Posts by Klabberghasted

Klabberghasted

Dec 28, 2011

Undergraduate / 'The bright moon' - help edit my williams supplement [3]

I could not tell whether it was an anathema, a denunciation or a malediction that was tagged onto me.

The rhythm in this sentence is nice, but anathema, denunciation, and malediction sound too puffy for me--try to use the 5 cent word instead of the $10 one if it can convey the same meaning.

Klabberghasted

Nov 21, 2011

Undergraduate / 'sketching and materials' - intended major + 'happy to go to school' UC prompt1/2 [2]

4 years ago, through The Red Cross organization of Taiwan,

"Four years ago"
Spell out all numbers (except for dates) in a formal essay.

I think the subject of your essay will capture the reader's attention--but the grammar mistakes make it very hard to focus on what you're trying to say. Try to correct the grammar as best as you can, then post it again. I'll be happy to look at it once it's a bit more polished.

Best of luck!