Graduate / Introducton/Research/Pre-undergraduate/Work/Academics - Is my Essay too long? [3]

I'm not sure how much help I can be with only a word count but I'll try.

It might be your introduction piece. An introduction should be interesting and make the reader want to continue reading the rest of the essay, and if it gets too long it might get a little boring. You also have included in that piece "Why am I applying" and I think the rest of your essay will explain that based on the topics you have written down after it. So I might try slimming down that introduction piece.

Also, you say that your essay is very personal, and I just want to say that you might want to watch what you talk about. You don't want to write about fighting depression, anorexia, or anything like that because, to be honest, colleges want to know that you are happy and healthy and will be successful at their institution even when under a lot of stress. I don't know what you're writing about, but just be aware of that. :) Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'Observing my mom's hard work and dedication' - Impactful person ADMISSIONS [2]

These are just a few grammatical things I found. Be sure to use spelling/grammar check! :)

We were encouraged by our teacher, to have our parent come to school -- you don't need a comma here.

Due to the nature of their work, my parents are hesitant to discuss their jobs

she would explain that her job at an emergency and -- this needs to be edited. I'm not really sure what you were trying to say exactly.

I know that this is an essay about an impactful person, but it is a college essay and the focus needs to be on you. I think you need to talk a little more about how your mother and her job changed your views or character. Right now, the focus seems to simply be your reaction to her job in the 4th grade. You should explain a little more about what your mother's job is and what she does at one point in your essay, and then describe how it has affected you.

Another thing I would say is that your writing in general has some really great word choice, but you seem to write things as a stream of thoughts or facts. Try to write a little more action-oriented; it keeps people interested. I would also really work on your introduction. The introduction is the most important part because it's the first thing people will read, and if it doesn't capture their attention they won't want to read it.

Good luck! :)

Undergraduate / 'I like it is to draw and paint' - MIT - What do you do for the pleasure of it? [3]

Thank you very much!