Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by leviator
Joined: Nov 21, 2011
Last Post: Feb 21, 2012
Threads: 7
Posts: 39  
Likes:
From: United Arab Emirates

Displayed posts: 46 / page 2 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
leviator   
Dec 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'beautiful haunting experience' - UF Application [2]

...get back on what was then considered to be my enemy.

get back on what I then considered to be an enemy.

When you're talking about the other family, and your best friend, do elaborate a little on the experiences you shared, both negative and positive.

Also, talk more about the problems you overcame, and why the experience was haunting, specifically to you. This could be a vivid explanation of the fear and misery you felt.

I do believe I have gained intellectual competency,
how did you gain intellectual competency?

The candle metaphor is good. You should use it in one of the middle paragraphs as well.

I think your essay is really genuine and nice to read. Just make it a little more descriptive. Good luck with the rest of your application! :-)
leviator   
Dec 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'create technology' - What attracts you to the field of Engineering? Columbia. [9]

Please post your comments and suggestions :-)

'Why?' This question has plagued my mind from as far back as I can remember. I have an unquenchable thirst to get to the bottom of things, and the enigmatic universe has only further aggravated my curiosity. I discovered my passion for the sciences in early childhood, and there has never been any doubt about what I wanted to do with my life. I remember, as a girl of 10, taking my computer apart, because I wanted to see those 'insect-like things' inside, wearing a silly smile for my mother. In high school, my interest in physics, mathematics and computer programming grew, along with my love for machines and awed respect for the developing technologies. Studying the basics of electromagnetism and electronics has made me realize that it is in that field that my interest lies. Diodes, semiconductors, transistors, IC's: the intricacy and perfection with which these devices are developed, and the way they have become indispensable to mankind in such a short time span amazes, and in a childish way, excites me. Ever since I've had the slightest idea about engineering, I've wanted to be an engineer. Engineers, with their creativity, skill and application of science, and amazing analytical and logical thinking, create technology. I am a believer in technology and its power to redefine our lives. I want to turn into reality the technologies that I've always dreamed of. I want to be an engineer.
leviator   
Dec 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / success in life depends on active attitude [3]

This really doesn't say anything about you at ALL.
Maybe you could talk about an encounter with failure, how you dealt with it, how you gained from it, and with an active attitude and determination, how you overcame it.
leviator   
Dec 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'being around people I don't know' - Common App [2]

I can't say for sure how everyone else felt about this particular night, but for me, I knew exactly what was racing through my mind, coursing through my veins: uncertainty.

This is a bit wordy. You could rewrite it as "I can't be sure of how others felt about this particular night, but I knew exactly what was racing through my mind: uncertainty."

Yet, for some reason, I was still very shy and soft spoken. I have lived under the spotlight but have never known...
Were you, or are you? The tense in these two sentences seems a bit off.

Just as quickly as the time arrived, the minutes took flight and...
Again, too wordy. All you're trying to say is the time to the event just flew by, so there's no need to state it again and again, in different ways.

"I knew then THAT I.."

There are a few places where you have used the passive voice when it isn't really required. Maybe you could try changing that.

Overall, I liked the idea, but I am a bit confused, if you have been living under the spotlight, why was this particular incident challenging or risky to you? Maybe you'd want to talk more about your lack of confidence. The ending is very nice :)
leviator   
Dec 9, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I don't know.' - Common app for Princeton, Columbia, Harvey [7]

Hello!
This is my common app main essay. Since I'm not much of a writer, I've had a quite a hard time with it. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated :D

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------
Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

'I don't know.' This was my most commonly used phrase when I first entered high school. I knew so little, and there was so much to learn, and I had no idea where to begin. In fact, my own character was alien to me. THIS was what I feared the most. Not the fear of failure in academics, or any other activity, but being uncertain - uncertain about my preferences, my opinions, my aspirations, myself. At times, I felt different. I felt that my ideas would be rejected and I would be condemned. Not only did this uncertainty make me insecure, but it hampered my ability to make decisions, and lessened my confidence in those decisions. Not understanding a concept or action was already annoying; not understanding myself, that elevated the annoyance and fear to catastrophic levels. But just when I felt like I was bursting apart at my emotional seams, she came into my life.

Dagny Taggart, the main protagonist of Atlas Shrugged, a product of Ayn Rand's creative genius, is my mentor. In a time when women were expected to fade into oblivion, she was the strong willed vice president of her family's transcontinental railroad. As an assertive powerful business executive, and an engineer by profession, she was, I soon realized, the paragon of everything that I wished to be. She knew what was right, she knew what she wanted, and most importantly, she firmly believed that what she wanted was right. "You don't have to see through the eyes of others, hold onto yours, stand on your own judgment, you know that what is, is-say it aloud, like the holiest of prayers, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." The aforesaid lines, as quoted by Dagny, made me realize what my problem was and gave me strength to accept myself as I was. That was the first step I took on the journey of self discovery. Sure, I encountered failures in life, but I had the courage to accept myself as a person different from the rest, and at that time, it was all that mattered. Moreover, the realization that I was a unique entity in this vast universe made me feel special.

Not only did she help me gain confidence in myself, Dagny Taggart served as an ideal role model when I was on the road to overcoming my identity crisis. Despite facing many an obstacle, be it the loss of human resources due to the prevalent brain drain, the opposition she faced from her company or the lack of public support, she remained undeterred, and with unwavering confidence, sought to win. Her calm rationality, and passion and dedication towards her work have inspired me to work to the best of my abilities, for whatever it is that I believe in and love to do.

It might seem silly and exaggerated, but Dagny has shaped me into the person that I am today. I consider myself to be a strong opinioned feminist, and have no reservations about expressing my thoughts and ideas. The timid, introverted girl has now grown into someone who loves to interact with people, and believes in herself. Because that faith, that self confidence, I've learnt, is all it takes to transform a life.

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳