Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by daniel44992
Joined: Oct 7, 2011
Last Post: Jan 1, 2012
Threads: 13
Posts: 29  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 42 / page 2 of 2
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daniel44992   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the significance of lines in my life' something about you that you want us to know. [13]

To your above comment, maybe cut the "on their own." I don't know if this changes your meaning too much but it would help.

I liked the Harry Potter reference by the way. But you forgot the fourth line down the middle.
Very strong, I'm always trying to show rather than tell in my essays, I understand perfectly what you are doing there. I can see the philosophical meanings hidden in the essay and I'm sure the admissions will as well. One thing though is the use of big words like "proclivity," I might change those to simpler words. Yes, you want to sound smart but it kind of interupts the flow because its not a common word.
daniel44992   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / UVa - PLace to get lost - "Lost in the Woods" [4]

"Discuss your favorite place to get lost. "

The light streams through trees creating moving shadows as the leaves blow in the wind. The leaves from the past fall crunch underneath my feet as I run through the woods. I duck to avoid branches and leap over fallen logs without a second thought. I interpret the forest constantly, always knowing which way to turn, when to jump, and when to stop. I slow my pace and realize I have accomplished my goal, I have no idea where I am.

When I was younger, I spent every free minute in the woods by my house. Using our hatchet, I formed my own trails that led me to my hiding places. In these trails I would imagine fighting epic battles with the minions of evil. I warded off these imaginary villians with a wooden sword my neighbor had made me. I slashed and spun my sword, training myself alone in the woods for some day that I thought I would need these skills with a sword. In the woods, I could do whatever I wanted and when I would tire, I would just stand there and look around at the trees and the patches of visible sky. I had created my safe haven.

I still have yet to need those sword skills but the forest still is my safe haven. There is nothing like wandering without a goal, just finding things as you go. There may be a tree to climb, a creek to cross, or a briar patch to pick your way through. As I catch my breath, I close my eyes, feel the wind wrap around me and slowly exhale and I know that I am lost. I have made my own path because I did not follow an old trail, and now it was up to me to find my own way out.

Please help! Does this show enough about me? Be specific please! Thanks!

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