Undergraduate / 'passion for travel and education in the melting pot' UW Madison-Community Enrichment [NEW]

I've read over this dozens of times and I feel as if I'm missing something but I can't put my finger on it! I appreciate all constructive criticism and feedback- don't be shy!

This is the full question:
The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

This is my statement so far:
When friends and family ask me what I would like to do, or what my interests are, one specific activity comes to mind. It's not a hobby like knitting, scrap-booking, or collecting stamps. This interest came about as I started to travel with my family as well as with my school; I love traveling, exploring, and wandering through places new and old. My ultimate goal is to become accustomed with different cultures and ways of life of people all across the world, and to become an international business student through an education at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. By studying at your university and abroad, I will bring the concepts of global awareness, collaboration with others to meet business goals, the and an overall desire to see what the world and the multifaceted culture from within and without the UW community has to provide.

Ever since I was a child, my family has provided me with the opportunity to visit places all over the map, from within the United States to countries in different continents. The first time I left the country to see a new place occurred five years ago; I visited the country from which my family originated: Ukraine. Even though I can speak the language, Russian, I felt a bit reluctant to go because I didn't know how I would feel visiting a place I'm not used to. After the first couple days of visiting landmarks and coming across the different types of architecture, the cultural history, and the livelihood of the city Odessa, I realized that my passion lies in this type of setting. In the years following after, my family and I had the fortunate opportunity to visit countries elsewhere, such as Israel, Austria, and Mexico, which further added to my love of traveling. On a two-week trip with a group from my high school, I traveled to England, France, Switzerland, and Italy. Without my family in this trip, I discovered new things about myself: things that I never pondered before. In the past, I considered myself to be a reclusive person who is resistant to change. Through this travel, I realized that I could live and study on my own, interact with others in many different settings, and become educated through these types of experiences. I can expand my horizons to an international level and work with others who have similar aspirations. My admittance to the University of Wisconsin-Madison will contribute to my passion for travel and education in the melting pot of social and cultural differences present in the diverse social body of your university, to which I can contribute to as well.

I feel like I sound superficial and too general. Any recommendations?
Thanks!

Undergraduate / "You make happiness with your own hands"-UW Madison- academic goals and circumstances [4]

This is one of my intended statements in the application process. I appreciate all the constructive criticism I can get. Thank you for spending the time to read this!

Here is the full question:
Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

And here is what I have come up with so far:
A Russian saying translates to " You make happiness with your own hands." My parents swore by this when they moved to the United States eighteen years ago. Twenty-two years old and pregnant with me at the time, my mother went to college by day and worked retail at night. At the same time, my father, twenty-four years old, worked in a bakery in the mornings, went to school by day, and shoveled snow in the evenings to earn extra money. They never complained about their situation; they knew that living in America would always bring better opportunities than if they still lived in Russia, where they both attended medical school. But doctors in Russia don't make half of what an American doctor makes, so my parents set off to America to make new lives for themselves. After my birth here in Wisconsin, my parents managed to leave their trivial jobs and open a transportation company, an adult day care (impossible to open without the medical degree my mother earned here in the United States), and, in the past couple years, two pharmacies.

This is not a sob story about my parent's rags to riches experience; it's far from that. I've always wondered how they managed to improve their lives, but an obvious answer always comes to mind. They relied solely on their own hard work; their persistence and eagerness led them to the lives they imagined for their children. Even their parents told them that nothing in life comes as easy as just asking for it; wishing won't lead anyone anywhere.Thankfully, my parents have instilled the same principles in their household, which inspires me to this day not to expect everything in life to be handed to me on a silver spoon. From around the time when all the "what do you want to do when you grow up?" and "what do you see in your future?" questioning began, I knew my answer from the get go. I wanted to follow my parent's footsteps into the business world by helping others and being independent and self-sufficient at the same time. I want to be successful in any way, shape, or form, I must do it on my own with perseverance. I'm not saying that those who can't help themselves shouldn't recieve aid from others when in need, but the individuals who desire self-fullfilling futures should be driven by their own goals to get there.

I owe my ambitions to my parents because of all the opportunites they provided to me throughout my lifetime; these opportunities could be furthered through my admittance to University of Wisconsin-Madison. Entrance into your school and later on hopefully the school of Business will provide me with a starting point from where I can venture out on my own through education opportunities. With the lessons instilled in me, I consider myself inspired to work hard, and I know that what I shoot for will become accomplished as long as I work diligently with the knowledge that nothing in life ever comes easily.

Thanks again!