bballkings15
Jan 4, 2012
bballkings15
Jan 3, 2012
Grammar, Usage / Proper comma usage in English language [8]
Use of comma (But later, ...)
Are my commas used correctly??
But later, I realized the passion I held for basketball, and began to dream of playing for high school, college and in the NBA. Of course the dream was crushed soon enough, but
my commitment and dedication allowed me to become a starter as well as the captain on the varsity team in high school, which I had longed for since elementary school. Basketball has taught me the importance of passion, effort and dedication, which I know will assist me throughout my life in the future.
Use of comma (But later, ...)
Are my commas used correctly??
But later, I realized the passion I held for basketball, and began to dream of playing for high school, college and in the NBA. Of course the dream was crushed soon enough, but
my commitment and dedication allowed me to become a starter as well as the captain on the varsity team in high school, which I had longed for since elementary school. Basketball has taught me the importance of passion, effort and dedication, which I know will assist me throughout my life in the future.
bballkings15
Dec 12, 2011
bballkings15
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / Soccer and players - short answer (for Common App) [13]
rosemari this is reaaaally good!!! I can easily tell your a good writer. I wish my basketball short answer could be as descriptive and well-constructed as this haha
rosemari this is reaaaally good!!! I can easily tell your a good writer. I wish my basketball short answer could be as descriptive and well-constructed as this haha
bballkings15
Dec 11, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a fascination with people' - UC admission [5]
This is very unique and interesting. I think it is good.
I agree with skelter about the intro though, that is one area that can use some improvement.
I feel like it may be a little dull...something to spice it up maybe?
This is very unique and interesting. I think it is good.
I agree with skelter about the intro though, that is one area that can use some improvement.
I feel like it may be a little dull...something to spice it up maybe?
bballkings15
Nov 14, 2011
bballkings15
Nov 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Moving to Jamaica --- Common application essay [3]
I don't think you should should include the last sentence because it's an obvious statement.
But other then that, good overall.
I don't think you should should include the last sentence because it's an obvious statement.
But other then that, good overall.
bballkings15
Nov 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Common App - The catastrophic Japan Earthquake [9]
Hey guys I plan to use this as my common app essay.
I know it need lots of work so please help me as much as possible and I will return the favor!
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
The catastrophic earthquake that hit Northern Japan this year affected the lives of many people in a way that can't be described. It has affected mine as well, but in a positive and encouraging way. It helped me find my identity that I had always struggled upon.
Born in the states but raised in Japan for my early childhood and living in the states ever since, I wasn't sure whether I was American or Japanese. After the devastating earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan, I knew it made me realize who I truly was. When I saw pictures of giant waves that swept away cars, homes, and entire buildings of the country I once lived, my heart shattered. I had never been so heartbroken before. It made me realize I was Japanese.
When I first heard of the news, I was extremely worried for all my family and friends that lived in Japan. In fact, my grandparents were severely affected by the incident. Although they were not injured, the house was moderately damaged. The explosion at the Fukushima nuclear plant gave off strong enough radiation that my grandparents had to evacuate for several days. In times like these, I knew I had to do something. Many people around the globe were donating and I felt the warmth of those people. One notable person was professional Japanese golfer Ryo Ishikawa, who is only a few years older than me and committed to donate all of his 2011 tour earnings to the earthquake relief efforts. His donation has been huge to Japan and inspired me to do everything in my power to help those victims of my home country. So I proceeded in some fundraising of my own. At the annual Cherry Blossom festival in Philadelphia, my fellow Japanese friends and I set up a booth and taught origami and sold t-shirts and wristbands to the people at the festival. We raised a total of over seven hundred dollars.
Through this tragic incident not only was I able to solve my identity crisis, I was also able to take part in a great deed by making donations to a country in need.
Hey guys I plan to use this as my common app essay.
I know it need lots of work so please help me as much as possible and I will return the favor!
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
The catastrophic earthquake that hit Northern Japan this year affected the lives of many people in a way that can't be described. It has affected mine as well, but in a positive and encouraging way. It helped me find my identity that I had always struggled upon.
Born in the states but raised in Japan for my early childhood and living in the states ever since, I wasn't sure whether I was American or Japanese. After the devastating earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan, I knew it made me realize who I truly was. When I saw pictures of giant waves that swept away cars, homes, and entire buildings of the country I once lived, my heart shattered. I had never been so heartbroken before. It made me realize I was Japanese.
When I first heard of the news, I was extremely worried for all my family and friends that lived in Japan. In fact, my grandparents were severely affected by the incident. Although they were not injured, the house was moderately damaged. The explosion at the Fukushima nuclear plant gave off strong enough radiation that my grandparents had to evacuate for several days. In times like these, I knew I had to do something. Many people around the globe were donating and I felt the warmth of those people. One notable person was professional Japanese golfer Ryo Ishikawa, who is only a few years older than me and committed to donate all of his 2011 tour earnings to the earthquake relief efforts. His donation has been huge to Japan and inspired me to do everything in my power to help those victims of my home country. So I proceeded in some fundraising of my own. At the annual Cherry Blossom festival in Philadelphia, my fellow Japanese friends and I set up a booth and taught origami and sold t-shirts and wristbands to the people at the festival. We raised a total of over seven hundred dollars.
Through this tragic incident not only was I able to solve my identity crisis, I was also able to take part in a great deed by making donations to a country in need.
