blueshore
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "It's a dangerous place"; UC Common App/ World I come from [13]
I know that the conclusion needs some more work, but the problem is that I will exceed the word limit. Any thought on where I could cut some with words without affecting the content. Also I would really like to hear your thoughts on the introduction, I am starting to have my doubts about it. Any comments on content and grammar, structure,clarity! I have no one at all to give me feedback so all comments are appreciated.
prompt :Tell us about the world you come from and how it has haped your dreams and aspirations
"Its a dangerous place!"
All the way my nine year-old mind ran with various scenarios of the dangers present: was it a building on the verge of collapse, or perhaps a toxic explosion from one of the labs? We were closing towards the gates now, and I stepped out, expecting to hear the familiar flow of Arabic in the air. I was used to the busy morning commotion, and I wondered why everything felt too still. But suddenly I heard a strange sound in the distance, a language I had never heard before. Like a rush, more of them descend across the air: Russian, Japanese, French , more languages than I could count. It never occurred to me at that instant, that this was the start of a new life for me. I stood there, my initial fear turning into an urge to understand the words, and the stories of those who spoke them.
Our family members and friends were convinced that the new school was bound to change me. How a girl so young could grow amongst such conflicting view points, they reasoned, without getting confused about what's right or wrong. "She will have no guidance, no link with our culture", my aunt said. She paused, trying to conjure the words, " she will break apart someday... it's a dangerous place."
I lived my entire life in the Middle East, but the boundaries of my world don't stop there. The diversity that surrounded me led me to realize that the world contains so many secrets, and everything around me sparked questions I tried to answer. My friend shuriti would mention her last holiday in India and my mind would run wild imagining the way it feels to walk in the streets of Calcutta or be amidst the exotic music of a festival. One question would lead to another until I find myself searching for the history of Indian festivals, what they mean and what they signify. I would be moved to try Asian food my friend's mother made, to learn some Russian and Chinese words with pride, for within them I was learning exclusive feelings of a culture. I would watch the Lebanese dabka performance and wonder how such a dance originated.
I kept asking questions, finding within every answer an understanding and appreciation of different perspectives. However, the more I learnt about different cultures, the more I became drawn to learn about my own heritage. I could see what was distinct about the Egyptian way of life : the feel of an Egyptian wedding, the intricate method of preparing food, and the hospitable nature of Egyptian people. I fell in love with Egyptian literature, naguib Mahfouz. While Arabic in our school was only a second language, I strived to surpass that level and spent many days after school ameliorating my Arabic writing skills.
I was inspired by my heritage to write: and I began to compose poems and stories that my friends eyed with disbelief. " I never knew Arabic was so beautiful", they said after I translated the words. They too, wanted to comprehend the history behind that language. At a family meeting, I read one of my Arabic poems, my family looked with disbelief.
"Come and sit beside me, for I was a poet too." My aunt said with tears in her eyes.
that day ,I managed to show my family that the stereotype about diversity was wrong
I like a new color in a portrait, have something to add.. I have a determination to find the answers, an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that brings me here : to a place where I can begin not with answers but with questions,where I will bring my own color along.
I know that the conclusion needs some more work, but the problem is that I will exceed the word limit. Any thought on where I could cut some with words without affecting the content. Also I would really like to hear your thoughts on the introduction, I am starting to have my doubts about it. Any comments on content and grammar, structure,clarity! I have no one at all to give me feedback so all comments are appreciated.
prompt :Tell us about the world you come from and how it has haped your dreams and aspirations
"Its a dangerous place!"
All the way my nine year-old mind ran with various scenarios of the dangers present: was it a building on the verge of collapse, or perhaps a toxic explosion from one of the labs? We were closing towards the gates now, and I stepped out, expecting to hear the familiar flow of Arabic in the air. I was used to the busy morning commotion, and I wondered why everything felt too still. But suddenly I heard a strange sound in the distance, a language I had never heard before. Like a rush, more of them descend across the air: Russian, Japanese, French , more languages than I could count. It never occurred to me at that instant, that this was the start of a new life for me. I stood there, my initial fear turning into an urge to understand the words, and the stories of those who spoke them.
Our family members and friends were convinced that the new school was bound to change me. How a girl so young could grow amongst such conflicting view points, they reasoned, without getting confused about what's right or wrong. "She will have no guidance, no link with our culture", my aunt said. She paused, trying to conjure the words, " she will break apart someday... it's a dangerous place."
I lived my entire life in the Middle East, but the boundaries of my world don't stop there. The diversity that surrounded me led me to realize that the world contains so many secrets, and everything around me sparked questions I tried to answer. My friend shuriti would mention her last holiday in India and my mind would run wild imagining the way it feels to walk in the streets of Calcutta or be amidst the exotic music of a festival. One question would lead to another until I find myself searching for the history of Indian festivals, what they mean and what they signify. I would be moved to try Asian food my friend's mother made, to learn some Russian and Chinese words with pride, for within them I was learning exclusive feelings of a culture. I would watch the Lebanese dabka performance and wonder how such a dance originated.
I kept asking questions, finding within every answer an understanding and appreciation of different perspectives. However, the more I learnt about different cultures, the more I became drawn to learn about my own heritage. I could see what was distinct about the Egyptian way of life : the feel of an Egyptian wedding, the intricate method of preparing food, and the hospitable nature of Egyptian people. I fell in love with Egyptian literature, naguib Mahfouz. While Arabic in our school was only a second language, I strived to surpass that level and spent many days after school ameliorating my Arabic writing skills.
I was inspired by my heritage to write: and I began to compose poems and stories that my friends eyed with disbelief. " I never knew Arabic was so beautiful", they said after I translated the words. They too, wanted to comprehend the history behind that language. At a family meeting, I read one of my Arabic poems, my family looked with disbelief.
"Come and sit beside me, for I was a poet too." My aunt said with tears in her eyes.
that day ,I managed to show my family that the stereotype about diversity was wrong
I like a new color in a portrait, have something to add.. I have a determination to find the answers, an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that brings me here : to a place where I can begin not with answers but with questions,where I will bring my own color along.
