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Posts by ashu8d
Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Last Post: Jan 2, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Canada

Displayed posts: 5
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ashu8d   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / (Get Reel on Climate Change / Achievability / Traveler) UBC for BSc -personal profile [3]

hey guys this is my first time making a thread on Essay Forum so forgive if I'm a n00b
Anyway I'm applying to the University of British Columbia this year (2012) and they have changed their application from an optional supplemental to a mandatory personal profile. they have three questions with a maximum of 200 words each which you have to answer

so here are mine:

Tell us about an activity, explaining what your goals were, what you did to pursue them, the results achieved, and what you learned in the process. (188/200 words)

I was a member of a team that participated in the "Get Reel on Climate Change" competition hosted by UNICEF. Our goal was to represent Canada's youth in the International Climate Change Conference. To pursue this, we made an awareness video to cause youth to be more conscientious towards climate change.

My team, Acta Non Verba, took a very social approach to create this video. We asked many students what their stance was on the issue and later discussed what would be presented in the video. The bulk of our time together was spent, producing ideas and crafting them into the thesis of our video.

We were nationally designated as the first runners up in the competition. Although losing by a hair on a major leadership opportunity discouraged us, we were proud of what we had achieved. From this activity I learned the essence of leadership and the teamwork that it requires. It is the process of social representation to aid in the accomplishment of a common task. The social approach that we used is what aided us in our achievement and allowed us to represent the youth.

Tell us about an experience, in school or out, that caused you to rethink or change your perspective. What impact has this had on you? (176/200 words)

Last year a friend of mine's rejection to Yale made him a statistic - below the seven percent that are accepted. At least that is what I thought. I pondered the rejection briefly then flushed it out of my mind, accepting that Yale was far too high of a target and admittance was nearly inconceivable. This year four of my friends have been admitted to the University of Pennsylvania, two to Stanford, one to MIT, and three to Columbia.

Flabbergast at the overwhelming acceptance to prestigious institutions, the philosopher in me brought to question my definition of "achievability". What is too difficult? What is impossible? I contemplated these questions every night for many weeks; thinking all the while: had my friend been foolish to apply to Yale? The consensus that I have reached is quite different from my previous mindset of hopelessness. There is nothing that is impossible and only time and determination are needed to achieve. There is no goal too high. No attempt is pointless or in vain. From this I take opportunities and try.

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (175/200 words)

I am a traveler. I have been to three different high schools and two different elementary schools. I have had my first day more than once, and it doesn't get easier with practice. I not only had to leave my friends behind, but I also have had to adapt to the new environment. To adapt to each new environment, I have had to meet a large number of people and a large variety of people. From the sheer number and the different types of people that I have seen, I have learned much on the nature of an enriching environment.

However I define success, there are always those that won't fit, and those that are beyond my expectations. The body of students that forms a major part of a learning environment will always be incredibly diverse. Although this environment can never be perfect, I can still achieve my definition of success by my own means. From my own experiences I have seen that it is not the environment that shapes a future, but an individual.

problems that I see:
- in the last one I noticed I used the words: "I have" waaaay too many times
ashu8d   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / "My life's calling and without a warning"; Why Carnegie Mellon? [3]

ok I'm not that good editing and proof reading but here's what I have to say:
note: - I'm a blunt person so no take offence from what I say

Your story about choosing your career is lame and hard to believe (even if it is true)
the reason it is hard to believe is because a career choice is not chosen by a small experience like that especially if you were not sure what you wanted to be for a long time. I myself decided what I would be a long time ago have had years to justify it. Even if you have only decided recently, you have to show that you spent time justifying it and that you actually care about what you are going to do not just based on one small experience.

Your structure is weak.
your 1st paragraph is purely about what you want to be - yet this is your intro
the essay is not what you want to be, but why you want to go to CMU

"I felt at ease after seeing the 85% medical school acceptance rate"
This is a very bad thing to mention. Although everyone does feel good when they know that they into med school, it shows that you are trying to look for an easy way in and are not up for the actual challenge. It shows that you are not confident in your own abilities and that your insufficient to get in by yourself. I suggest you stay away from admission rates altogether.

I hope I helped! :D

can you look at my essays?
ashu8d   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / (Get Reel on Climate Change / Achievability / Traveler) UBC for BSc -personal profile [3]

thank you so much for you help! It was very useful and certainly needed XD

1st Essay)
representing the youth at the ICCC was what the winning team got after they had made their video. I'm having trouble saying that
and the last sentence I was trying to say that the reason our team was able to to get 2nd place was because of the social approach

2nd Essay)
Statistic's second definition: An event or person regarded as no more than such a piece of data (used to suggest an inappropriately impersonal approach).

other than that, thanks for the help in grammer (lol)

3rd Essay)
I was trying to say that I moved a lot so I know a lot of people and from the lots of people I have seen I think I know a bit about an environment

thanks again for your help and the red and strikes were very helpful
I'll be sure to leave my feedback at your common app within 12 hours
ashu8d   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Swimming' - Common App - Extracurricular activity response [8]

You need to talk about your self more and and less about Phelps. It's unnecessary for example to mention how many medals he's won and such but more important to mention what you have done.

other than that nicely done! The wording is great
ashu8d   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / McMaster Health Science program supplemental -- "Zero" [2]

Hey guys I'm applying for McMaster's health science program and this is my supplemental
There are supposed to be three questions, I am still working on the first one because I had to redo it.

This is the second one

Select a four letter word in the English language which should be preserved and explain why (no
contractions).
Long Answer (1500 Character Maximum)


"Something" is the absence of "nothing"; therefore, "nothing" is a base or foundation used as a reference used to define "something". Without "nothing", "something" doesn't exist. The absence of quantity is defined by the four letter word: "zero". The four millennia old concept has experienced a multitude of transformations before arriving at its most concise and conceptual form yet: the English word "zero". This is a word that should survive through time because of the immensely important concepts that it represents.

The importance of zero is certainly undisputable. It is used as a base for measurment on many widely used scales such as the Kelvin scale for temperature. Further, zero is used extensivly in set theory; for example, all natural number are defined recursivly by zero. This also makes zero an integral foundation used in the proof of mathematical induction. In binary, zero represents a circuit's state when it is off, expanding its applications to all digital devices.

Zero possess a plethera of applications because, it is a major corner stone in mathematics, which it self has a multitude of applications. Its extensive use in present day society certainly serves to forshadow the potential magnitude of its use in the future. Even if a vast amount of knowledge was lost, it could always be regained if a foundation was present. Zero is a foundation.

This is the third and last one. I have no idea what to even mention! If you have any ideas that you think might be good please tell me

""Describe your most difficult experience in dealing with others and how did you handle the situation?
Long Answer (1500 Character Maximum) ""

The main part of this thread is the second one, so please edit and proofread it! I will be sure to return the favour.
Thanks guys!
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