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UVa - PLace to get lost - "Lost in the Woods"


daniel44992 13 / 29  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
"Discuss your favorite place to get lost. "

The light streams through trees creating moving shadows as the leaves blow in the wind. The leaves from the past fall crunch underneath my feet as I run through the woods. I duck to avoid branches and leap over fallen logs without a second thought. I interpret the forest constantly, always knowing which way to turn, when to jump, and when to stop. I slow my pace and realize I have accomplished my goal, I have no idea where I am.

When I was younger, I spent every free minute in the woods by my house. Using our hatchet, I formed my own trails that led me to my hiding places. In these trails I would imagine fighting epic battles with the minions of evil. I warded off these imaginary villians with a wooden sword my neighbor had made me. I slashed and spun my sword, training myself alone in the woods for some day that I thought I would need these skills with a sword. In the woods, I could do whatever I wanted and when I would tire, I would just stand there and look around at the trees and the patches of visible sky. I had created my safe haven.

I still have yet to need those sword skills but the forest still is my safe haven. There is nothing like wandering without a goal, just finding things as you go. There may be a tree to climb, a creek to cross, or a briar patch to pick your way through. As I catch my breath, I close my eyes, feel the wind wrap around me and slowly exhale and I know that I am lost. I have made my own path because I did not follow an old trail, and now it was up to me to find my own way out.

Please help! Does this show enough about me? Be specific please! Thanks!
saujla 2 / 5  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
You have described your place well, but I felt your explanation what it helps you to do/why it's important is inadequate as of now. Good start though!
Tefade 2 / 10  
Jan 19, 2012   #3
Nice work need little clarity.
phenotype 2 / 8  
Jan 20, 2012   #4
The light streams through the trees creating moving shadows as the leaves blow in the wind. The leaves from the past fall crunch underneath my feet as I run through the woods. I duck to avoid branches and leap over fallen logs without a second thought. I interpret the forest constantly, always knowing which way to turn, when to jump, and when to stop. I slow my pace and realize I have accomplished my goal: I have no idea where I am.

When I was younger, I spent every free minute in the woods by my house. Using our hatchet, I formed my own trails that led me to my hiding places. In these trails I would imagine fighting epic battles with the minions of evil. I warded off these imaginary villians with a wooden sword my neighbor had made me. I slashed and spun my sword, training myself alone in the woods for some day that I thoughtwaiting for the day I would need these skills with a swordsuch battle skills . In the woods, I could do whatever I wanted and when I would tire, I would just stand there and look around at the trees and the patches of visible sky. I had created my safe haven.I think this fighting would be more cohesive if placed in the first paragraph. I'm confused about the tense used in the first paragraph. At first, I thought you told it in present tense to give more life to a memory in your childhood, but now I'm not so sure that was in your childhood after reading your second paragraph. If it is a memory, why is there a cut between that and the events occurring in the second paragraph?

I still have yet to needuse those sword skills but the forest still isis still my safe haven. There is nothing like wandering without a goal, just finding things as youI go. There may be a tree to climb, a creek to cross, or a briar patch to pick yourmy way through. As I catch my breath, I close my eyes, feel the wind wrap around me.andI slowly exhale and I know that I am lost. I have made my own path because I did not follow an old trail, and now it was up to me to find my own way out.

I think you're off to a great start. I am intrigued by your hiding place, and although you provided lovely imagery, the part about your imagination as a child intrigued me most. I think that is the part you should elaborate on because there is so much to talk about there. Furthermore, I really wanted to know HOW this forest has made you feel. I wanted to read about the comfort you felt, or the relief. Maybe the woods is an escape? Maybe it's an exit? What you're physically doing is nicely described, but why you're in there and what the woods do for you provides more substance in my opinion. If you focus more on what you're trying to say, and your structure, I think you will have produced a fantastic essay.

Keep in mind, this is only the honest opinion of one person. Its okay to not follow my advice; it won't hurt my feelings. (:


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