupts the flow because its not a common word.
To your above comment, maybe cut the "on their own." I don't know if this changes your meaning too much but it would help.
I liked the Harry Potter reference by the way. But you forgot the fourth line down the middle.
Very strong, I'm always trying to show rather than tell in my essays, I understand perfectly what you are doing there. I can see the philosophical meanings hidden in the essay and I'm sure the admissions will as well. One thing though is the use of big words like "proclivity," I might change those to simpler words. Yes, you want to sound smart but it kind of interupts the flow because its not a common word.