Introducton/Research/Pre-undergraduate/Work/Academics - Is my Essay too long?

Hello, sorry I'm not posting my essay right now because its kind of too cursory to show here!

Well, this is how the flow goes:

Introduction Hook/Why am I applying... 327 words
Research work...motivation 146 words
Pre-Undergraduate years 89 words
Talking about my work in a startup company 151 words
Internship/Introduction to the university 107 words
Academic Life/Extra-curricular accolades 169 words
Research Goals/Talking about what I know about the university and their research work/What I plan to do there 190 words
Final Thoughts/ Some parental Background 180 words

I'm applying for a masters in computer science. Problem is... My SOP is just too long! 8171 characters, 1360 odd words! Now, the college says 2 pages which with the help of fonts I've reduced it to. Where do you think I might be overstating myself.... I'm actually rather worried about posting my essay online coz its kind of very personal. Please, if you can help me here... please do. I've got a lot in my profile n I need to find some way to convey it without shooting myself!

I'm not sure how much help I can be with only a word count but I'll try.

It might be your introduction piece. An introduction should be interesting and make the reader want to continue reading the rest of the essay, and if it gets too long it might get a little boring. You also have included in that piece "Why am I applying" and I think the rest of your essay will explain that based on the topics you have written down after it. So I might try slimming down that introduction piece.

Also, you say that your essay is very personal, and I just want to say that you might want to watch what you talk about. You don't want to write about fighting depression, anorexia, or anything like that because, to be honest, colleges want to know that you are happy and healthy and will be successful at their institution even when under a lot of stress. I don't know what you're writing about, but just be aware of that. :) Good luck!

Well, truth is...I was losing my dad to liver disease and I was really distraught. I came back home n after checking it up on a diagnostic website, I was finally able to just... Think!!!! And thats what iv written about.. How i felt then...what that machine's output meant to me and just how i want to create machines like those that can help humanity with a lot of its questions..