Undergraduate / 'raised solely by my mother' - How my community and family have shaped me [7]

This is my rough draft, so comments/feedback would be great. Thanks!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I've spent a great majority of my life in the small city of Milpitas. The city itself is somewhat of a suburb for bigger cities around it (such as San Jose), with many of its inhabitants commuting out of the city for work. Being within Silicon Valley, there are many great technology-based companies nearby. Milpitas is also a sort of passerby city, with a lot of Silicon Valley tourists passing through daily. Besides the commuter traffic, Milpitas is a very quiet and peaceful city to live in. The people that live in Milpitas range from the lower middle class, to the upper class in some areas.

I was raised solely by my mother, and in a lot of ways we took care of each other. We've lived with my grandparents for as long as we've lived in Milpitas. While my mother seemed to take care of everybody in the house, I took care of her. I never really had a childhood, or at least not for that long. I matured at a very young age. As an only child, I didn't really have anyone my own age to bond with and was always surrounded by adults. I was also in this slight fear of unforeseen poverty. My family has always been in the lower middle class and we've just barely made it by for as long as I can remember. I learned the value of money far before anyone else I know did. I could practically get whatever I wanted when I was a kid. As soon as I entered school though, I had to earn everything. I had to bring in good grades and test scores if I wanted something.

As bad as it may sound, all of these experiences affected me in a positive way in the end. Living in Milpitas has allowed me to meet people with different ethnic backgrounds and social classes. I have gained friends that I never could have met anywhere else. Meeting all of these people makes me want to explore the world that is outside of this city. I believe that the lifestyle, and the values that I have had since I was a child have greatly prepared me for my future. I know that life isn't a walk in a park, and hard work is needed to be successful. If there is one thing I am thankful for, it is the fact that my mother rarely tried to fabricate our lifestyle. She chose to be truthful with me, which is the least I could have asked from her. My family and my community have greatly shaped me and my dreams. No one in my immediate family has gone to a four-year college, and I will be the first.

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This is just my first draft, so I will probably change it, but I don't really know what to change. It seems alright with me but I also feel uncomfortable since it's a first draft. Thanks for reading!!

Undergraduate / My Experience with Diabetes - UC Prompt 2 [3]

I can usually make good essays but my rough drafts are always bad. Plus like anyone else, this whole college application process is kind of intense for me, so I would really appreciate some feedback. Thanks!

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

For the most part, my life was pretty ordinary. It was tough at a lot of times, but I got through it and I became used to it all. I actually started to look up with hope, and any uncertainty about my future was nonexistent. Then, three years ago on Christmas Day, my entire life was turned upside down. I hadn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks. I had trouble breathing, I lost my appetite, and I felt very fatigued. I originally believed that I had just caught a bad bug, but I knew something was wrong when my condition became progressively worse. On Christmas morning I asked my mother to take me to the hospital. It was then that I learned that the reason for my condition was because I had Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA). When the body has a lack of insulin it begins to use fat as an energy source, and consequently begins to produce ketone bodies. Having too many ketone bodies (Ketoacidosis) can be fatal, and in response the liver may produce more glucose. With the lack of insulin however, this leads to dangerously high levels of blood sugar. All of these together result in Diabetic Ketoacidosis. When I was admitted into the hospital I had a blood sugar level of 916, far above the normal levels of 80-120. The doctors said that it was a miracle that I was still conscious, and not in a coma. This moment changed every single aspect of my life. Diabetes runs in my family so I knew it was possible that I too would have it. It just happened so fast and so unexpectedly for me. I had just begun to look at the bright side of things, and I was comfortable with my life. After finding out that I had diabetes I was afraid and uncertain about my future. I was more afraid of the financial toll this would take on my family, than the emotional toll it was going to take on me. Even with my family helping me through it all, I felt lonely, scared, and broken. I felt as if I had hit rock bottom.

Over time however, I realized that I had to get through this. I had worked so hard in my life, and I wasn't going to stop just because I had one more obstacle to deal with. I knew that life wouldn't be easy, and this was just another challenge that I had to overcome. Looking back three years, I'm kind of happy that I experienced this. I had a close experience with death, and I survived. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally distraught during this experience. Now, I feel perfectly content with my life. I know how precious and difficult life can be. To get by in life, it requires hard work, and a never give up attitude. I've gone through too much in my life to falter, so I might as well give it my all.